Had bad experiences....need pointers....
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| Sat, 08-20-2005 - 10:01pm |
Hi everyone,
I am new to the online dating world and even though I am facing challenges, I still am enjoying the experience.
Maybe it's just my experience, but I seem to be attracting guys who are only out to find a lover and nothing else. All of them say they want a serious relationship, but after only 2 or 3 dates they start coming on really strong.
So, please tell me, how can I discern if a guy is really serious or just pretending to be? Should I call them up quickly or correspond with them for a while? Alot of guys are quick to give me their phone number and I wonder if that is a good sign or if it means the guy wants to move fast.
Also, right now I am dating pretty much one guy at a time because they have almost all called for a second date and I really wanted to give them and me a fair chance. I am doing things right? I have to wonder because I always end up feeling disappointed because I gave them exculsivity only to find out they were not worth it.
What do guys do? Do they date many girls at once? Is it alright for me to ask them questions about what they are doing or does it seem too interested or too intrusive?
I am so confused so any advice would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
Ginny

Hi there,
I don't think whether you meet slowly or quickly makes a difference with respect to how quickly the relationship is going to progress once you've met. I think it's best to take it to real life ASAP, then take it slowly from there.
I personally prefer to date several men at once in the early stages...that accomplishes several things: it keeps me from getting too attached to any one man too soon, and it forces me to go more slowly because if things are working the way they should, I don't have time to go out with each guy more than once a week or so. I think you need to date someone steadily for a good 6-8 weeks before you have a good sense of whether they are someone you want to date exclusively.
No, I don't ask if they are dating other people...I just assume they are and I think it's tacky to talk about it.
If they seem to be wanting to get physical too soon for my comfort zone, but I otherwise like them, I will tell them that while I'm attracted to them and like them, I'm not comfortable sleeping with someone until we've agreed to date exclusively, and that I need to date someone for a while before I know if I want to date them exclusively. If a guy's really interested in *you*, and not just out for sex, he'll be ok with waiting.
Anyway, just some ideas that work for me. Hope this helps!
Sheri
Thank-you Sheri!
I definitely want to keep trying to meet the right guy. So I appreciate your advice.
Hugs,
Ginny