Is he a player?
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| Wed, 08-17-2005 - 10:50pm |
Not that you'd want to, but if you had made a collection of all my posts during the past 8 or 10 months, you'd see why I have to ask this. Background: When I started OLD ten months ago, one of the first men to write me took my breath away. He was kind of cute in his photo, and his profile statement was witty as all get-out. I had thought of emailing him, but he wrote to me first. His messages were just a little bit flirty, and full of interesting anecdotes about his travels. Finally we met for lunch, as we work near each other. He is a rather quiet, mild-mannered fellow, but still talkative, and he was not flirty in person. He said, "Let's do this again." (I guess he needs a name, so I'll call him DG--dream guy.)
However, it was a few weeks before DG could manage to meet me for lunch again. I made a picnic (this was a workday lunch). Overdoing it, but that was before I read the book Why Men Love Bitches, which warns us not to go overboard trying to impress a man with our domestic skills, etc. He gave me a hug goodbye (well, he could hardly kiss me at a busy intersection, could he?).
After that, his emails tapered off...shorter...shorter...just a few words and not often. After spending my Xmas alone and lonely, I gave up on DG...for the time being. I still carried a torch for him. He had so many qualities I want in a man: he likes to travel, to read, and as I said, he is very witty.
After 3 months, I emailed him again. He answered and seemed interested in my doings. A couple of weeks later, I was in a drugstore and he walked up behind me and literally bumped into me--on purpose! It was a rainy day and I didn't look my best. I was so surprised that I forgot to flirt or to try to get him to arrange our next meeting (I have since read that I ought to have done that). We were both on coffee breaks from work and just stood there and chatted for about 15 minutes, much as I might have chatted with any acquaintance, and then returned to our offices.
After that, I tried sending him perky, amusing emails, but sometimes he responded and mostly he didn't. Again, I felt rejected.
This week, I found that he was still on Match. I clicked on the box that says, "Show me more profiles like this one." The reply from Match was, "Sorry, there are no other profiles like DG's. DG is one in a million."
(Have you ever clicked on that box?)
Well, I used that as an excuse to email him and suggest that, since bumping into each other in drugstores did not seem a very reliable way of meeting (it had been four months!), maybe we should have lunch again. (He commutes in a van pool from a long way out, so *I* couldn't very well suggest meeting for coffee in the evening...although HE could certainly have suggested it.)
The next day, Tuesday, I had a reply from him--two sentences. He stated that he had wanted to kiss me on the neck right there in the drugstore, and that lunch sounded fine.
Whoopee! I emailed him back, suggesting a day later this week. However, I have not heard from him yet.
What do you think about this fellow? We both work in government offices (I looked him up; but he doesn't yet know exactly where I work, and he doesn't even know my legal name, as I used a nickname with him). BTW, DG is divorced and I have never married. I really find him interesting, and if he doesn't want me as a girlfriend, I'd like to be his pal. You see, I do have a boyfriend now (met through OLD) but he is probably not the man I want to spend the rest of my life with. Having a bf makes me a bit more relaxed and less desperate-feeling regarding DG.
Honestly, I have a hard time finding men who are tall, attractive, witty, who like to travel and like to read books....so if DG isn't Mr. Right, he comes closer than anyone else. On the other hand, what strange push-pull behavior!

Marigold, sorry to state this but I don't think he is interested :(
He sounds like a nice guy you met online. However, you seem to be the only one putting effort into getting together. Sorry to have to say that. The ball is in his court - you mentioned getting together for lunch and he should now invite you out.
I've been where you are over a guy (a couple of times!) so I know how you can spare yourself dissappointment: move on and connect with someone else, who returns your interest.
Your situation with your bf interests me (I'm serious). Does he know he's not the one?
amjay
Honestly, it sounds like he likes to flirt a bit with you but isn't interested. Not sure why. He may have a more steady girlfriend. That is just my best guess at it. I hope things work out for you somehow.
Sara
Marigold...
He is just not that into you!
CL-Truewild1969
For further information regarding OLD including FAQ please visit our OLD Website at;
Yes, actually, my "bf" and I joke about both being online and "looking" still. He knows I want to find someone to spend the rest of my life with and I think he does not think in those terms. Our goals are different. Travel and books are my life and they are not his. He knows this. I want to live in another country. He doesn't want to move an inch!
Marigold
Jodie said:--
"Honestly....EVERY WOMAN deserves a guy that is going to jump through hoops for her!"
Gee, I think so, too, but in all my life no man ever has....or else he was jumpin' when I wasn't lookin'! LOL
Ladies, you are all right, I am sure. However, when I have lunch with DG next week, I'll find out if we can at least be friends. I am in a much more secure position than I was last fall. Then I had just started dating. Now I have had a few dates and have a sort-of boyfriend. As I said, DG is a witty, well-read traveler...someone I'd like to see more of, even if he was female or gay! :)
marigold, I am glad that you and your bf understand each other.
As for DG, please please guard your heart! I hear you liking him more than he likes you!
Good luck!
amjay
Edited for typos! Grrrrr!
Edited 8/19/2005 11:02 pm ET ET by amjay45