Have You Ever.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2003
Have You Ever.....
5
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 7:34pm
I was just curious... has anyone ever told an outright lie to a potential cyber-date?

I know we're probably all decent, nice, genuine people here, and wouldn't lie to be malicious or hurtful... but I'm wondering what things we might not be completely truthful about when first getting to know someone via the Internet.

I guess my reason is, if we nice, normal people might fudge on the truth, maybe it would help us be aware of what "not-so-nice" people might say to be hurtful (or even dangerous, for that matter)

I'll fess up: I lied about my weight, partly because I was in denial about gaining it, and partly because I figured I drop some--- "starting Monday" of course.

Please don't let me be the only one :-D

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 7:58pm
Fortunately on the site I use weight is optional. But I know what you mean about denial over weight gain. When I first signed up I had gained 32 or so pounds and I had never been overweight in my life. I hesitated over how to describe my body type because I knew that I was going to lose the extra pounds. (I've since lost 20 lbs).

I did bend the truth about my smoking habit. At first I said "trying to quit" and I kind of meant it at the time. But I didn't really do too well - especially when I started dating a fellow smoker. So, I changed it to "occasional smoker" In my mind it really wasn't a lie because I did manage to cut back from a pack a day to 5-8 a day and I stopped smoking indoors. To me that was smoking only occasionally. But men starting asking how much I smoke (non-smokers) and to them 5-8 a day was a regular smoker. So, it was a little lie (although I never claimed to be a non-smoker) but it was causing too much trouble. So now I admit that I smoke regularly - even if it's a dealbreaker for 90% of the population.

Honestly, I would caution against lying because you will be caught. What happens if you meet someone and it becomes obvious that you lied about your weight? He might start to wonder if you've lied about other things. And...while he might like everything about you - including your physique - if he knows that you lied - that might be the last date.

jhoover

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iVillage Member
Registered: 08-07-2003
Fri, 11-07-2003 - 9:49pm
No, I haven't lied - but you are definitely not alone! A lot of people do lie - short-ish men add 1-2 inches to their height, and it seems like almost everyone fudges on weight/body shape. But in spite of the fact that others do it, I wouldn't recommend doing it, b/c when you meet in person, he is going to know you lied and if your weight matters to him, it will just make for an awkward date. But if you're on a site that uses body shapes instead of weight - i.e., average, a few extra pounds - I do think that "average" is a pretty broad range, and if you're in it, then use it.

I had one guy in particular who comes to mind who both added a few inches to his height AND greatly understated his body size - the picture he had online must have been old and pre-weight gain, b/c I didn't even recognize him! It was very awkward.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sat, 11-08-2003 - 12:00am
I'm fairly lenient when the lie is about weight -unless it's drastic - but I am not lenient about age. I have lied/been vague about the extent to which I have contact with my ex (we are dating) because to me it is no one's business if I am dating 10 other people so long as I don't have an exclusive person in my life. I give my real height, weight and age - would never lie since the men I have met - their number one compaint is women who lie about their weight - I've met 50 men in person and spoken to hundreds - it's both the lie and because some make clear that they prefer thin women - superficial - I guess so - but I guess that is a part of dating. Sort of like some women are anti-bald (I don't care)
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-12-2003
Sat, 11-08-2003 - 2:35pm
Lying about weight wasn't a good idea.. no, it was a BAD idea.

I met a guy and he was downright mean and nasty and rather cruel over the fact that I lied about my size. But like the other poster said, I had never gained that much in my life, and my bigness didn't really register in my mind.

After that experience, I would say "I've recently gained some weight, but I'm working it off" - then I'd talk about how I liked tennis, jogging, etc. This approach was MUCH MUCH better. If a guy was going to reject me then & there, I'd actually be saving myself the trouble.

To try to "excuse" myself (LOL) the weight gain was due to a car crash followed by an illness and some medication, so in my mind, it wasn't the "real" me.

:-D

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-05-2003
Sat, 11-08-2003 - 11:48pm
My weight gain was also due to medication. I assumed/hoped that once I stopped the meds the extra pounds would naturally melt away. They didn't - so for the first time in my life I had to diet.

jhoover

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