guy from a year ago resurfaces
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| Sat, 12-10-2005 - 11:32am |
I wonder how you'd respond to a message like this. I've made clear that I'm not the most seasoned expert on OLD. The first time I'd tried it was over a year ago as I was finishing graduate school, 300 miles from where I currently live. One of the guys I'd met I hung out with for a good 2 or 3 months, but it fizzled out because the sparks weren't there and he also had a very negative side. He was intelligent, treated me nicely, and had a softspoken, gentle personality, but he had a very bleak outlook on life, where he tended to focus on everything that was wrong with the world. He also had very low self-esteem. So I reached a point where I just couldn't take it anymore and said things that hurt his feelings (I think it was something along the lines of, "why don't you surprise me by talking about something you DON'T hate?"). After that, I never heard from him again. He was extremely sensitive so I think he took it very personally and couldn't face me after that. I felt badly about hurting his feelings, but was glad to move on because his negative outlook was bringing me down.
Anyway, he resurfaced today, after a whole year! I got an email from him asking if I'd like to have dinner and see a movie. I'm amused because before I was always the one making all the suggestions and he was too shy to initiate anything. It makes me wonder what the heck happened to him. Something must be going on with him.
I haven't the remotest interest in rekindling things with him. He was just way too sensitive and negative. Besides, I don't even live in teh same town anymore. I don't harbor any bitterness toward him. If anything, I hoped he'd take care of himself and somehow find a way to be more positive about himself and life. Without me.
Anyone had an experience like this? Would you respond? I thought about just sending a short note saying it's nice to hear from you, but I've moved. There's no need to communicate beyond this?

I would just write something like "nice to hear from you, I hope you're doing well. However, I've moved to X, so dinner and a movie is out. Take care,"
I wouldn't include the line about no need to communicate beyond this (but I wasn't sure if that was directed at us, or if you were proposing to include it in the email).
Sheri
Based on the way it ended, I wouldn't even bother contacting him back. I'm all for being polite but it's almost like the ex-bf that tries to resume contact after it clearly did not work. What's the point in responding?
Gee, if you weren't from the States I would say we dated the same guy! I have zero patience for people with negative outlooks, so he was toast within 3 months. I blew him off in an email, full of polite lies, and he seemed to accept my decision. However, he emailed me a few months ago (after about 6 months) and I just ignored it. I didn't think there was any point in starting a conversation which would only end up with another buh-buy email from me.
Sometimes no answer is the best answer.
amjay
Maybe he's canvassing the continent looking for women to take care of him and listen to his drivel!
I think he was one of those guys who thought cynicism made him edgy or something, but he just took it way overboard. I appreciate a certain level of cynicism and sarcasm, but he became totally predictable about his angst and discontent about the world after a short period, at which point I was like, "Next!"
I went ahead and sent him a note saying "Thanks for the message. I've since moved 300 miles away, so we can't meet. I do hope you're doing well. Take care."
Once again, thanks for the input. As always, valid points on both sides, and I took it all under consideration.
SBC