help

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
help
16
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 5:33pm

Hi,
I've lurked here for quite awhile, and now I'm in sort of a dilemma.....

I went out last night with a very nice, and personable man. The conversation was great.
I'd say he was cute, but I didn't exactly want to jump his bones. I can see that he'd be the type that would become more attactive as I got to know him. I'm sure you all know what I'm talking about.....yes?

Well, he wants to know whether I was attracted to him or not---says he couldn't quite read me....He said that he was very attracted to me. He asked me to be candid.
How do you handle this?
I thought he was cute. He's kind of short and balding...but, his intelligence/personality made up for this to me. But, what if I never want to "jump his bones?' Would I be leading him on???

Really could use some advice.

TIA

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
In reply to: robyn123
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 5:42pm

I think it's unfair of him to ask you to be so candid after only one meeting. It's really putting you on the spot.

I'm honestly not sure what I'd say in response. I do think attraction can develop over time -- all my long-term relationships, the guy became more and more attractive to me as I got to know him better and fell in love.

Maybe tell him something like attraction is not purely physical for you, and it takes time to get to know someone before it becomes full-blown? Ugh, but after typing that, it sounds horrible.

You are attracted to his personality, and you think he's cute - so you could just say 'yes' and leave it at that. There's no reason to feel pressure to decide right now - and if you find yourself not attracted to him after a few more dates, then you'll know.

*Good question*. I have been in that same situation, and I'd love to know how to handle it better.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
In reply to: robyn123
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 5:54pm

Ahhh...I knew I could count on you!

Well...He had said that he found me to be cute and personable...then he went on about how he was very attracted to me.
I told him that I also found him to be cute and personable, and that I thought we had a lot in common.
How was that?
I really did find him to be very nice, same interests etc....

And you're right!
I think it was an unfair question.

I wonder if I'll hear back...

Thanks!

Robyn

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: robyn123
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 10:44pm
I think yo handles that great and is he's really interested, you'll hear from him. You didn't say anything that should have turned him off. Odd question to ask on his part though. If we asked it, we would sem insecure. I think he may be as well. Let us know how it goes.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
In reply to: robyn123
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:40pm

Thanks...

It is an odd thing to just come right out and ask.
It may be insecurity, because of the short and balding part...It could be because he's made great "friends" while dating, and he wants someone to lust after him. ;)
It could be because he's a professional who makes a very good income. Maybe he doesn't want someone who'd be in it for the money? I don't know. But, he did call and leave a sweet little message :)
This has really gotten me thinking because it is hard to find someone who has it all.
I can go out with someone drop dead hot, but if he's not on the intelligent side...forget it. Here's this guy who's articulate, sweet, good job, but not "hot."

I agree that I need to go out a few more times, and if it doesn't happen, it doesn't happen. I think that's fair, yes??

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2004
In reply to: robyn123
Fri, 12-30-2005 - 11:46pm
Absolutely! After a few dates, you'll know if the chemistry is there or not.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-02-2005
In reply to: robyn123
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 5:30am
I agree with what everyone has said. The man sounds a little insecure and impatient.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
In reply to: robyn123
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 1:20pm
....and now I've gotten emails from him saying that he thought for sure I was sexually attracted to him! LOL
WTF?
I told him that I'm pretty old school when it comes to this dating/sex/whatever stuff.
If I gave off those vibes, it was only because I was being myself and enjoying the conversation. For heaven's sake.
No matter who I've gone out with with this online dating stuff, it always seems to lead to this kind of conversation early....I've just friggin' had it!
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-30-2005
In reply to: robyn123
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 1:25pm

LOL

He quickly apologized for offending me...

I probably won't hear from him again..and, if that's how it was going to be, oh well.

I'm losin' hope in men my age and older.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
In reply to: robyn123
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 4:05pm
Wow. He jumped from merely presumptuous to downright rude in a single email. I think you're probably better if you don't hear from him again! WTF is right! He thought for sure you were sexually atttracted to him? Was he serious? IMO, anyone that brings up sex in any context early on is not for me.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: robyn123
Sat, 12-31-2005 - 6:01pm

I have to laugh...as soon as I saw that this guy told you that he is "very attracted to you", I was thinking to myself, he just wants to get laid (in my experience, men who use that particular phrase are just looking for sex).

And sure enough, his later email pretty much confirms that!

Sheri

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