He did not ghost after all!
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| Tue, 12-19-2006 - 8:11pm |
I thought the hot-instant-spark guy ghosted after not hearing from him for several days, and even when we were communicating he would text message me (Red Flag - he could be MARRIED!). We went on one date and had an incredible makeout session that lasted HOURS. He didn't get what he wanted, so he gave up. Or so I thought...
He just texted me tonight and wants to get together this weekend for drinks. Hmmmm. I still worry that I'm jumping the gun and accusing him of being a player without knowing all the facts. But based on my gut and the advice that you all have given me, I think I'm probably dead on in my assessment.
Still, I'm a dreamer and I'd like to think this guy is as perfect as he portrays. So, I could ue some thoughts on this: My logical side is thinking that him asking me out for drinks for the second date means he is hoping for a repeat of our first date, and betting on being able to convince me to give in completely.
Don't you think that if he asked me out for dinner or something (and did it over the PHONE instead of text messaging) that it would mean his intentions are to date me, as opposed to using me for a booty call?
And dang it, if I hadn't made that committment to not have sex before marriage I would SO be up for the booty call thing. I love the idea of no strings attached attention from a gorgeous, smooth-talking charmer (who also happens to be a great kisser, which leads me to think he's great at...erm...other things). And I don't want anything serious right now.
The religious freak I'm trying to ditch would say that satan has a hold on me. Maybe he's right...
I think I will go out with him one more time, just to give him a fair chance. But I will be smarter and I will NOT be drinking this time, or going to his house. Does anyone know how to find out if a guy is married or not?
Edited 12/19/2006 8:12 pm ET by writerchick007

Yes, I think he's hoping for a repeat, but NO, even if he asked you out for dinner, it wouldn't mean that he's not a player. Some players are just better at hiding their intentions!
Where did you get that texting may equal married, though? I'm not a fan of texting but I would never make that connection--just curious!
Sheri
I think it's a bit of a stretch to assume that because the guy is texting and not calling that he is either married or just looking for a hook-up. I do think it's a bit of a cop-out all this texting (I've got a texter on the scene at the moment), it makes you long for the days when there weren't cell phones and the guy *had* to pick up the phone and actually talk to you.
Coolas
I second that motion. Texting is so weak, come one.
I had a guy who had been emailing me ask for my number, so I gave it to him, and he texted me.
I did not pick up. I emailed him the next day and said that if he wants to talk, he can call, not text me. I think that's so gay. And too much effort on my part as well.
By the way, the texter never called back, but I don't care. If someone can't call, forget it.
Gal Blondie
I agree about the texting! I cannot stand texting and IM'ing! I use it if I have to with friends to say hi or get a quick message to them.. but to communicate with someone you are dating...well, that is just not right!
Gal Blondie
Like the others, I hate texting and I hate it even more when a guy asks me out with a text. Texting is even worse than being asked out by email.
If I were you, I'd still be extremely wary of this guy. I don't think texting = married (IMO, texting = laziness!) but I do think he's a player. He tried to get you into bed once and now he texts you after not contacting you for several days and asks you for a drink. I would guess that he's hoping for another hook up - a make out session at the minimum and he's probably hoping for more since he got that last time so he's looking to "upgrade". Give him another chance if you want, but if I were you, I wouldn't expect much to come of this.
BTW - does he know that you don't plan to sleep with him or anyone else until you marry again? Obviously that's not something that comes up easily in conversation (although I had a first meet once years ago with a guy who was a 27 year old virgin who didn't plan to have sex until marriage and he told me over dinner!) but since he seems to be a player, I think it's something you need to get out in the open because I bet he'll ghost quicker than a flash when he hears it! But if you want to have some fun, make out with a hot guy and have no expecations for it, go for it! But be careful.
Sheri,
Him texting me is not the only reason I think he's married. It's just a vibe I get. We talked on the phone once and it took hours to get a hold of him because we kept playing phone tag back and forth. Of course, I missed 3 of his calls because I was getting my hair done and doing other stuff, so that could have been the case with him. Hmmm...and I was in his house; however, while there was no sign of a woman living there, there was no sign of ANYONE living there. The house was in total renovation mode and it could be a house he is renovating to turn for a profit (he did tell me he is into that). But there is no tan line where a ring should be. And I looked up the deed for his house (it's a matter of public record - if you know someone's last name you can find their deed) and it lists him as a single man, but in the address line it shows Mr. and Mrs. ________. Of course that could just be a default thing that they put in that slot - I'm familiar enough with how deeds are drafted, via my job, that the default address line is totally conceivable, more conceivable than them messing up on his marital status. Sorry, I'm thinking as I'm typing....
And thanks to everyone for your comments and warnings. I am going to be careful. Last night I agreed to go out with him via texting, but I told him to call me tomorrow (which is tonight). If I get a text instead it's over. If he does call me I'm going to suggest dinner.
And I hate texting too! Why spend half an hour discussing something via text messaging that would only take 5 minutes over the phone!
Oh, and I am not going to tell him about my no-sex-before-marriage thing. I'm not thinking of this guy as a long term thing and I agree, he will ghost so fast once I tell him. This is just something that I have to struggle with. I know that sex is part of the deal with this guy and I have to decide whether or not I'm going to stick with my convictions. If I choose to stick with them, I will ditch this guy because the temptation will be too great. If I choose to give in I'll just ride this wave and see where it takes me. Tee hee...I'm so glad my ex and I broke up. He's a loser and I'm having so much fun!