Had a date with a past OLD guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Had a date with a past OLD guy
4
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 9:46pm

Hi everyone,

Well I went out with the guy, Mike, I had dated about 3 times, about 6 months ago. Six months ago there was definitely attraction there on both of our parts, but as usual the timing was off. He started a new position at his job that required extra time, had two young sons, and our schedules just didn't agree. So we drifted and that was when I started dating another guy which eventually turned into an exclusive thing, until the past couple of weeks when we broke up.

Yet Mike and I emailed every couple of weeks keeping in touch and he knew I was in a relationship then and was just very nice in his emails. I think that he liked that I wouldn't date others while I was exclusive with someone. But anyway, we kept in touch and when I informed him that the relationship was over, he asked me out.

So that was last night and it was really nice. The chemistry was there, but again I think there may be some stumbling blocks as he told me how crazy his life is right now and that he really wants to have a relationship but isn't sure if he can do it and give it the time it needs. When he said that I couldn't believe it since this was a repeat of what the most recent ex had said!

Yet Mike said he would like to try to incorporate it into his life. He saw the traveling that he does now with his new position as a possible problem for partners. I said well many relationships people traveland do fine, it depends on if the two want to work on developing and giving time to a relationship and he said that he wants to.

But it just felt weird that he would reveal that to me right away, yet he said he is a very honest guy and felt that I should know that. So I am having questions about if I should even pursue this at all. It's like he's saying I'm attracted to you but I don't have time for a relationship! He knows fromour emails that I'm more for the LTR than the casual stuff.

So I asked him point blank, "Mike, what DO you want?" That's when he said he would like to try a relationship. I didn't think the night would have gotten so serious.

There is the attraction there, which has been there for some time now just lingering I guess, and we laugh a lot and have a great time together. I did think of him now and then when I was with the ex.

But I know over the next 3 weeks, Mike has his vacation time and I have mine, different weeks of course, so there isn't going to be much time to see eachother. We live about 20 miles away from eachother and he is buying a new house about 10 miles from me.

I feel like I would like to give it a try with him, but have the doubts from the recent breakup creeping in with not having enough time for a relationship, it kind of feels like a repeat in some ways which probably isn't good...

So that is what is happening my way. I am still doing the OLD thing though and have a coffee meet for next week.

Sunshine

Avatar for calilawgirl
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-15-2003
Fri, 06-10-2005 - 11:28pm

Are you saying you want to give a relationship a try with this guy? Are you sure that's such a good idea? You went out on 3 dates 6 months ago and have exchanged emails every few weeks since then- which is what about 12-15 emails. And a date yesterday. But it sounds like that's it. Why not just try DATING each other for a while and see how that goes. You are only very recently out of a relationship with a man that didn't really have time for you. My vote is for you to date this guy and get to know him and how your schedules mesh together. That way you can make an informed decision about what a relationship would be like with this guy.

One other thought- Do you think it's possible you like the idea of a boyfriend more than having this specific guy as your boyfriend? Just a thought since it sounds like you are considering jumping into a relationship with a guy you don't really know all that well, plus who you won't even see much over the next three weeks.

Just my 2 cents...

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 1:35am

i have to agree w/ calilawgirl..

and no problem being friends and dating him but date others too. he is telling he isn't sure what he wants and from your post your last guy told you that and now here you are starting over again . you deserve to be w/ someone who knows what they want and that they want to try a r'ship.. this guys seems just as ambivalent as he was before and you could be falling into the same pattern. i don't believe you are over the ex otherwise you would probably see this as a red flag and stay away?? but if you are just out for fun right now go out..and not get too serious

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2004
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 10:26am

This sounds very familiar. I believe you said that if Bach #1 was willing to make an effort to invest more time in your rel. you would have been happy. Now Bach #2 says he IS willing. So you are getting what you want, only with another fellow.

Another observation: it really concerns me when, right out of the gate, he says doesn't really have time for a relationship but still wants one. Only time will tell whether he can live up to his side of the relationship bargain. What will help him, and you, is if you are clear about how much time you actually need.

It might be wise at this point to keep things casual, continue to see other people, and see if the two of you can make it together despite crazy schedules.

Good luck!!

amjay

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Sat, 06-11-2005 - 12:15pm

I would continue to date others if we were seeing eachother. It's not like an exclusive thing. I just found it interesting that he informed me right away about the relationship time thing.

Sure I'd like to have a bf and someone in my life, wouldn't most of us, otherwise we wouldn't be doing OLD, but I didn't say I was getting involved with him right away. I'm just going to let it play out, be casual about it with him, and see what happens as I continue to date others also. But thanks for all of your thoughts.

Sunshine