Is This Guy Too Eager?
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| Sun, 12-18-2005 - 8:12pm |
I've been talking to a guy on the phone for about a week. We found some common ground the first time we talked on the phone and I felt he was sincere. He called me the next day. I was a little stressed, the "ex" factor for those of you who read my other post. So even though I tried to sound happy and relaxed, he said something about hanging-up and not bugging me anymore. He was sensitive to my vibes, which I liked and kind of regretted. However, in an email after our first conversation, he said something about wanting to talk to me more and more. I liked that. During our second telephone conversation, though, he asked me what I was doing. I said making dinner. He asked what. I told him chili and corn bread. He said something about swinging over to my house for dinner. I knew he wasn't serious. He was going to dinner with his Spanish class and lives 50 miles away. It just kind of made me feel put on the spot and I said something about it being out of his way. I hate it when conversations go that way.
Anyway, it's really nothing, but I'm so used to guys just trying to engulf me, even long-distance. To his credit, he was going out of town the next day after he called me that second time. So I really didn't feel he was trying to pressure me. Of course, I'm looking for a serious relationship, I just don't want it to happen tomorrow. I really like what this guy had to say in his profile and on the phone. He's good-looking, too. I don't want to read too much into things. I want a guy to be interested but I'm kind of threatened by it at this point in my life. What is anyone's take on the situation? Thanks.

He's too eager if you don't really like him (probably hard to figure out after only one date). You might mention the other situation (your other post) to him, if he is truly sensitive to your feelings. He will then understand that you do like him, but are nervous about being possessed again, but not trying to push him away.
Hope that helped. FF
Yeah. Your post did help. I've been debating about whether to tell him about my ex-bf. He does know I was in an abusive marriage. I didn't tell him for how long, try nine years.
I like the guy because I put in my profile that I really was looking for someone who considered other people's needs as well as his own. He related to me how he'd made the funeral arrangements for his mother's mother recently (he was leaving the state to attend the funeral) so his mother wouldn't have to. He spoke of being someone for them to lean on since he's not as emotional. He said he didn't want to sound cold, so I volunteered that maybe he was just resigned to things. He said he also drove four and one-half hours to go to his son's X-mas program. I was really impressed, but of course, he probably knew I would be. Still, he took the time to listen to me and didn't seem all keyed-up, like so many abusive type guys seem. We also share some unusual political views, neither really trying to make a point of it.
Yes. I really am interested in this guy from what I know of him. I would normally have been happy to hear from him but my ex was supposed to be coming over to my house at any minute. I had told my ex that I was talking to other guys, but that I would try to work it out with him if I could. Well, I had invited him to dinner because his mother, from a distant state, was visiting and he mentioned about my meeting her. She couldn't come to dinner, but he could. So I felt kind of stuck. I didn't want to miss the opportunity to meet her if things did work-out between him and me somewhere down the road. Long story short, I haven't met her and she went home tonight. His behavior the night he came over for dinner was so atrocious, I knew reconciliation, or even friendship, was not an option. However, I didn't want him coming into my house while I was in the middle of talking to this other guy asking me who I was talking to, etc., getting all loud and giving the guy the wrong impression. He can be so brash. So I kind of felt like I was in a pressure cooker.
Well, this is a long post, but I appreciate that you took the time to answer me. I feel more confident showing interest back to this other guy. Thanks.
I find that almost every guy I talk to says he's coming over for dinner. I mean every guy. I think it's that inbred characteristic that a good woman will cook for her man... I don't know- I usually brush it off and change the subject, b/c I hate it too. I usually say "I'll cook for you after, after you cook for me." Something light hearted back.
But no, it doesn't sound like he is too eager, it just sounds like he wants to get to know you. But I don't think I read your post about the "ex" factor, so I am not so sure I know what that means. But if you're still hung up on someone else, then you're not really looking for a relationship- you're just looking for a rebound.
I'm not trying to sound harsh, it's just a reality. Let me know if I am off track though.
Good luck!
Hi kae,
Appreciate the in-put. Your concern about the rebound effect is valid. However, I should tell you I'd been in the process of getting over my bf since last May. As soon as I moved closer to him, his behavior has become more and more obnoxious. Now my kids tell me he was mean to them when we lived in another city, but he didn't act that way in front of me. I feel bad about the situation, but mostly because of his daughter. She has all the behaviors of an abused/neglected child. Walking away from him is easy, but it's not so easy with her. I wish I could do something. I'm over him because I know he's a lost cause and I don't wish to waste my life on people who cannot and will not benefit, anymore. She's different, though.
I think I'm ready to start thinking about another relationship, although I will admit I'm a little wary still. It's not too bad, though. I mostly just need help interpreting guys' behaviors sometimes, because I don't know too much about *normal*. Glad to know guys let you know the way to their hearts is through their stomachs. lol