HELP: Exclusivity Talk confused now what

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2006
HELP: Exclusivity Talk confused now what
7
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 12:14pm

Ok so we had the "Exclusivity talk". We are both being tested for HIV/STDs and he basically said that he wants us to be monagamous, take it one day at a time but he doesn't want to call us boyfriend/girlfriend because he's been hurt before~I believe this is a LOAD of **** to be honest and that he is again testing me but I am beyond paranoid and have a HUGE GUARD on this heart of mine being that I don't/won't let would happen with my sweet angels father happen to me again~dating a guy for a million years, no committment and then we are pregnant and he runs as fast as he can to get away from me and his child.


So basically I am not into having sex, being monogamous, not dating anybody else~I asked him so we

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 12:55pm

He wants to be monogomous, but you're not allowed to call him your boyfriend?

There seem to have been several red flags with this guy already. I think it's best if you let yourself get quiet for a little while, listen to your heart, and move forward according to your best instinct. I ahve found that my instinct is usually right.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2003
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 1:01pm

Most men are thrilled to have a woman they can call their girlfriend, they usually brag to their buddies and tell everyone. Any guy that says he doesn't want to use the girlfriend-boyfriend monikers is up to something, he's keeping his options open.

The "I've been hurt before" comment is a load. We've all been hurt before, get over it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-19-2005
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 1:08pm

It sure sounds like he's feeling indecisive. About commitment? being hurt?

For myself, I take "I don't know" as a no. You might want to keep your options open until he's more firm in what it is that he wants. If something seems strange, there's usually good reason behind it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 3:24pm

What a crock of hooey. As chamey said, we've all been hurt, get over it. If he wanted to look toward the future with you to a committed, LTR leading toward marriage, he wouldn't have a problem calling you his girlfriend before bringing in sex. He wants a step above FWB but not a committed relationship.

As I said in the other post. Don't have your proposed conversation via email.

There has just been one red flag after another in the last few weeks with this guy. It's probably only going to get worse rather than better. This started so fast and has moved even faster. You've been out here with one bad thing to say after another. It's time to weigh those pros and cons in the relationship and listen to your gut. You are the only one that knows the whole situation, but it doesn't sound good to me!

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2005
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 4:40pm

>>For myself, I take "I don't know" as a no.<<

ITA. If I could take one phrase out of any relationship discussion, that would be it. I refuse to accept "I don't know" as an answer anymore.

And I agree with the other posters that we've all been hurt. What gives him the exclusive right to have a past and baggage? It's a lame excuse.

AJ, enjoying life with C.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-14-2005
Wed, 02-08-2006 - 8:43pm

True true! "I don't know" has always turned out to be, in my experience, a way for the guy to stall before doing the inevitable-- backing out of the relationship. I'm with you on this one, after my last very recent I-dunno-loser-boyfriend-experience. The next time a guy tells me that he doesn't know or isn't sure, I'll make it easy for us both and split instead of wasting time agonzing and poring over pointless details.

UGH. Men can be so frustrating sometimes!!!

Oh yeah- and that thing about "I've been hurt before"-- he needs to grow up. We've all had our hearts broken. Sounds like a really lame excuse and a crutch to not commit (or at least to give you a direct response).

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-09-2003
Thu, 02-09-2006 - 12:22am
I disagree with the posters. I think the guy may very well have been hurt and is not over it yet. In my experience guys carry baggage much longer than women do. If I were you I would keep my options open. Do not get exclusive with him and keep meeting others. If he gets over his baggage anytime soon take him back. Chances he won't or the psycho part in him might want you only when you get out of his reach. in this case, he is not a keeper anyway since you are not looking to play games. you are more looking to settle down. I think it is his loss if he does not deal with his insecurities before you are gone. We dont get many chances to meet someone we like online.