Height Issues

Avatar for bluebird1234
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Height Issues
46
Tue, 02-22-2005 - 11:47pm

Have any of you girls ever dated someone who was shorter/slighter than you were, and was it an issue for you? I met a guy I like in every way personality-wise, yet he is shorter/thinner than me. And I'm only 5'4", so he is pretty small for a guy. I don't know why I feel weird about it, since it seems so shallow to judge someone by their size. I've just never dated anyone smaller than me before. So I wondered if any of you all had, and how it went?

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 10:50am

I disagree. Everyone has their preferences with respect to attraction. I can try logically to argue with myself about someone's height or weight (in my case, I am not attracted to skinny men) but all the logic in the world can't overcome the fact that I am JUST NOT ATTRACTED to that person. It simply makes me uncomfortable to be with a man who is very thin and short.

Are you attracted to every single man you meet? Unless the answer is yes, I don't see how you can say that one person's preferences are shallow, while yours are not.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:07am

I'm 5'7" and I've dated taller and shorter, thinner and fatter. There's no difference. Guys are guys. And with all the women's lib and equality, I find it very funny that women are still looking for "protection." I don't get it. I realize it's personal preference, but it limits one's horizons based solely on something the guy can't do anything about.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:10am

Wow Sheri. I couldn't have said it better and in fact (again) I was going to post something very similar.

It is not shallow to know what you are attracted to and what you are not. I do not "automatically" disregard guys for their height. I went out with a guy for 3 years that was probably 5'6" or 5'7". But in GENERAL I am attracted to guys that are taller than I am and thus make me feel feminine. ITA that you have to feel comfortable with the person and if being with a short, skinny guy doesn't make you feel comfortable, there are plenty of women that don't have that problem and you shouldn't let someone else's ideas of what they feel is "shallow" or appropriate make you change your mind. I don't even fault guys for preferring thinner women anymore. We each have our own preferences - like the guys out here that like the little, bitty girls. It is a preference and no one should be forced to defend what they find attractive. It just is - like preferring blondes or brunettes or beefy to thin or educated to blue collar. None of these choices is wrong and no one should feel bad for what they like or don't. It doesn't mean that you won't find exceptions to the rule, but it gives you a gauge for what you'll be comfortable with.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:17am

Well, my life is way to busy to date just any guy. I prefer to date guys I'm actually attracted to, not just any guy who comes along.

It's nothing to do with "protection" for me. It's everything to do with attraction and my comfort zone.

<<>>

Well, I know a very sweet guy with Down's Syndrome. He can't do anything about that, but I wouldn't date him. I'm caucasion, and I have been asked out by guys of various races. I'm not attracted to black or asian men, (which they can't do anything about) and I don't date them.


iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:18am

I am really so much more interested in a guy's brain, his sense of humor, his personality, his likes and dislikes, etc., than a superficial thing like his height that he was born with and can't do anything about.

It's sad to read some posts, such as "He's really cute, nice, smart, likes me a lot, is a good person and I'm attracted to him, yadda, yadda, yadda - but he's too short."

Like I said, I realize it's a personal preference, but to entirely limit yourself to only folks that meet ALL of the grocery list items, ESPECIALLY something like height, is just self-defeating. But whatever. I'm not out to change anyone's mind, and if that's someone's preference then they should go with it BUT not complain when a guy throws THEM back because of something THEY can't change.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:29am
First of guys are NOT just guys. No, these guys cannot do anything about their height and if you read the posts, I think everyone is saying that they have their preferences and what they are attracted to but that doesn't mean that there are not exceptions. If I found a guy that was everything I was looking for but he was my height, I would not disregard him. But anyone that says that physical attraction does not play a part in whether or not you date someone is lying. Yes, in the long run, the things you mention are what keeps you interested in someone. But you have to be physically attracted to someone in order to want to be with them also.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 11:55am

So there's nothing about a man's appearance that causes you to NOT be attracted to him? Consider yourself lucky then...I'm pretty open, I think, and attracted to a wide variety of men, but there are certain things that I am just flat out NOT attracted to. Like the too skinny guy I've gone out with a couple times...he's a really nice guy, but I'm simply NOT attracted to him, try as I might to talk myself into it.

But I agree, if someone's attracted to a short man, then what's the problem? I haven't seen that very often though...usually it's an issue of NOT being attracted.

Everyone has their preferences. If a guy doesn't like redheads (I am one), I'm not going to complain because of that. We're just not right for each other.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:10pm

I think MDC is an idealist, but there's no reason to not take her at her word. If things other than physical factors are truly what she's into, that's good for her- at least she knows what she likes.

But MDC... people have preferences, and that's just how it is. Yours (brain, humor, etc) are no more and no less better than anyone else's (physical attributes, job, whatever). We've all got them, and there's not much use denying it.

I do think MDC has one good point, though; very often, it seems like we hear women complaining that men are hung up on weight as an issue, and it's not very fair. Yet here it seems the general consensus about men's HEIGHT is that women tend to like a guy who's taller than them.

Well, people can do a lot less about their height than they can do about their weight. It seems much more "fair" to me to be picky over something that someone can control/change than to be picky over something they can't.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:32pm

Uh, you lost me...who's MDC?

Preferences aren't "fair" or "logical", they just are. If a guy has a preference regarding weight, so be it. I might rail against society influencing that preference (and I'm sure it had something to do with my preferences regarding height and weight) and wish that more men would be more open about that, but that's not how it is, and I accept that.

Besides, while weight may fluctuate, basic body type does not. There is no way that too skinny guy, for instance, is somehow going to become a large framed, stocky man, even if he were to gain weight.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Wed, 02-23-2005 - 12:54pm
emdeesea=MDC.