Help - backed myself into a corner
Find a Conversation
| Tue, 05-02-2006 - 12:55pm |
As we all know I have been juggling some men situations that I have brought onto myself. My young friend who I indicated before has stopped talking to me. This has continued and it's killing me. Since we work together this is painful 4-5 times a day as we go about out business and pass each other and nothing. Actually we ran into each other one day last week and we asked how we were each doing you know that courtesy crap that goes on with your co-workers. He then proceeded to give me that strong eye contact thingee that he use to do and walked away. He hasn't looked me in the face for weeks. Who in the heck is he to dictate when and where he gets to play THAT game? Okay so by now you all have to know that I am in love with this young man. I won't lie to you or myself at the same time. It's bad and it will not allow me to fall in love with anyone else until I can resolve this with him. I have always prided myself on being able to keep friendship separate from romance with men especially ones that are young enough to be my son. I have had a few working relationships with young men that we were close and one I keep in contact with still. I know that I can never be with this man. He has so much in his life to look forward that I have already done and I would never him any of that. He fixed me up with the guy that we have been very slowly talking towards something real good. He has taught me that jumping into a relationship isn't always healthy and I really really like him with the potential of falling in love. This guy sits right next to my young friend and who knows what they talk about or what the big guy tells him. I know that the young guy cares about me more than he should that has never been in doubt. I have been told that he may be working to feel less for me and the only way he can do this since we work together is keep his distance. I have not called him nor discussed this with him after I made it clear I knew he was being crappy around me. He said it wasn't what I thought but I just let it go. I have to let it and him go. But how do I do that? I love him and I know he cares about me. Would I be throwing something so incredible away? There is only one other person in my life that I trust the way I trust my young man and that is my best friend and soulmate G. (my gay friend)
Anyway I am rambling and oh don't get me started on what I have stepped into in regards to the man I met online in February. How quickly we can really get ourselves in a pickle right?
Thanks for listening. I am hurt and want so much more than I can have.
F

Hey Fluffy -
The one thing that jumped out at me was this:
<<>>
I know you are trying to come at this from a giving/generous/loving way - but you don't get to decide for him what he wants in his future.
I dated a much younger guy a few years ago. One thing I was very upfront about was that I was hesitant about dating him and getting serious because I don't want any more kids, and he's so young, he's going to want that, blah bhah blah.
He got really annoyed and said, hey, do I get a say in this? I don't want any kids, ever.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, don't put up obstacles where none are needed.
One challenge in the May/December world is that the older person can have a really unappealing attitude of been there done that, or I know better than you just because I'm older and have already lived it.
It sounds to me like you really want to pursue the possibilities with the younger guy. I say - find out if he wants to pursue things with you.
Hugs!!!!
You are right I wish I could find out if we could have a relationship but I know him...he would say "I don't want to have kids" just to be with me. I know this. At what point would he be kidding himself about kids at this point? How would I know whether he would mean it or be so caught up in how he feels that he would do and say anything to be with me. I know him. I want so much for him and being a parent is one of them. I find giving him all of this unselfish on my part and I will not compromise what I believe to selfishly be with him. People kid themselves and justify all of the wrong things they do in this life I just don't want to make those mistakes. Or should I say continue to make those mistakes.
Its good common sense that at 26 years old he is just beginning all of the lovely things that happen between 26 and 46 years old. I don't know better or more than he does because I have lived longer and I don't act that way with him. He is my equal on so many levels we would be great together in so many other ways that age does not define. But there are more than kids that play into this. It's his family and friends and of course our co-workers. I don't want to be a complication for him. My family loves him so that isn't an issue but of course they only know him as my friend. Its way past the poi
nt where we could have torrid affair just for fun.
I just need to concentrate on my big guy and keep allowing my young friend to get further away from me. I talked to him last month on the phone and I know hes gone back to his girlfriend and he is struggling with whether that is the right decision or not. I don't know whether he wanted me to tell him to not be with her but what I said is not to settle for just anyone because I know he hates to be alone. (Most people do this or they marry because they think its time without really paying attention to the fact that they marry the wrong person and hello divorce rate is high because of this!!) What if he
settles for her and I am the person he should be with. How do I ask fate? I know we don't know what the future holds and I am driving myself nuts with all of this. I have made this decision and have focused on the big guy and I can't go back because it will hurt him. He doesn't deserve that. I really adore the big guy so it's not like I am settling at all. I have never settled and I don't intend to start now.
Thanks for the response. Just need to work through this but how many times do I have to tear up at work? Dang it...I am too old for all of this.
F
Ahhh, Fluffy - I feel for ya, I really do.
If you ever want to talk, email me through my profile.
The youngun I dated was 24 at the time, so we've probably walked some of the same path.