Guys who post their 3-figure salary

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Guys who post their 3-figure salary
12
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 9:16am
Building on a previous discussion about the dilemma whether to post one's advanced degree in one's online profile and how to ward off "gold diggers"--I have a little different question, namely: I have recently had some good communication with a guy who (as I noticed only later) has posted his salary figures as 100-150 000. He also notes in his profile (which is otherwise very nice) that he is "not in debt" and enjoys having some finer things. Is that a red flag? Should we be cautious about guys who DO post their big salary? What might be some reasons for doing that, and how common is that? I know that he is not really looking for "flings" and one-night stands but for something more serious. But still, I find it a little odd that he posted his salary. What do you think?

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:19am

I messed around with Rebecca on this one... it's really a 6 figure salary... :o)


But as for your real question, I think it could mean a few things. Maybe he really does make that amount of money and is looking for a woman who makes the same so he is looking to meet someone who is an 'equal.' Or, maybe he's looking for a woman who admires a man who makes so much because she'll look up to him and want him to take care of her. Or maybe he doesn't make that amount at all and is just hoping to catch a woman who won't figure it out. What it comes down to is there could be a multitude of reasons for posting his salary and you won't really know until you get to know him a bit better.


If he's someone who catches your eye outside of the salary, I would take some time to get to know him and to understand why he publicly posted his salary. But I wouldn't necessarily consider it a red flag just because he did...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:31am
Thanks, Kerry--and yes, I realized that it is actually a 6-figure salary the minute I had posted it... But yes, I agree with you, I think you have a good point--there may be a multitude of reasons behind it. It had just been my opinion that men usually don't disclose their salary if it is big like that, as they want to avoid women hitting on them because of their money, and this guy seems to be inviting them instead...
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:40am

I dont find the posting of the salary odd at all.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:49am
Yep, it may just be what he's looking for. Some men (women too) like the control some things bring. Me? I'm more in line with you... a person I'm with can learn about my salary after they know and like me. Though my salary isn't the type that would attract golddiggers... LOL
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 10:52am
Thanks for that advice, Rebecca--and I think you are very right. I guess I may be wrong for finding posting one's salary odd. It makes a lot of sense what you write. Well, then I can only hope that he was not lying (which would definitely be odd). But I agree that some equality in education/salary levels and similarity of interests is definitely important. (And by the way, I found it very interesting what you wrote about Kenya--I have lived there myself too and completely share your sentiments!).
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2007
Sun, 04-08-2007 - 11:02am
Yes, this issue seems to be complicated--and there can be definitely two sides to that story. I think the best would indeed be to find out what the reasons and motivations were (behind posting a 6-figure salary) in each concrete case...
Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 4:43pm

Most dating websites have a section/space to put the poster's income. Most people select the "Rather not say" option.

I skip WOMEN who have 6 figure salaries because I know I won't be able to "keep up" with their lifestyle. I make good money but because of my financial obligations and choice in lifestyle I do not care to spend money on jetting to Hawaii or Mexico or going out to 5 star restaurants. I paying support for my children and both will be going to college. So for my dates, I care not to spring for the $60/tkt opera tickets plus the $120 dinner before hand and after opera drinks, etc. on a regular basis

I look at LIFESTYLE which includes salary of the woman. An example if the woman does not have children (grown and moved out or none at all) and ready to travel, etc. then I do not try to connect with them.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Mon, 04-09-2007 - 6:37pm

Mark, don't be too quick to dis a woman with a 6-figure salary. I make one, and I'm in such amazing educational debt it would blow your mind. I live in a modest house and have finally been able to furnish each room. Some of us make some serious cash, but don't live like Kings and Queens. Once I get the house, furniture and student loans paid off, I'll have to catch up with my peers on the retirement savings. I suspect I'll be getting student loan bills at the old folks home though.

But Rebecca, I agree with you. If I want to buy a 25 dollar bottle of wine, or really spend some cash on a dining room table, I don't want someone giving me a hard time for it. I lived below the poverty level for too long while doing my education and life IS short. I practically had to beg for my supper some days, ate enough Ramen noodles to kill a pancreas, so now it's my time to buy some nice things.

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 3:32pm

I go back and forth on this one. I make a 6-figure salary and right now it's in my profile, but I've also left it blank in the past.

Like it or not, how much money people make *is* a factor in relationships. It's almost funny how much we all like to sit around and insist that it's not important, yet we all know couples who have fought about money, and we can read about how it's a big factor in a lot of relationships.

At the same time, ideally it really would NOT matter; what would matter is our feelings and happiness and so forth.

I think from a lot of guys' point of view, since money is so often seen as a validation for whether or not they're "doing well" in life, posting a big salary (if they make it) is understandable. It might be a bit crass, but you can see why they might do it. Heck, I know I've felt this way about myself at times, even while I feel guilty for feeling that way!

Making big money is also nowhere near as important (to me, anyway) as what you do with it. I drive a 7 year old SUV because I've chosen to sink more dough into my home, which I figure is an asset that will appreciate, while a shiny new car will depreciate. (I'll buy a new rig when I need one, but there's nothing wrong with the old one... yet. Repairs are starting to build, though!)

I was in horrible debt for several years and could have declared bankruptcy, but chose to just keep working my way out and now have a better-than-average credit rating. It's not in the top category, but will be in a few months when the last few things drop off my record (yay!)

I guess the end result of all this musing is this- it isn't that big of a deal either way. What IS a big deal isn't the money itself; it's the attitude ABOUT the money.

For example, a guy who makes a salary of, say, 65K but who's reasonably thrifty and thinks wisely about money seems to me to be more desirable for a long-term deal than a guy who makes lots (sayy 150K) but blows it on any/every shiny gadget that comes along.

If you're a woman who's thrifty, you're going to be a lot happier, long-term, about money if you go with the guy who doesn't make as much. It might seem like you could maybe do better with the guy who makes a lot more and therefore represents more of an opportunity for a really "good life", but the odds are there's going to be a lot of conflict with him over money.

When it comes to women and their salaries, it doesn't bug me a bit if they make more or make less; what bugs me is if they're oblivious to money at all. I've dated women who didn't make much at all but who were extremely smart with money, and women who've made tons who were dumb with it, and every combo in between.

What matters is your thinking and attitudes about it. That's got to match, or at least be compatible and something you can discuss, or else you're hosed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Fri, 04-13-2007 - 5:37pm

Hey HJ, very wise post. I think it is true, there are so many people who say money shouldn't matter, love does. But I've had two BFs in the past 6 years who struggled with what I made or my level of education and could never get comfortable with it.

I think you are right, it shouldn't matter how much you make. What you do with it and how that fits into both person's goals is what matters. And I have a close friend who has a PhD in neurophysiology and she married the sweetest guy in the world who is artsy and fun and works as a garbage collecter. They are a great couple!

Chick

Pages