This Guy Needs Online Dating Advice
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| Fri, 12-02-2005 - 10:06pm |
Ok, I've been dabbling with this online dating a little and I 'aint havin' any luck. I'm currently on Yahoo Personals. The only women that send me anything are Russian mail-order brides in disguise. Not only that, while I see some cute faces here and there that according to the site are good matches, I never feel compelled to send them anything. Am I just being pessimistic? Plus, I know that if I send them something, they're not going to reply. I don't even know what to say anyway.
Here's what my "top pick" according to the site says in her profile...
"...Looking at the leaves that Fall brings...you never guess which one will fall in your heart...but you still want it to lay on your heart,to soften your life...to make you feel needed..I dream about only one touch of happiness,would this Fall bring it?.... "
Ok. How do I respond to that? :)
Which brings me to another problem. These people just put little blurbs down. I don't feel any sort of connection there.
Should I just try another site? I tried match.com also but didn't see anyone there that interested me there either. In fact, I don't see anyone who interests me anywhere. All I see are pics and paragraphs. I can't be interested in pics and paragraphs. :)
Oh yeah, I also tried eharmony.com. They told me that they couldn't match me with anyone, which according to them happens with 20% of applicants.
Here's my Yahoo profile. Anyone wanna pick it apart?
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1108364494-121020
Yes. I know I need a picture. I'm working on that. I can't seem to get one of me that I like.
HELP!!! I'm tryin' ta get over a girl! :)

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My advice:
Read the women’s profiles – that’s why we write them. It reveals a lot about what the woman is looking for and values. It can also give you an idea of her personality.
With on line sites you are here to meet some quality gals and if you’re going to try it out then you need to put in the effort. Here’s an example of what someone wrote me, it shows they took the time, could relate and gave me a glimpse of their character….it can be brief but highlight why you are writing her and why you two might make a good match and if you like her eyes or smile, hey point it out!!! If you share a hobby, hey point it out such as “I noticed you like to hike, have you ever been to “running canyon”…this helps strike up a conversation.
Sample one:
Hi There...
I hope you had an awesome Thanksgiving!!! I really enjoyed reading your bio...and really respect the fact that you are clear on what kind of man will make for a happy and healthy relationship...very refreshing to say the least.
You seem like a great person inside and very deep too...would like to be able to get to know you better! Hope to hear back from you soon!
Wishing you a great weekend!
Sample two:
Dear Jackette of all Trades-
I LOVED your profile and wanted to write and say hello. I think you and I share a lot in terms of goals, values, interests and lifestyles. I certainly agree with your views on committed relationships, and what it takes to make it in the long run. Also I seem to possess most of those elusive qualities you're looking for in a guy (plus a few bonus ones as well!) Take a look at my profile and drop me a line if you'd like to get acquainted! Hope to hear from you soon!
Tom
PS: You have the cutest smile I've ever seen.
Bottom line, it’s a numbers game; most of us have been on these sites on and off for years. It increases your odds of having more dates and in the process it can be frustrating because you do date a lot when you really just want one but you gotta do it. Takes time, we date to see how people mesh with us – no short cuts to that. Dating is like playing the stock market, you don’t put all your money into one fund, you spread it out into several and see what pays off for you! Also, be confident – be you and you can’t go wrong. Keep that sense of humor; you can go a long ways making a woman laugh but the key is “to get that first date” or at least her number to start. So be unique, stand out and let that woman know you’re a man of substance and depth!!!
Good luck!
Ms. Peanut
First, I have to say that your experience is very normal.
Go ahead pick it apart. :)
"I don't think very much of myself, so I'll put my flaws out there right away so hopefully you won't be disappointed when you meet me. "
I just thought I was being honest. I don't really feel that bad about myself. It just seems like a lot of women want someone who has everything going for them.
"All women want rich men.
Thanks Ms. Peanut for your advice.
The problem is that I don't usually see much if anything in a woman's profile that I can grab onto. They either write 3 lines or they put down their whole life story. Your suggestions for what to write are helpful though.
I guess part of the reason why I'm a little frustrated by it is because I don't want it all to be a game.
One of my big things is when a guy does not fill out the "About My Match" section, so I would suggest you fill that in. I would also suggest you choose a different age range rather than a 20 year age span. Personally, I always feel that when a guy allows for such a large range, they're just fishing. I like when guys look for gals within their age range. KWIM?
I read your profile. I think you should take out the tongue-in-cheek portions such as "whatever that means" and the "skirted eggshell." It makes
You wrote: HELP!!! I'm tryin' ta get over a girl! :)
Oh no. What on earth are you on a dating site for then?
I SERIOUSLY hope you're not just trying to fill in a blank spot just so you don't have to be lonely. I got caught in one of those. The guy was emotionally unavailable and just when we started to hit it off, he pulls out the ex-girlfriend drama.
No woman wants, or should have to be, the bridge back to normalacy for any guy. You need to get over this girl on your own and get back to dating when you're comfortable being alone.
Please don't bring some poor woman into your misery just to be your "something to do."
Other than that, your profile is really just fine. Some of the self-depreciating comments might be a turnoff for some women but not for others. If that's the way you are then leave it. I'm a firm believer in being just who you are. I'm self-depreciating too so people like us see it as humor and not insecurity. There's a difference.
The living situation - I can see your problem. I had to live with my folks for a while too. Different situation (I was out of an abusive relationship and needed somewhere to go) and I got passed over for quite a few dates because I lived at home. It's amazing how short-sighted and cold some people can be. I never explained my situation because I didn't feel like it was anyone's business. And when I got back on my feet I was back on my own again but for the temporary, I had no other choice.
Hang in there. Make the best of it. Dating is hard.
Edited 12/3/2005 11:10 am ET by emdeesea
Thanks for the advice everyone and the support. I'm probably going to revise it a few times. I WILL get a pic. I know not having a pic is bad. I did have some up before though.
"You wrote: HELP!!! I'm tryin' ta get over a girl! :)
Oh no. What on earth are you on a dating site for then?
I SERIOUSLY hope you're not just trying to fill in a blank spot just so you don't have to be lonely. I got caught in one of those. The guy was emotionally unavailable and just when we started to hit it off, he pulls out the ex-girlfriend drama.
No woman wants, or should have to be, the bridge back to normalacy for any guy. You need to get over this girl on your own and get back to dating when you're comfortable being alone.
Please don't bring some poor woman into your misery just to be your "something to do."
It's a long story that I talked about elsewhere on the boards. We've never really been an item. Basically I have a thing for someone who's unavailable, but I'm trying to put it behind me. I think she likes me too but there's nothing I can do about it.
I guess I'm hoping I'll meet someone I like as much or more than her and that I'll let go.
1) I agree with the other posters about the self-deprecating comments. You are trying to show someone how great you are. If you don't think you're great, why should she? Especially online, just put your best foot forward and talk about all the things you really like about yourself.
2) Bald is not bad at all! I actually think bald men are sexy -- there's no need to put yourself down for that.
3) Definitely post a pic - one where you're smiling.
4) I get suspicious when men don't fill out their basics. You left "living situation" blank. That's kind of a biggie. If you live with roommates or something, say so. My first thought when someone leaves that section blank is that they must be separated and still living with a spouse. (I know, bad to assume, but it crosses my mind).
5) Write to the women first! Most of us have received the advice that men like to do the chasing, and we shouldn't write first. A lot of those women are probably waiting for you to write. And don't think anyone is out of your league. You never know who might find you to be her perfect match.
6) The Russian women seem to frequent the Yahoo site in particular, from what I've heard from the guys. Someone on this board mentioned plentyoffish.com, and I've checked that out recently. It's nice, because you can e-mail for free.
GOOD LUCK. You sound like a unique and fun guy, and you should meet some great people out there. :)
AJ, enjoying life with C.
I haven't read any of the other replies, so let's see how I contrast and compare to other suggestions.
"Hey, are ya lookin' for a nice, funny, attractive, intelligent, creative,
kind workin' class guy who knows how to treat a woman well and is just looking for an opportunity to be a knight in shining armor or at the very least a good boyfriend?"
I'd get rid of the slang, that sentence written in plain english will do fine. I also wouldn't offer to be a knight in shining armor for anyone, you are going to attract the needy.
"Well darlin', look no further."
I really, don't like the cowboy slang.
"To give you an idea of what my tastes are in terms of looks, I'd rather go out with Natalie Merchant than Paris Hilton. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, so if you aren't "ideal"(whatever that means), feel free to contact me. I tend to prefer women with natural, yet unconventional beauty. I also like women that are smart and compassionate."
Why count out the beautiful? remove the "whatever that means".
"My main interests are comic books, heavy metal music, pro wrestling, and politics. I keep in shape, but don't expect me to look like Mr. Universe. I'm also a frustrated writer and heavy metal frontman."
Which comic books? What heavy metal? Which prowrestlers and what politicians? Remove, "Don't expect me to look like Mr. Universe", it's negative. Do you play guitar? drums? What type of music and where?
"Basically, my dream is be both the next Stan Lee and Rob Halford. Whatever that means. If you know who both of those guys are, that's a big plus. If not, no sweat. I'll educate you."
Remove basically and whatever that means.
"I shave my head, so don't be alarmed by that. Hey, it looks better than having a "skirted eggshell"."
Remove second sentence, don't admit that you are naturally bald.
I lead a pretty clean life. No drama here babe.
Remove the babe, more slang.
Are you still reading this? :) If so, drop me a line. I'd love to hear from you.
Change "are you still reading this?" to "Does this interest you?"
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