Had an interesting conversation today

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2004
Had an interesting conversation today
9
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 1:23pm

I had this real nice chat with this guy today. We were talking about people and their "hang ups" and why they're looking for someone online. I told him my "hangups" and reasons why I choose to meet people online. I told him with kids and working long hours on the weekend, it's nearly impossible for me to meet anyone except online.

Well, we talked about other stuff for a while, and then out of the blue he says "you wanna know what my hangup is?" Well, he told me he was paralyzed at 11 from an accident, and within the last few years, he is walking again. Now I would have never known this from the pics. He says his other "hang up" is that he's real skinny, (didn't see that he was this skinny in the pics) he's only 140 lbs! I was thinking about meeting him, but now I don't know, I don't know if I'd be attracted to him, (I weigh about the same as he does, lol.) He sounded like a nice guy, had things going for him, good job, but he says he walks with a very distinct limp too. Maybe I'm just shallow?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 2:41pm
If you're shallow, I am too. I exchanged e-mails and instant messages with a man who seemed nice. He was right up front about the fact he had cerebral Palsy and used a cane. At the time he told me he likes to be up front about that because some girls are "shallow and won't go out " with him because of it. I went out with him a couple of times because I didn't want to admit to him or me really that I was shallow. But it was kind of weird to be with him. Part of that was his disability. PArt of that was the fact that as I looked over my mental list of "turn off's", physical and otherwise, he had them. He alwys made me feel weird. Like I was some kind of prize or something. He kept saying he was just this ugly dumb little cripple and look who he got. But the last straw was when we were at the food court in the mall and he leaned up against my back, not because he had to but to cop a feel, then gave my butt a big pinch. The reality is, if you aren't attracted to him, that's not shallow, at least in my opinion. That's just part of who you are.
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 4:29pm

he says he walks with a very distinct limp too.

I walk really funny too, but I don't have a medical condition that causes it. Every one has their flaws, but you are the one that has to make the final decision about what is acceptable to you or not. No I don't think it would make you shallow if you decide to drop him. It either works for you or it doens't. Some women don't like short men, men with receding hair lines, men with tattoos, men with piercings, men who sweat too much, men who wear leather, men who ride monster trucks, or men who ride motorcycles. Everyone has their own standards.

R.I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-30-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 4:37pm

But the last straw was when we were at the food court in the mall and he leaned up against my back, not because he had to but to cop a feel, then gave my butt a big pinch.

He is lucky he didn't fall and hurt himself in the process of pinching you with all the movement and the balance problems that he has from his Cerebral Palsy. One would think someone in his condition wouldn't even try to attempt it for that risk of self-injury that someone in his condition might incur. One would think with all the uncontrollable movements and with the walker that he probably has to use to walk that he wouldn't even be able to grope someone.

R.I.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 5:02pm
He actually did pretty well for someone with this disability. He didn't use a walker, just a cane. However, if he'd tried it again, he would have been on the floor, but for a different reason! He kept telling me he had very strong arms and was hung like a horse. Like that gave him permission to pinch and grope!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 5:30pm

Disability or not; he still is a MAN! (smile)

The groping and the "hung like a horse" statement was a bit over the top! Geez, a disabled JERK!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:30pm

I met a guy online who had a limp also. After talking to him a few times, it came out that he wanted a really good-looking woman b/c he wanted people to look at him and say "wow, look the girl he has..." Well for me, I don't want to play trophy to anyone. In every conversation, his disability also came up. It seemed to me that he wasn't comfy with it so how could I be?


If you're interested, then one date can't kill ya. But if your guts are saying eh... then listen to them. :o)


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 7:35pm
I guess I'm shallow too. I met a guy that has a limp (It's weird how many of us have). I didn't know it until the end of the meet because he was sitting at the bar. It turned me off. He was also on the short side, which didn't help. I know looks aren't everything, but I just don't feel an attraction to someone that is shorter or real close to my height. I'm 5'8".
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 8:24pm

For what it's worth...I don't think it's shallow to not be attracted to someone because of something physical about them. It would be one thing if you knew the person & were in a situation where you came to like them, then had more feelings develop - you might not even notice whatever it was after time. But for blind dating or OLD, it's different.

I went out with a guy who turned out to be very short, shorter than me (I'm 5'3"). I was not attracted to him. If I had liked his personality, I might have gone out with him again, but he didn't have an attractive personality either. Also, I can't stand tatoos. I just can't get past it. I wouldn't want to date someone I'm not attracted to simply in order to not be shallow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
Fri, 10-14-2005 - 8:46pm
I don't think you are shallow. Physical attraction is a key ingredient to any successful and happy relationship.