is he real or am i scared?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
is he real or am i scared?
21
Sat, 12-23-2006 - 4:11pm

Ok well i'm invovled with a guy whom i known for a year, (over the net).
we've fell in love with each other's intellect. he first told me he's in love and that he dont care how i look. i really like this guy alot. he seems cool and we share the same information with each other. well i kinda gotten scared of the whole internet thingy. he's told me he would never hurt me pyshcally or emotionally.

i've told him (before i was scared) that i would like to meet him. hes now taking up two jobs just to see me. we're the same age. i told him that i was too scared to meet him and that i want to take a break. well he's gotten really depressed over this and sent me an e-mail with a poem he wrote attached to it. the poem seems all sad.

my question is, do you think im scared cause of this guy or do you think he's really into me?

P.S. he's asked for my phone number three times while were dating and even mentioned wanting to grow old with me and have children? is he real?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Sun, 12-24-2006 - 10:25am

You haven't even seen him yet? It's not a relationship then.

Take baby steps and start by giving him your phone number. You gotta take this out on dry land. Who knows, you may be pleasantly surprised, and yes, I do think he likes you!

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 11:12am

Did you say you haven't met him yet? And you've been talking to him for a year?

Okay, if that's the case - you cannot be "in love" with someone you've never even met. You THINK you're "in love," but you're in love with what he's TOLD you. You're "in love" with the idea of being in love. You're not in love WITH HIM.

Anyone can be anyone over the computer screen. Pictures and poems be damned - you don't KNOW this guy. Like GB said, take baby steps, go ahead and meet him and just see where it goes. There are no guarantees in life. It may work out and it may not. So just see what happens.




Edited 12/25/2006 11:15 am ET by emdeesea
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2006
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 9:06pm

Hi There,

I say be very, very cautious. You did not say how you met this guy on-line, but I gather he lives far away from you, which is why he had to take up two jobs. I gather from your name that you are 18 yrs old now. So, you met him "on-line" when you were 17 and he said he was 17. And, he said he would never hurt you emotionally or physically!! How did that even come up? Why does he think it is normal to come to meet you when you guys haven't even spoken on the phone yet? Where is this guy gonna stay when he gets there?

I don't think any of this sounds like a good idea for you. There is obviously a reason for your fear and you should trust your instincts especially when it comes to stuff like this.

I am not saying there is anything wrong with internet dating, but generally speaking, people are meeting in PUBLIC PLACES after a few e-mails and a phone call or two.

And, if he truly is 18 yrs old, then I can guarantee you that he does not know who he wants to spend the rest of his life with . . . there are men out there in their late 40s and later who still don't know what they want. I am not saying it's impossible, but it is just too much to say to someone who you've never met or even talked to. Maybe I worry too much, maybe he really is young and this is how guys his age talk, but from what you wrote, it doesn't sound like it to me.

Sorry my response is so scattered, but you said he said looks don't matter . . . have you exchanged photos?? Even if you did, though, people do exchange fake pictures when they want to get you to believe something.

AND, when you told him you wanted a break, he completely disrespected that and seems to be guilting you into continuing your communications. It is important for you to recognize that you owe him nothing. If he is sad about it, then it is not up to you to fix that for him. He needs to learn to deal with it himself, and there's no time like the present.

I am sorry to be such a downer and to seem like such a worrier. I am not against on-line dating at all. I am against this guy though. You have to trust your instincts. What do you really know about this guy other than what he has told you through e-mail? Please, please be cautious. If you do meet this guy, it must be in a public place.

Best Wishes,
Linda

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Mon, 12-25-2006 - 10:51pm

i agree with what your saying. Yes, internet dating has their ups and downs. ive came so close with guys who are who they say they are. guys in their teens....im 19 years old though lol.
the only difference wit this guy is that he has Bipolar disorder. manic depressive, i worry about that part. im not shallow at all. i would date a guy how had multiple personality disorder.he's asked me before to talk on the phone when he fell in love....so its really me not me if you think about it.
we've disccused about where he would live and we've so far said a hotel or motel until we know where we want to go. he also claims to not be that close to his family, so when he leaves it doesnt matter if he's not there (again this could be his bipolar talking).

i really do like him and he obviously likes me alot. i dont know about the "giving me guilt" eventhough those words stuck out to me powerfully. i do understand that baby steps does go far. he's opening up to me greatly. telling me its okay for me to tell my parents about him and how they will like him alot. we've already discussed how we'll meet in the airport (that public).....i do understand why im scared just like the reast of you all there are some crazies out there, but i dont think he's one.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 8:33am
Well, you have to take baby steps. Try having a phone conversatin before you plan on moving in with him. Seriously, what you are saying kind of scares me, the fact that you are ready to take off with him without ever having spoken to him on the phone, had a date, etc.

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 1:40pm

You need to first talk to the guy on the phone and if that goes well meet in a public place but do not place this fantasy that he's your next boyfriend and you're in love. Love is time spent and the actions backing up the words but hanging out and spending quality time dating him, there are no short cuts to that.

Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-10-2005
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 2:07pm
thats the only thing that im really worried about. tell me more about bipolar.....
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 2:18pm

Just more on the bipolar disorder bit...it can be a difficult condition

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-29-2003
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 2:18pm
Avatar Image"The Small Peanu
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Tue, 12-26-2006 - 2:55pm

I just had to write to you as my younger

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