Is this guy for real?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Is this guy for real?
10
Sat, 08-01-2009 - 12:28pm

In the spirit of moving on, or in the spirit of having a fall back, I had been emailing a guy back and forth for a couple of weeks, he went away during that time on vacation, but sent me a few emails while he was gone.

On Wednesday he asked to meet on the weekend. Thursday night I email back to confirm that either day was good, but Saturday was better. Don't hear back Friday, Saturday morning still nothing. Now mind you, he has MY number, but I don't have his.

I just got home (noon) to find his email that he wants to postpone meeting tonight (we were confirmed? when and where were we meeting?) because his son (who is married with kids of his own...) asked him to come over and help him with some kind of house project.

So...two days to get back to me, and in the mean time he makes plans to help his GROWN son on a house project that is not an emergency.

And...he figures we can get together tomorrow. Like I have nothing else to do.

Yeah, that makes me feel special already.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 9:43am

Yep, I've run into this too. Guys that are total flakes, and guys that are way too involved in their grown children's lives.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 9:26pm
I think you're overreacting. Remember, he doesn't actually know you yet, why WOULD you come first in his life?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 10:04pm

Oh, gee, no, I don't think I'm a priority, heavens no.

But think of it like this...you agree with a friend that you will most definitely get together on Saturday. You confirm Saturday is good. You don't hear back from your friend for a few days. Saturday comes, you still haven't heard back. Meanwhile, you've turned down other offers of plans because you thought you had something going on.

Then in the middle of Saturday, your friend e-mails you to let you know THEY MADE OTHER PLANS! Yes, they knew they had plans with you, but they make other plans...you don't mind, right?

Yes, it's true, I don't know this person. But if I think about it in terms of a friend, or someone I am just beginning to know, it's kind of odd behavior to me. Sickness, accidents, exhaustion...there are lots of good excuses for bowing out of plans.

But to make plans with someone, then make plans with someone else, KNOWING the other person expects to meet you is, well, kind of rude.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 10:17pm

I'm confused, since you stated you hadn't actually MADE any plans, just decided on a day. So he didn't actually break them, right?

I guess I was always more reasonable about meeting guys when I was doing OLD. I knew things came up. We're all busy, that's why a lot of us do OLD, right?

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Sun, 08-02-2009 - 10:54pm

No, this guy sounds flaky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2008
Mon, 08-03-2009 - 7:06am

I think it's flaky, too. If someone says, "We'll definitely get together on Saturday", or if I say it, I assume that means, "We'll definitely get together on Saturday".

If he had said "maybe" or "Do you want to", to me, that's different.

Even in his email canceling, he acknowledged that we were going to get together, so even if the exact place wasn't set up yet, the intention, in my mind, was a plan was in place.

I wouldn't be happy if a friend did this, so why would I accept this from a date?

In my mind, first date is the time to display BEST BEHAVIOR. Otherwise, what else do I have to go on?

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Mon, 08-03-2009 - 8:31am

No, this guy sounds flaky.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Mon, 08-03-2009 - 8:34am
Actually,
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2007
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 1:35pm
Not all women are that forgiving. If you appear aloof to me I don't want to date you. You suggest a date you better come through (except a legitimate family emergency). I am of the opinion that I just met this person and he owes me nothing and vice versa so if I haven't become involved emotionally they can cancel all they want I just won't be around for a 2nd cancel.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-06-2004
Tue, 08-04-2009 - 2:36pm
That was kind of my point.