Guys that won't give up

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Guys that won't give up
7
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 7:48pm

We've all talked about how it's better to just not respond to someone you're not interested in, rather than write a "thanks, but no thanks" email. And that is what I do: no reply. Guys, isn't it obvious?

Lately I've had guys repeatedly contact me--even though I never respond. Some of them are almost begging me to meet, but others are scolding me for not contacting them. Yeah, like that's going to help their chances. I have a pretty thick skin, but the fact is, it does bother me. I feel badly for them, I do. Perhaps it raises those awful concerns of being "too picky." But I just don't have the emotional energy to meet lots of guys, especially if I know we have nothing in common or he's way too old for me or lives in another state or I'm just not digging his NASCAR T-shirt.

Does anyone else have this happen?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-02-2009 - 11:02am

I have.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2009
Sun, 06-07-2009 - 7:44pm

Yea, I agree with the above poster - when I was single and active on the dating websites, a simple click of the "Block User" button would do for guys who continued sending unanswered messages or couldn't take a hint.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2008
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 1:04am
Yes, and I just block their user name and remove their profile from any future searches or selections done by match.com.
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Thu, 06-11-2009 - 2:25pm

Sheri's right, I do think it's rude. Still. :)

I do think that ignoring an obvious "form letter" email is okay- if someone didn't bother taking the time to write to you personally, then you certainly don't owe them the time back.

But I think that hint of desperation you're smelling in these guys' notes stems from the fact that they can zap out email after email after email and NEVER get any response at all. See the other thread, where the reasonably nice, non-ugly dude has sent out 30 emails with no answer.

My belief is that women just don't grasp this issue because they get a much higher response rate to when they send email, but believe me, it's incredibly frustrating for these guys- often matching your criteria VERY well- to send out nice notes that they personally wrote to individual women and never get a response.

I say send them a one-liner "thanks but we're not a match" and then block 'em.

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 3:47pm

I agree for the additional reason of sometimes the woman may not have received my message or have been away for whatever reason.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 7:38pm

Hi; I thought I would add a guy's response.

Best response i ever got was "sorry, I'm not interested, it's not gonna happen".

Sure, it stings, but guys take that as: "you're done here, move on". Context matters -- obviously in an established relationship, it's a bit of a blow-up, probably needs some chilling and talking, but in the "interview stage" of the first few volleys of email or IM or "flirt-for-free", it's a clear sign, and it saves us both time.

Guys are much more direct. You know that. We're not your girlfriends, we don't take that hint, we don't know you well enough for what you'd think are the simplest of signs. We need time to get to know you, to read your hints.

Even in internet-dating, guys have to cross that virtual floor to talk to you. We get rejected, often, but have no idea until we get that "this profile is unavailable" (but still shows up when I'm logged out). Give us the courtesy of "it's not gonna happen", so we can more quickly move on, without the cruelty of the doubts: "did she get the mail?" "did that wink go through?" "computers never friggin work, I'm sending another"

FWIW, *after* the rejection, feel free to block/ignore/banish, you've given us walking papers before closing the door, and most suitors will leave thereafter you be.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-12-2009
Fri, 06-12-2009 - 7:45pm

Strongly agree -- your message might have been hidden when I started my long post there.

(sorry for that long message, BTW)

A Quick "sorry, we're not a match" would send away most guys. Once or twice, you'll get used to sending it. Cut-n-Paste is not rude here :)

Allan