he keeps on emailing,...but no action?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
he keeps on emailing,...but no action?
16
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 1:32am

okay, i found a guy online who is divorced with a child. as am I. he had on his profile that he wanted to date someone single, seperated, divorced. I contacted him by pointing out something funny in his profile. He read it wrote me back two days later after reading it, continued the joke and then pointed out his mother has the same profession i do. he asked no questions, no open ended anything but it was a bit lengthy. This is my first 3 days on online dating ever so i don't know how this works but i am assuming people don't waste their time writing long emails to be polite. do they?

Then I responded to his email. Asking him some questions, etc, he read it, responded the next day. a lengthy email. the only open ended question was asking how i was enjoying my online dating so far. meanwhile, checked his profile which suddenly said his ideal match is single. he removed divorced or separated.

Now here is my question...the guy waits a day to respond after reading my emails, he writes back long ones, specific to me and my career, etc, but asks no questions. He also hasn't asked to meet, etc. Is he communicating with me to be polite? is this how some people work? since he changed his preferences to single rather then single and divorced i feel like why even bother. even though he is divorced with a child. WWYD? what do you think?

Pages

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 09-29-2006 - 9:15pm

The next time you write to him, say something like "I do better getting to know someone in person rather than over email. Give me a call at and let's see if it makes sense to meet for a cup of coffee". I also like to give a couple good times to call.

I have no patience with the endless emailers, personally ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-09-2005
Fri, 10-06-2006 - 9:55pm

Hi
I know what you mean. I have had a few guys do something similar and they both contacted me. One guy emailed me a lot and we even played little fun innocent flirting back and forth. I finally gave him my cell #. He called twice and we talked about meeting sometime and then the emails kept coming but it was joking back and forth again. He let me know he wouldn't be online for a week or so b/c going out of town and said he'd call when he got back. He never called, never emailed so I just let it go. About 4 weeks later, I get an email...Hey , long time , no hear.. He has my number but hasn't called. Actually, I just got turned off by the whole thing and now I don't even have the desire to meet him anyway.

Another guy emailed me and we emailed about 4 times. He mentioned talking on the phone soon and scheduling a meeting over coffee. I emailed him back and have not heard anything. That was 3 weeks ago.
I'm really not sure what I think about this old thing. I just wouldn't make too much of it and just try to have fun with it.
Good luck,
Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-14-2006
Tue, 10-17-2006 - 11:06pm
Personally -- I ignore all of them for a while.. It is amazing. The interested ones usually wink a second time. It cracks me up. Then I email them. I never email them back right away. Believe me I want to email them soooooooo bad. Let them suggest coffee. I do not like needy men. Do not email or call me 100 times a day. I do sales I am on the phone during the day. I do not like to be bothered during the day. I asked one guy to call me after 6pm .. he called right when he got the email and kept calling. I finally had to put the client on hold. I knew I would NEVER MEET HIM. -- HE didn't bother to follow my request. -- Would he listen to my needs latter on in the relationship. -- probably not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-18-2006
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 9:49am

I just read your posting and thought I may be able to offer a suggestion. I am a single parent and I've been in the online dating community off and on for a few years now. It's hard to get a dynamic going through emails. You may want to suggest setting a "date" to chat using a messenger like AIM or Yahoo!. You can talk real time and see if there's anything there to persue. Some men aren't as bold as we'd like them to be. There's nothing wrong with casually mentioning that, for example, you'd like to see the new horror flick out and would he like to go with?

As for his changing the profile from "single, separated, divorced" to simply "single" could be for any number of reasons. It could be that he was getting too many email responses from desparate housewives looking for a way out. Ok, maybe not that bad but you get the idea?

Taking time to write lengthy emails to you shows interest. Especially for a man! If you think about it, do men really ever want to "talk"? This one seems to be trying to communicate with you. Be patient and good luck!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-27-2004
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 10:09am
What I did with that last guy that I thought I would have a connection with when I wanted to talk to him over the phone instead of just emailing back and forth is telling him to give me a call at the end of the email because i would like to get to know more about him over the phone and then I gave him my number. This way it put the ball in his court and if he ended up disappearing then I knew he just wanted to be pen pals. I think he was just kind of nervous about calling but he called anyway and he does want to meet up. I had to push it though because sometimes guys get nervous and shy and when they feel a connection over email they don't want to get disappointed too quickly if meeting up or talking on the phone doesn't go well.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-05-2006
Wed, 10-18-2006 - 7:27pm
I would just ask him---hey, I noticed that you changed your profile, does that mean you are hesitant about dating someone with kids? What have you got to lose?

Pages