Help! I Can't Figure Him Out!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Help! I Can't Figure Him Out!
5
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 1:39pm

I really need some feedback. I started e-mailing this guy from an internet dating site. He e-mailed back and so we did that for about a week. Then he gave me his phone number and asked me if I had plans for the weekend. So, I called him, got his voicemail, and left a message telling him I didn't have plans and if he wanted to meet that was fine, but if he didn't want to meet that was fine, too. This was on a Friday & I didn't hear from him all weeekend by phone or e-mail. So, Monday the suspense was killing me, so I e-mailed him to touch base. He did call me that Tuesday and was very nice. But he was out of town for the next two weeks, so we still didn't meet in person. But every time after he got back in town, he called or e-mailed me. Then we finally did meet almost a month after talking on the phone and e-mailing and we had a great time and he seemed very interested in me. Keep in mind, though, this guy is 30 (I'm 31) and he said the longest relationship he has ever had is for 2 to 3 months.

So, after we met on a Friday I e-mailed him to let him know I had a great time but I never called him. I didn't hear a word from him all weekend, so I called him Monday night and left him a message. He called me back after working a 12 hour day and said he did want to hang out again. I didn't hear from him all week and then he calls me a week later on Sat. near midnight to just say "hi." At this point I told him I was surprised to hear from him and that I couldn't figure out where I stood with him. He seemed puzzled by this and we hung up after talking briefly.

I called him, left him a message saying sorry if I was harsh with him, but that I really did like him, but still I didn't understand what he really thought of me. I haven't heard back from him since leaving that message.

Sorry, to go on and on, but I've never dealt with a guy like this. He has a crazy work schedule and I understand that, but when the weekends come, he never calls me, yet he still acts like he's interested in me.

Has anyone dealt with a guy like this before? I'm wondering if he's so wrapped up in work, that he doesn't want a woman crowding his weekends and since he's never had a serious realtionship he doesn't realize when I don't hear anything at all from him, all I can assume is he's not interested in me.

I really like this guy, but I getting such mixed signals from him.

Thank you reading my LONG post! :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2005
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 2:41pm

I really hate to say this but this guy sounds like he's married with the sporatic communication. No weekends??? Makes me go HHHmmmm...........do you have a home phone or a cell phone number??? Can you contact him at any time regardless??

I would proceed cautiously with this one.

F

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Mon, 10-09-2006 - 8:01pm
Who knows, maybe he is married. I really don't think he is, but something is strange. He only has a cell phone or so he says. He has only picked up once when I've called him on his cell. Otherwise, I always get his voicemail, which leads me to believe he screens all his calls.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-10-2004
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 11:09am

I really think that you should back right off.. Usually if a guy is interested they have no problems at all (and most even enjoy) pursuing a woman. Be receptive and enthusiastic when he contacts you, but I really wouldn't call him or e-mail him. If he's interested, he'll be in touch. Also, it is waaay too early in the game to ask what he thinks of you, or where this is going; those kinds of questions tend to freak a guy out if they are asked too quickly; you probably need to have at least 6 or 7 dates before you even start to think about whether a relationship could develop. You should try and view your dates with him as enjoyable evenings and think of each one as the last one; then you don't get so hung up on if or when he is going to call. I know this is really difficult to do, but I would keep looking around and dating others for the time being and leave the ball in his court.

Good luck!

Coolas

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 2:09pm

Stop calling him or contacting him. Yes I've dealt w/guys like this and usually nothing ever becomes of it. There seems to be tons of guys who are not available all weekend and then want to chat during the week and disappear again Fri-Mon. I normally don't take these guys seriously and NEVER contact them; and eventually they do call you, and I usually don't know who they are. LOL Basically out of sight out of mind.

Keep your options open!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2006
Tue, 10-10-2006 - 5:54pm

Thanks everyone SO much for all the great advice! I have been divorced for only a year and have to stop thinking that all relationships are going to start the way mine did with my ex-husband. We talked on the phone every night while dating and spent every weekend together. I'm quickly learning not to expect too much too soon with casual dating.