Help I like 2 guys
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| Sat, 12-10-2005 - 9:37am |
ok, I have 3 guys after me at the moment (wow it sounds so good, heehee just had to say that!) but here is the dilemma:
Guy 1 (the "stingy guy")- I'm going to dump him... yikes I hate to play the villain. Not a real problem here... I just have to do it!
Guy 2: went for drinks with him tonigh. I met him at speed dating earlier in the week. He told me that the moment he sat down he knew it was a Yes. He even noticed me before the speed dating began... I really like him and I feel mentally and physically attracted to him. We like the same things and have similar personality type. I wouldn't think twice going out with him seriously if it is not for Guy 3...
Guy 3: is my type, ticks, A+'s in every possible way. One thing is that we haven't met as he is still on a business trip overseas. He says he should be back next week but does not have a definite date because of the work but really wants to meet up with me once he's back. So we've been exchanging emails daily for almost a week now and I really feel the connection. He is my guy but I want to meet him first before anything. I have seen his pic. He already said that we match quite well just by looking at our profiles and I have to agree. It seems that we are on the same track.
So the dilemma is: I really like Guy 2 and he likes me but I like Guy 3 as well... and Guy 3 likes me but the problem is I haven't met him!!! What if I turn down Guy 2 and when I meet Guy 3 there is no attraction?! The other thing is, Guy 2 says he will call me and what should I do if he wants to see me again before I meet Guy 3???????? I would really want to see him because I like him... but what about Guy 3??????
What a mess. I really didn't think anything would come out of speed dating! I was really there for fun and to challenge myself... and I really didn't expect any interest from Guy 3.
This is bad!! What should I do??????
oh and I didn't mention to guy 2 (speed dating guy) that I had other matches from speed dating (but I don't think I will date the other guys, enough mess already) and didn't mention that I'm doing OLD too.

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Ditto for what travkitty said. Until you MEET guy #3, there is no reason to turn down guy #2 or anyone for that matter. Believe me, I know where you're coming from on having a hard time dating more than one guy even if you're not serious yet, but it really is what you have to do with OLD/speed dating. If you like them, give each a couple dates before you make up your mind. And as tk said, you might eventually decide after a few dates that neither one is really for you or one of THEM might change his mind so it's better to keep your options open until you all decide.
Good luck, have fun and don't worry about it so much until you get to the point where you feel you are ready to be exclusive with one of them.
I understand where you're coming from, being more of a one-man type of woman too. However, since you have no commitments to anyone, you should try to get out of the mindset of not being honest. So long as you have told everyone that you are casually dating other men, it's fine. Just make it clear to each man that you will not become serious with another man without telling him.
Personally, I would not be so quick to give up a guy I like (and that likes me too) for a guy I haven't met. It's hard to meet someone you can gel with, so why give it up? Go out with Guy #2 and enjoy it. When Guy #3 comes back to town, go out with him and see if what you have online translates to real life.
And stop feeling guilty! :o)
Good luck and let us know what happens with Guy #3.
**edited to add: Just re-read your post and wanted to say... Do not give either guy details of the other. Less is more. Simply let them all know you are dating others, end of story. Too much info can do you in!
Edited 12/10/2005 11:35 am ET by cl-bklynchik
Why would you tell him? If he ASKS if you're dating other people, you can say yes and leave it at that...but it's TACKY to give details!!!
You should assume that the other person is dating others as well, until you specifically discuss and agree to exclusivity.
Dating is the process by which you get to know someone, over time, to see if you're compatible enough to try being a couple. How could you possibly know that in one date?
Sheri
Hmmm didn't think of the one date bit Sheri. I was thinking of just a general mention of dating other people, but I think your point makes more sense.
Ok, strike what I said about the dating convo. LOL. The other pieces still stand!
maybe I should ask guy #2 if he's dating others and tell him it is ok until we decide to be exclusive? I think he would understand in a way because I assume most people would get more than one match from speed dating... I know his friend (who also went on the night) got 2.
And I don't think I should mention anything to guy #3 because if I meet him and the attraction is still mutal, I would go for him without 2nd thoughts.
Why even bring it up at this point? I would be put off if a guy did so so early in the dating process. I just had this happen recently, actually...he mentioned that he doesn't like to date more than one person at a time, and I'm thinking to myself, you think I'm going to be *exclusive* with you after just two dates??? What are you smoking??? Of course I was nicer about it than that ;-)...I just said that I have a different philosophy of dating and prefer to get to know someone for a couple months before committing to exclusivity.
And even if the meeting goes well with guy #3, why would you be exclusive so quickly? You would still barely know him at that point. Take your time, get to know him and THEN decide. Keeping your options open in the meantime will help you keep him in perspective. A "pair and a spare" is what one of my favorite books on dating calls it ;-).
Sheri
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