He wants to meet but...

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
He wants to meet but...
13
Sat, 06-17-2006 - 11:33pm

Hey, I need some quick advice from you more experience OL-Daters.

This guy contacted me early this past week. We've exchanged a couple of nice detailed e-mails, and he phoned today. We talked a good while and I actually liked him better on the phone than on e-mail. He asked about our meeting and I said "sure," thinking he had in mind lunch or coffee or something quick.

Turns out he had in mind a long date on Friday afternoon-turning-into-evening. There is a Festival in our area and he suggested we meet at around 3, walk around the festival, etc. then have dinner. This'll take us to at least six or so. It'll be great if we hit it off, but what if we don't?

I would like to meet with the guy briefly for coffee or something during the week so we can both decide if we really want to spend 5 hours together on Friday.

My question is how to suggest it? I tried to propose coffee on Friday, but he really seemed to like the idea of the festival and also he seemed to want enough time to get acquainted. I don't want to turn him off. Should I just go ahead with the festival and figure that if it's too bad I can always get a horrible headache?

Elsa

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:14pm

Sheri,

Sorry I wasn't clear in my message. I understood you! And I am planning to drive my own car. (All else aside, how else can I get away from him quickly if he's a real bore?) I do worry that he will be offended, but I will apologize for being "silly" and do it anyway.

My comment about spending the day with a relative stranger when I was younger was not about safety. (I did a lot of unsafe things when I was in my twenties, but I know better now!) My point was about maybe not hitting it off. Even if you don't really hit it off with someone, you can have a good enough time so long as what you are doing is interesting in itself. For just one date.

I am being careful. I don't even tell a guy my name and place of employment until I have that information about him and he seems on the up and up. (With my first name and place of employment you can easily find my last name and with my last name you can get my credit rating, how much I pay in taxes for my house, etc. --not to mention my address.)

This particular guy works for a reputable firm in town and has a web page that identifies him as being involved in a couple of things that the spouse of one of my co-workers is involved in. So I have mentioned to him that we have this mutual acquaintance. This sort of thing reduces the chances of something weird happening, because he would know that he'd get caught.

I'm also going to ask my friend to call me midway through the "date." If something is wrong, I will give her some kind of clue. (But I am not worried.) And if I'm just bored, I can use her call as an excuse to get away.

As for doing this with friends, I mainly just wanted to go to the festival, but didn't want to go alone, which is why I was thinking of putting a group together to go. Hopefully, going with this guy will be as good, or better.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:18pm

Yeah, I thought of that. But I can't meet on Thursday, and Wednesday is tomorrow. Plus I felt silly/embarrassed. I should have thought of it when he asked.

Right now I'm feeling okay about meeting him at the festival on Friday and giving myself an "out" if I don't have a good time. But next time I will take your advice and change the plans as soon as I begin to have doubts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2006
Tue, 06-20-2006 - 6:32pm

Yeah, I should probably have spoken up sooner. But it was one of those things. I agreed to meet on Friday at 3 and the next thing I know he is talking about this festival (that I wanted to go to anyway) and I didn't think to say "No, let's do something else first."

I will definitely drive myself. I just hope it isn't a source of tension.

And I'll definitely have an exit plan.

Thanks!

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