He wants to meet but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
He wants to meet but...
13
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 11:33pm

Hey, I need some quick advice from you more experience OL-Daters.

This guy contacted me early this past week. We've exchanged a couple of nice detailed e-mails, and he phoned today. We talked a good while and I actually liked him better on the phone than on e-mail. He asked about our meeting and I said "sure," thinking he had in mind lunch or coffee or something quick.

Turns out he had in mind a long date on Friday afternoon-turning-into-evening. There is a Festival in our area and he suggested we meet at around 3, walk around the festival, etc. then have dinner. This'll take us to at least six or so. It'll be great if we hit it off, but what if we don't?

I would like to meet with the guy briefly for coffee or something during the week so we can both decide if we really want to spend 5 hours together on Friday.

My question is how to suggest it? I tried to propose coffee on Friday, but he really seemed to like the idea of the festival and also he seemed to want enough time to get acquainted. I don't want to turn him off. Should I just go ahead with the festival and figure that if it's too bad I can always get a horrible headache?

Elsa

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 11:00pm

I wouldn't do it if I were you. I'd let him know that you have a busy schedule on Friday and you can spare an hour or so for lunch or coffee but that's it.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Mon, 06-19-2006 - 11:25pm

Yeah, but the problem is that I wasn't quick on my feet and when he suggested the festival, I didn't say "no, I can't." I don't want it to sound like something better came up for later that evening.

I need to come up with some excuse.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 12:05am

Well, I don't know about you but I often find that how busy my days are going to be often changes as the week goes on and the day gets closer ;-). So it would be perfectly reasonable, I think, for someone to say something like, "Friday's really looking tough for me now. Can we do coffee during the day on Saturday instead?"

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 1:24am

A great idea, except the festival is on Saturday also.

My real problem is I want to go to the festival. I was going to try to get some girlfriends together to go, as a matter of fact. So I wish I could just meet him ahead of time and then if we don't hit it off, I can go to the festival with friends.

I'm thinking I'll go ahead and meet him, but I'll warn him I may only be able to stay a couple of hours because something may come up from work than I need to deal with. I'll have a friend call me about one hour into the date. If all is well, I'll just tell her that I'll talk to her later. If he is boring and/or seems uncomfortable with me (he may take one look at me and decide I'm too fat, for ex.) then I'll pretend it's an important call, that I've got a job emergency to deal with. (They do happen, but they are very rare, and someone else could take care of it. But my date won't know that.)

This still leaves the problem of getting there. The drive to the festival is 1/2 hour each way, so it really makes more sense to drive together--except I don't want to be dependent on him for transportation.

Any tactful way to say that I want to take my own car?

Elsa

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 2:12am

If you've never met him, there's no need to be "tactful" about something that affects your personal safety! Driving with him shouldn't even be on the table. Just tell him you'll meet him there...it shouldn't even be up for discussion.

And if you want to go with friends, why not just tell him that you can meet him for an hour and then you are meeting up with friends?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 8:21am

RE: "And if you want to go with friends, why not just tell him that you can meet him for an hour and then you are meeting up with friends?"

I haven't set up anything with friends. I was going to look into putting a group together, then this guy suggested that we meet at the festival. It might be tricky to get a group of friends to go at precisely the right time on Friday so that it dovetails with my date. Especially since only a couple of my friends know that I am OLDing. (How can I explain the timing?)

Now that I've had time to consider it, I think if I can come up with an excuse to leave early if I need to, going to the festival with this guy might not be a bad idea. We'll be able to sit down and talk somewhere if we want, but if we don't have much to say to each other, we can watch a performance, shop the little booths, etc. And it's a very public place.

Years ago, when I was much younger and far less safety conscious, I hooked up with a guy I'd never met before while some friends and I were spending a week at a beach resort. He and I were both interested in some historical stuff and had no one else to go with. I spent the whole afternoon with him. We felt no real attraction and never saw each other afterwards, but it was a pleasant afternoon. Why should this be any different?

Wish me luck!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 11:51am

Just to clarify (because it doesn't seem like you understood my point): I don't see an issue with *meeting* him at the festival (although I personally would not choose that as a first meet because of the time factor)...but I do see a big safety issue with DRIVING to the festival with a total stranger and not having your own transportation.

And just because you've taken risks and lucked out before and nothing happened to you, doesn't mean that you will always luck out. Is that what you're trying to say? Sorry, I'm not sure I understood the point you're trying to make with the previous experience.

As for the friends thing, that was just a suggestion since you seemed to want to do both. But if you don't want to meet up with your friends, don't ;-)!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 3:15pm

This may sound completely crazy, but...how about telling him the truth?

Example: "John, I know I agreed to go to the festival with you on Friday, but to be perfectly honest, I think our first meeting should be something a little quicker."

or: "John, are you free on Wednesday or Thursday for coffee after work? That way we can meet for a little while first and then decide on our plans for Friday."

Good luck

~A~

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 3:38pm

Dang squeak!

heather 5-18-10
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 4:26pm

That's basically what I was getting at as well...speak up for what you prefer, rather than going along with his choices/suggestions. Whether you say exactly *why* is a personal choice, but I do agree with expressing your preferences and that's what I was trying to get across.

Sheri

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