he was looking for a lay right???

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
he was looking for a lay right???
10
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 10:45pm
can that even be my subject. tell me if i was wrong...so i am online and a guy sends me an email that hes interested and can send pictures. very high level professional, etc. I say yes. he sends pictures and he's cute. so i email him back. He sees I am online and he IM's me. i tell him i am new at online dating and I have never IM'd so to bear with me. he asks how its going for me so far (OLD) and i tell him its been okay. he asks me if i had any "hot and sexy dates". i told him a funny story about a date and again he goes "so not the hot and sexy kind"? i said no. he says "you are due for one :P" at that point i thought it was weird but i kept going...then he asked why i didn't have chemistry with one of the guys, i said i was taller then him and it wasn't for me. he said "so no nookie for the short guy"...i got annoyed because he clearly seemed like he was only interested in sex. am i nuts? i told him craigslist would probably be better for him and i had to go. he said i took him the wrong way. did i?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Tue, 10-03-2006 - 11:09pm

No, I think you were right in your assumption - his comments were inappropriate!

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-18-2003
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 12:03am
noooooo, so sorry, don't take it like that. i have used craigslist for 100 other things, i hired employees, a nanny, found an apt! I love craigslist, just meant they have a "casual encounters" area thats strictly for sex hookups. but sorry if i offended you. i love craigslist!
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-03-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 1:44am
It could very well just be his sense of humor. I can have a very open and honest sense of humor about sex but am looking for more than just sex. A good friend of mine's boyfriend is the same way, to the point where he will have my friend ask me how my sex life is over the phone. It very well could be just his sense of humor and to me it sounds much more like a sense of humor than a guy looking for a hook up. That being said I would make it very clear that I was not looking for a one night stand or a hook up, and if he looses interest then you know.
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-14-2006
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 6:21am

You understood his message loud and clear! And when he stated that "you took him wrong", he is playing headgames with you.

Scratch him off the list.

Callie

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 7:52am
I'm new to the OLD thing too and have had a similar experience. In my opinion it was about sex. I wrote the guy off...
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 1:01pm

It's never a bad idea to trust your gut response.

It's possible he has a raunchier way of delivery/sense of humor, still, I think some of those comments would have colored my perception of him too.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-20-2001
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 4:31pm

Instant messages like the one you describe is one more reason I'm no longer doing OLD. I have had a few I chatted with who made very simliar type statements or questioned me like I was a prude or something. Some of those same ones also "claimed" they wanted long-term relationships. Yeah, right. Anyway, I think they are just playing around regardless.

Biker guy from Iowa, whom I dated for about 3 weeks a year ago, ALSO was mainly looking just for sex. But, that was only really apparent after we started dating. Looking back, he did not want to get to know me as a person. When I made the statement to him about not wanting to go out with anyone else, he quickly backpeddled and then bailed on me. That made it clear that he just wanted more of a physical relationship than an emotional one. He never got sex from me, but I now wonder what I saw in him at all. A selfish man who wanted someone who looked good on a bike. I pity the poor woman who does get stuck with him. Amazing how many men end up being phony, game players or just out for a quick roll in the hay. Most women want and deserve better. When I was still doing OLD, I quickly learned to pass on those who brought up sexual issues early in conversations. That is an indicator to me that they are not serious about finding someone long-term.




Edited 10/4/2006 5:32 pm ET by mitsy2
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2004
Wed, 10-04-2006 - 5:12pm

Google sexual addiction. The people who have it (if it exists, some psychologists say no) are looking for quick and easy sex. Any sex. Even sex that isn't physical, but cybersex (some prefer cybering, it's fantasy island). Like alcoholics, it's whatever they can get. Do you think wino's really prefer Boone's Farm over a nice cabernet? No, it's whatever they can get. This guy might get his rocks off by chatting up a few women here and there. Meanwhile Mrs. professional guy is asleeep in the next room.

I've learned if someone makes me feel bad in life, an email or an IM exchange (I don't IM anymore, it's too shallow) than I want nothing more to do with them, and that's my right.

You did good!! Go with your gut and don't question if you lost a chance to spend time with a creep.

Chick

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 2:15am
Me too! Have rented my summer home, found roomates, found a nanny AND had a great few dates from CL as well!
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Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2006
Thu, 10-05-2006 - 10:45am
You didn't take him the wrong way. The way he was talking wasn't respectful. He clearly wasn't interested in a serious relationship with a good woman.