Guys run off after I show my pic! LOL

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2000
Guys run off after I show my pic! LOL
12
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 8:59am

Hello, Board. I have never posted here before. But, I am officially delurking now...

Well, I have nice conversations with men by im, e-mail, phone. But, after I forward my picture.....I never hear from them again. I meet these men online from a dating site for single parents. I explain my situation, etc. The are supportive, then forward my picture and ** poof ** they are gone! Makes me disgusted.

Anyone else have experience with these type of situations?

Christy

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 10:03am

I can think of only 2 scenarios that would cause them to do that.

1) The showed interest in you because you didn't have a picture and felt it was a bit of a challenge to get the picture from you. Did they post a pic???

2) Your picture is not a good picture. Take a look at what you sent. Is there a piece of a boyfriend in your picture like an arm or a leg? Are you wearing a wedding ring? Are your kids in the picture? Are you drinking alcoholic beverages? Are you morbidly obese? Are you not smiling?

If there is a problem you might want to take a few more pictures of yourself with a really good digital camera.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-27-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 12:50pm

I have been on the other side of this - corresponded with guys w/o pics and then disappeared when they sent one. Why? B/c they had misrepresented themselves or I did not find them attractive (not necessarily that they were ugly, just not my type).

I would recommend that you post a pic - then only men who find you attractive will correspond with you. Happy trails!

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 1:16pm

A friend of mine has been in this situation and it's terribly cruel because if you knew her in person she's bubbly, cute, and draws people to her. Unfortunately it doesn't come through in a photograph.

My approach was to have my photos up from the beginning. That way, I wouldn't be in the precise situation that you're in. It would hurt my feelings if someone seemed interested and then suddenly weren't after they saw my photos.

When people don't have their photos up but seem very interesting, the person on the other end might start creating all kinds of fantasy images of what the person must look like. When the photo finally arrives, even if it's attractive it might be a let down from the idealized image the person has created. That might be happening.

In any case, if you're comfortable, post the pictures up front so the people who contact you already know how cute you are. And as someone already said, get some flattering pictures of yourself. Make sure you have a friendly smile on your face and the lighting is good. If your hair looks better down, wear it that way. Wear a top you know you look good in. If you have parts you don't want accentuated, crop them out. You might ask friends for input too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 2:05pm

"When people don't have their photos up but seem very interesting, the person on the other end might start creating all kinds of fantasy images of what the person must look like. When the photo finally arrives, even if it's attractive it might be a let down from the idealized image the person has created."


I completely agree.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 3:51pm
I would get a good picture on your profile and see how that works. Just remember the waters of old are shark infested, so be careful and don't take anything personally, it's their loss! I take exception to what one poster said about being morbidly obese, so what if you were! Does that entitle you to anything less? Is that a license for others to treat you cruel and have no regards for your feelings, I think not! They need love too just like everybody else. They have every right to search for love just like the rest of us. I am sick to death of weight discrimination.
The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-02-2000
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 4:09pm

Hello, again.

I am not overweight.

I am just pregnant and the guy I have been chatting back and forth with e-mailed me this afternoon, he said he is busy at work and that we would talk tonight.

I feel better, maybe just pregnancy hormones....

Maybe bad idea trying to socialize while being pregnant, but doesn't hurt to try to meet new people. Not looking for a daddy for my baby, or anything of the such. Just want to get out and socialize.

Thanks for everyone's comments. I am going to go ahead and put up a picture on my profiles. I hate it that looks still seem to be everything in the year 2005!!! But, that is life in the big city...

Christy

:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 4:15pm
You may be sick to death of "weight discrimination"(as you call it) but some people are sometimes turned of by morbid obesity when it comes to dating. This is the type of characteristic that may not be present on a profile but very evident on a picture. If one doesn't plan to post a picture and they are more than a few pounds overweight, it might be a good idea to tactfully mention this on a profile, that way there is no confusion when pictures are exchanged.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 4:36pm

Good idea changing to posting the picture right off - I always feel that if they don't like what I look like from the beginning, they just won't contact me in the first place and then I don't have to get hurt feelings or anything if they decide to stop communication once they receive the picture.

Not a criticism at all but I would think the pregnancy thing might scare of some guys. You might not be looking for a daddy for your child, but I bet some of them might think that no matter your assurances and/or wonder about the father of the baby and if he's still in the picture, causing problems or anything. I think a lot of guys (especially younger ones, I don't know your age) are scared of taking on a commitment like a woman who is pregnant or has a baby. It doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you or even with them - it just is. However, I do have a guy friend that met his now wife online and she was pregnant with someone else's child! There are guys out there that will be OK with it so you never know. But it is just 2cents as to why some guys might run.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 4:51pm
Yes, unfortunately it is always about the looks. Don't let that deter you though, just try and develop a little thick skin about the whole process (you'll need it). You never know, you just might make a friend. The Single Mothers & Dating group are also very nice and supportive, so you may want to drop by. Like I said before everyone regardless of size and situation has the right to look, they just should be honest and upfront about themselves. You may want to mention your situation on your profile, so you avoid gettting any hurtful responses or lack of latter on. I wish you all the best of luck.
The T Girl
Avatar for travkitty
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-05-2003
Thu, 12-01-2005 - 4:57pm

Ok, 2 questions....

1) Do you let them know in your profile that you're pregnant, so they know right off the bat?

2) Are you obviously pregnant in the picture you send?

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