have any of you done this?
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have any of you done this?
| Thu, 05-05-2005 - 5:05pm |
I know it was wrong what I did and now I'm suffering the consequences. I emailed a guy too long before meeting him. I'd like to know if any of you have emailed someone longer than you should have before meeting them and if so, how if affected you. Especially if you were turned down by the person after meeting.

I got into the email thing too long. It got extended because the person had something come up and we had to re-schedule meeting. When we met everything went normally (except the post-meet "no connection" email). After about a year online I have learned to keep my expectations very reasonable about what may (or may not) come of these online meetings.
While generally the advice is to meet asap -- in many instances you just have things that come up. When that happens I tend to like to keep in touch but I would never start calling every night. I may email every other day just to keep on top of things.
So short answer is BTDT and I don't think it really hurt because my expecations are always low going in. The problem is when you email or talk for a month or two without trying to plan anything.
In generaly start making plans immediately. I will also walk away from anyone that cancels more than once without a really good excuse.
I agree with meeting sooner now. I emailed for about a month, only once or twice a week, because it was my first time doing the online dating thing and he didn't get to use a computer often, only once or twice a week. Even when he suggested we meet after the third email, I was unsure about him so I said I wasn't comfortable with that yet. I would've felt uncomfortable trying to talk to him when we didn't know much about each other. Now that I know how quiet he is, I know it would've been even harder to find things to talk about. When I did meet him, there were a lot of lulls in the conversation. But now I keep thinking that if I did meet him sooner, things would be different and we might still be together. I guess I'll never know.
Edited 5/5/2005 5:21 pm ET ET by kathy748
Edited 5/5/2005 5:47 pm ET ET by kathy748
>>I keep thinking that if I did meet him sooner, things would be different and we might still be together. I guess I'll never know.<<
Um, no, you know right now. You're just torturing yourself for some reason.
Here's the deal. The reason two people don't work out is because they just don't fit for *some* reason. It might be a lot of reasons.
We don't know why/how chemistry works the way it does, but it's just what it is. We also know that we might have screaming-hot physical chemistry with someone, but if we don't have that emotional/mental/intellectual connection, it's not going to work.
In this case, you don't work with the guy now- why would've an earlier meet be any different? Would it have changed the basic essence of you? Or him? Of course not.
The only time, the ONLY time, you can say that "we shoulda met earlier" is if someone, in the meanwhile, gets hooked up with a partner. THEN it might be that you and them were compatible, but you just didn't meet at the right time.
But even then, someone is hooked up, and that's a good thing for them, so you should be happy for them, not crying over spilt milk (so to speak).
Sooooo... quit worrying about it. If you met him earlier, the odds are extremely good that you still wouldn't have clicked anyway.
I hope you're right about that. I'd like to think that's how it would've turned out anyway, with no chemistry there even in the beginning but I don't know for sure. I'm trying my best to forget about the whole situation but I'm finding it hard to do.
I'd still like to know if there's anybody in a similar situation. There probably isn't, but I'd still like to know if there is.
Probably once I emailed a guy for too long in my early days of OLD. Can't remember the exact situation. I just always knew from common sense that I wanted to meet him soon to see how he REALLY was. You can't make any judgements from the words someone writes on a screen. I learned quick that that was a big mistake. And I also learned that if a guy exited stage left after meeting, he wasn't interested and it wasn't worth me getting too upset over it. If I never had an actual relationship with the guy anyway, what did it matter?
Have to add to Nice Guy's comments: you're torturing yourself. Maybe you would have worked out and maybe you would have - but probably not. If you didn't "click" upon meeting, it probably was never going to happen anyway - meeting sooner or later wouldn't have made any difference. This is the here and now. What's done is done. You can't change it. So learn from it and more forward. I know - easier said than done. But really - you can't change it. Now you know - meet the next guy ASAP and sweep the losers under the table.
Edited 5/5/2005 9:28 pm ET ET by emdeesea
I hope you're not talking about that guy you wrote about a while back.