Help me before I act!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Help me before I act!
25
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:03pm

FYI- this is a vent!

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:28pm
I don't think OLD is the avenue for you. As much agony as you go through, don't you think so too?
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:28pm

It can be a frustrating process, that's for sure!

I think there's at least a 50/50 chance that he thought you were no longer interested when you didn't respond to his email so that's why he didn't call (I would have written something like, "ok, I'll look forward to hearing from you on Sunday"). So, I would send a light email saying something like, "sorry to not get back to you sooner, I was looking forward to your call last night. Please give me a call if you're interested in talking further". Then leave it at that...the ball will be firmly in HIS court.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:39pm

No, take the high road. Seriously, silence is golden in this case.

 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:48pm
I'm sorry he didn't call. I'd probably feel just like you're feeling now. Been there, done that way too many times to count. Don't send a nasty-gram. I've thought about that and actually have written them but never sent one.
Maybe you should have written him back the other day, who knows. You could send a short polite "how are you?" email and see what happens. Don't completely write him off yet but do keep other options open.
I heard this saying the other day about anger. "When you're angry at someone, it's like you're trying to kill them, but you're drinking the poison." I thought that was quite profound. Don't let someone else make you feel bad.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:50pm

<>

What is the old saying? "Fool me one, shame on you, Fool me twice, shame on me". You've given him one pass. IMO that's enough. If you continue to give him the benefit of the doubt and contact him he's going to think it's ok to continue not following thru.

FWIW, I was married to a golfer for 25 years and believe me there's a lot of validity to the term "Golf Widow". I won't even date a guy who plays golf anymore. BTDT bought the clubs, shoes and clothes. Don't waste the pretty on this one Sparkle. His only follow thru is going to be on his golf swing.

Best of luck,
Libra

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 2:13pm

Okay - but which one of you is correct???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:21pm

I'm sorry that he never called. In my repsonse in your other thread I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

I will admit that I too have become upset with total strangers who 1) didn't call when they said they would 2) complained about women who ignore their emails, yet turned around and ghosted on me and 3) men who asked if they could see me again - and ghosted.

I know it's silly to take it personally. Obviously I haven't formed an emotional attachment to any of these men. So why get upset about it? For me, I think it's a build up of frustrations. First, frustration that in 3 years of OLD I barely manage to get to a second meet, let alone date someone for any significant period of time. Secondly, frustration over being rejected over and over again, which can really eat away at an otherwise healthy sense of self-esteem. (In case anyone is wondering, although I wasn't gaga over most of my first meets, I only ever declined another date with one guy who asked). Third - if I'm in a really dramatic mood - I can extrapolate my feelings over one jerk into frustration over humankind in general. (I can be very dramatic in my own head, lol).

I reached the brink of feeling totally disillusion with OLD and dating in general. One bad OLD encounter after another I was formulating nastygrams in my head on a regular basis (which I never ever wrote). That's when I knew it was time to stop trying to date. My head is definitely not in the right place now.

Vent here - or maybe take a break from OLD. But don't waste another minute on this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 4:58pm

Thanks for replying.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 5:02pm
Didn't you say you wanted to "do this some other time" with one guy? What's the difference with what golf guy is doing? I just think it's funny that it's not all that different of a scenario. The shoe's on the other foot is all.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 8:47pm

Hi Sparkle,

I just NEVER count on guys calling when they say that they will, because soooooo many men DO NOT call when they say that they will. I think it's just a line to end a meet or a conversation - kind of like a different type of good bye. Does it make it right, no not by any means, but they do it, so you just have to *not* count on them calling and then if they don't call, then - Next!!! I know it's hard, but if we are going to do OLD, we just can't take things so personally. I do know how you feel though...

Sunshine

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