Is he worth another date??

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Is he worth another date??
29
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:28am
Hello all!!
Just an update on the OLD circuit. I’m requesting honest opinions from everyone out there about this guy because I got the impression that he may be a cheapskate or just plain rude!! Tell me what you think….
I “met” him approximately two weeks ago. He and I talk nearly every day, and after about a week of chatting, I began to be anxious to meet him. This past weekend, he called me and suggested that we meet for coffee. I was excited, and looking forward to meeting. Since the coffee shop wasn’t convenient for both of us, we met at a restaurant instead. Now, I wasn’t sure if we were dining or just meeting at the restaurant for a drink….and whether or not I should expect him to pay or if I should be prepared to pay for myself. When we got there, he said that he just wanted to have a drink….tea, to be exact. It felt weird to be seated at a table with menus and utensils and have a glass of tea. I’m sure the waitstaff got a kick out of that one! Here’s where the confusion comes in…the guy NEVER asked me if I wanted anything. I ordered a tea, but didn’t feel comfortable ordering food because I didn’t want to assume that he would pay for it. Of course, I could’ve paid for my own meal; however, he asked me out, so I think that he should’ve paid had I ordered. I’ve NEVER been out on a date where the guy didn’t ask me what I’d like to order. In addition to that, he order food and beverage, and I’m sitting there drinking my tea while he's eating. In our conversation, he did say some other things that led me to believe that he’s a penny pincher. Although I was somewhat turned off by that, the conversation was really good, and we sat there and talked for over three hours. He says that he'd like to see me again. I wouldn’t mind going out with him again; however, I was turned off by him not asking me if I’d like anything. Should I say anything to him about it? Maybe I’m assuming too much. I guess I could’ve ordered if I wanted to. Also, he could be on a really tight budget, and avoids spending too much money. His financial situation doesn’t matter to me because I don’t date men for their money; however, it does kind of bug me that someone would ask me out and not make a gesture to take care of my meal….
What do you think??

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:35am

Well, he could be a cheapskate AND rude, you know ;-)...it's not mutually exclusive!

I don't think of the first meet as a date, per se...it's just a meet, so I don't get too excited about who pays or doesn't pay...but then I pretty much always meet for coffee. If the guy pays, great, but it's not a dealbreaker for me (although I do file the information away).

But I do think it was rude for him to not ask you if you wanted anything, when HE decided to eat!

Did he at least pay for your tea?

Only you can decide if it's a dealbreaker for you, but I definitely wouldn't say anything about it at this point...what good would that do?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:36am

It's not clear to me -

You said he suggested you meet for coffee, and picked a restaurant instead of a coffeehouse for convenience sake. Is that correct?

Then, he ordered tea, and you ordered tea. But he also ordered food, but you didn't? Is that correct?

When the waiter took your order, did he ask for drinks order first, then come back for a food order? Or did he do that all at once? Did you order first, or did your date order first?

I'm just going based on what you wrote, and what I THINK happened.

He asked out out for coffee...you agreed to that, not to go out for dinner.

If you had wanted something to eat, you should have ordered something to eat. If the waiter took your order first, and all you got was tea, when your date ordered food, you could have said "oh, since you're eating, in that case I'll join you and have XXX."

And for me, a first meet is always Dutch, whether it's just coffee or a meal. Other people have different rules, so YMMV.


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 11:59am

OK, I'm confused too.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:21pm
Hello all!!
Okay, I see how this seems strange..
Initially, we were just meeting to have a drink. No, I shouldn't call it a date because it wasn't...the guy even said that he wished that we had met sooner so that we could've had an official date by now and that the first meeting is just a "check out to make sure he/she is decent" kind of thing. When we got there, yes, I ordered tea; the guy ordered a salad and, yes, it felt strange for him to eat while I ate nothing. I guess it's just that I'm not used to not being asked if I'd like anything; however, those past dates weren't with guys I met online, so it's a bit different, I guess. This is the first online dating experience I've had. I guess my expectations were wrong, since this wasn't an official date. Oh yeah, he did at least pay for my tea!!
I don't want to cut him off b/c he seems like a decent guy; my friend said that while she thinks that it was a bit rude for him to not ask, she wouldn't assume that he's a rude person or that he's a cheapskate. She'd go out with him again b/c subsequent dates will tell me definitively whether or not this is just how he is.
Thank you all!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 12:25pm
Maybe he was nervous?
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Mon, 05-15-2006 - 2:17pm

OK, that makes a little more sense.

heather 5-18-10
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 10:39am
Hello all!
Just an up"date" for you. The guy who I wrote off as being a cheapskate has asked me out on a date, I think. He're how it happened; tell me if it sounds like an "official" date to you.
He called me and we made small talk for a few minutes. I asked him his weekend plans, just out of curiosity, and he said that he didn't have anything planned. He asked me what I was thinking about doing. I said, "I've been wanting to check out this Lebanese restaurant where the belly dancers from the studio where I take belly dance perform." He said, "Why don't we do that on Friday night." I accepted. Does that sound like a date to y'all? I made it a point to tell him that although there's no charge to get in the restaurant, the restaurant requires that each patron spend at least $10.00 on food. So, there will be no sipping on a glass of tea going on!!
What do y'all think?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 12:32pm

ROFLMAO! at telling him there was a minumum charge! too funny!


Yes, its an official date ... but, i worry that he will think YOU asked HIM out & may want you to pay.


I for one - Im sorry - at the beginning, i say the guy pays. I'm just traditional like that. If he doesnt have much money, there is always nice sandwich shops, etc. Once things are comfortable, I am more than willing to pick up the tab occassionally.


I guess I just like to be treated as if *I* am being taken "out".


Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 12:43pm
Yes, I was thinking the same thing, that he may think I was asking him out! However, I simply said that I'd like to check out the restaurant, kind of like a "sometime in the future" kind of thing, you know? I didn't mean that I wanted to go this weekend, although we were talking about this weekend's plans, and I brought that up. Going on Friday was his suggestion. I, too, like to feel as though I'm being asked out by a guy. Also, I've NEVER paid on a first date. I've treated past boyfriends to dates; however, that's different because we were in a relationship.
What would I say? "Are you treating me on Friday?" "You're paying, right?" "Are we going dutch?"
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-16-2006
Wed, 05-17-2006 - 2:58pm

When the date is over and the check comes, I would just see what he does.

heather 5-18-10

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