This Guy Needs Online Dating Advice
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| Fri, 12-02-2005 - 10:06pm |
Ok, I've been dabbling with this online dating a little and I 'aint havin' any luck. I'm currently on Yahoo Personals. The only women that send me anything are Russian mail-order brides in disguise. Not only that, while I see some cute faces here and there that according to the site are good matches, I never feel compelled to send them anything. Am I just being pessimistic? Plus, I know that if I send them something, they're not going to reply. I don't even know what to say anyway.
Here's what my "top pick" according to the site says in her profile...
"...Looking at the leaves that Fall brings...you never guess which one will fall in your heart...but you still want it to lay on your heart,to soften your life...to make you feel needed..I dream about only one touch of happiness,would this Fall bring it?.... "
Ok. How do I respond to that? :)
Which brings me to another problem. These people just put little blurbs down. I don't feel any sort of connection there.
Should I just try another site? I tried match.com also but didn't see anyone there that interested me there either. In fact, I don't see anyone who interests me anywhere. All I see are pics and paragraphs. I can't be interested in pics and paragraphs. :)
Oh yeah, I also tried eharmony.com. They told me that they couldn't match me with anyone, which according to them happens with 20% of applicants.
Here's my Yahoo profile. Anyone wanna pick it apart?
http://personals.yahoo.com/us/personals-1108364494-121020
Yes. I know I need a picture. I'm working on that. I can't seem to get one of me that I like.
HELP!!! I'm tryin' ta get over a girl! :)

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Yes, yes and more yes - remove the "darlin'" and "babe". To me, those are condescending and make you sound more Neanderthal-ish and I am sure you are not that way but it comes across that way. To me, pet names are for when you know someone and have been dating a while. I don't even like it when a guy does that after a few emails. Big turnoff.
Also agree with everyone that the self-deprecation should go. Sure, we all do it, but it is not an attractive quality. You might be very secure in yourself but when you put yourself down even in a humorous manner, it come across as a lack of self-confidence.
I also agree that one thing that stood out to me in your first post was about "trying to get over a girl". That's a red flag to me. Are you sure you're ready to date? And are you looking for a relationship or just a fun rebound thing? It's importatnt to know what you want so when you find someone you can be honest with her and yourself.
And yes, you are going to have to contact women. In OLD, fewer and fewer women are contacting men because we know that men love the chase. Even if you would like women to contact you, chances are you are not going to get many because we want and need you to show interest in us first. I think that maybe your lack of ability to find someone that interests you may be a sign that you're not ready yet. There are all kinds of women on OLD - if you're ready for it, you should be able to find at least sort of what you're looking for but you have to try.
Edited cuz what I said wasn't what I meant on the Neanderthal thing!
Edited 12/3/2005 5:03 pm ET by vexer_hw
Yeah, I'll have to revise it.
The slang should go. I just wanted the women to think I'm a "character". But I could see how it would be a turn-off I guess. Believe it or not, I have some college under my belt. I just come from a blue-collar background and I'm proud of it.
I really don't like to "chase" but I guess I have to do what I have to do.
I shouldn't have said that I'm trying to get over someone. There was no relationship really.
Chamey 101-
I have my own ideas about what is beautiful. I don't think Paris Hilton is beautiful.
I changed my profile again. I still need a pic.
Thanks.
There's nothing wrong with a blue collar guy - many women like that and/or are not particular that a guy have an executive job or a college education. However, if you ARE intelligent, you need to make sure that comes across and slang and text message type speak don't convey that.
I have to say that when a guy comes across as a character, I am less likely to respond. It's great if you're funny and all that, but SHOW me when we meet. Online profiles are a tough medium because you don't have the advantage of inflection and tone of voice. What you say can be completely misinterpreted.
Yup, get out there and find a few women you want to contact that sound interesting. Peanut's emails are good but make sure if you tell her that you like her profile that maybe you mention something specific. Women love to know that you actually READ it! So many men do not and send spam like emails that are so generic. And make sure that if you contact someone that you meet most of the criteria she puts in her profile - that's another pet peeve of many women is that guys that contact them obviously haven't even read her likes and dislikes. Good luck - you can't find success if you don't try to get out there and look for it.
The improvements you made on your profile really make it positive and stand out. I am sure that you will get some attention now.
Good luck.
The only reason I didn't fill out the "About My Match" section is because none of the women seem to. I've also had people tell me that it maximizes your responses. Then I had people criticize me because I wanted to date within my race (like most people aren't like that).
I'll tweak it some more. And I WILL get a pic on there. A GOOD one. Not like the ones I had before. And I'll try to be more forward.
Thanks again everyone.
Wow, I filled mine out. I assumed most women did.
Point is, it's totally ok to have preferences. It's not like you're on there asking for only women who make over $100,000 a year. You're always going to have people criticize you for something (in my case, I get guys flaming me for only dating men of my own religion - go figure). Don't let it get to you.
I did fill it out. My dad jokes with me saying I should look for a rich old lady. :)
You're right, people always find something. I guess I'm one of those people who wants everyone to dig me.
I finally did put a pic up. I like it. I kinda look like the lead singer for Disturbed a little in it. I'll try to get more.
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