Help me before I act!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Help me before I act!
25
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 1:03pm

FYI- this is a vent!

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Mon, 06-20-2005 - 9:40pm

After hearing from him once more (after I emailed him to ask what happened and told him I was looking forward to talking to him) he told me he was now in North Carolina until Thurs.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 10:24am

After I sent this email to him:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:01am

Just let it drop. Now he's saying that he'll be free for the rest of the summer. But come next Thursday I'm willing to bet that something else will come up. He also said he'd call on Sunday and he didn't do that did he?

One thing that I have learned from OLD is that if things seem complicated in the beginning, or if you have any doubts, uncertainties, feelings of confusion, etc. Pay attention! Those are all very clear signs that this is not a match. Any time you have to start justifying or making excuses take that as a warning bell to move on.

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:08am

Yes, I would let it drop. My theory that maybe he didn't call because he didn't hear back from you was blown out of the water by his email saying he was still traveling, and that's the only excuse I would have found acceptable, so I say NEXT! him!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 11:09am

Hi JH-


That makes sense.

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 1:16pm

My theory with online dating is that it allows a lot of otherwise romanticaly lazy/unmotivated people (especially guys) to "date" without having to put forth much effort and I think it gives a lot of people a false sense of, um, how do I put this delicately, desirability? By that I mean that a lot of guys get this false sense of being so wonderful (big ego) as to juggle multiple women and be overly picky that they probably would not be able to in real life if they were meeting women in another setting. They are getting the "attention" simply from emails and phone calls. I have met for the most part pretty decent guys in OLD but there have been others that seem to have this sudden sense of being ultra-desirable or having the constant idea that the grass is always greener because there is usually another woman just a click away for them to focus on if there is *anything at all whatsoever* about the first woman they don't like.

Most of the time I don't think these particular men are very successful in the old fashioned world of dating so they try OLD and then have an abundance of women to "choose" from, meanwhile never putting forth much effort because there are so many fish in the proverbial sea for them that they just keep moving right along. I think that is the biggest problem in OLD, most people in "real life" dating are not juggling 4-5 people at one time, I think it is just too much work/confusion and it lacks the motivation and the effort needed to get to know someone individually when it seems that the supply of women is endless.

Again I am definitely not referring to all guys on OLD obviously, but I have found this to be pretty common, this is just an observation I've realized in my own experience, I think OLD fosters a dating environment of laziness for the most part.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2005
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 1:42pm

Hi Sparkle,

Yes, I think I would next the traveler also. I have just gotten to the point where I think I might add in my profile something worded nicely but saying: please don't reply if you have no time to give to a relationship. But I'm not sure quite how to word it! Maybe I should word it positively as in: Reply only if you have time to give to developing a possible relationship.

*********************************************************************************

Hi Katortott,

You are so right with your observations. I think many of these guys do think there are just so many women available to them through OLD that they are always looking for the better lady, so they don't put time into working on a relationship with one particular lady that seems good. They are on a constant search!

I was talking to a male friend last night that I've made through OLD and we share our dating questions and experiences with eachother, and he was telling me that the lady he has been seeing for about 4 months now is browsing on Match again as he sees her signed in. I asked him if they took down their profiles and he said that they hadn't gotten to that point yet. So we discussed this very same issue of people always looking for the better thing.

Well after talking awhile, he said he was realizing it wasn't what he wanted and I said it sounds mutual since she's looking again. So at that point it sounded like he was going to end the relationship. I wonder if he has yet.

But why stay in a relationship if you both know it isn't right, yet you're comfortable with it and with the other person. Not a good idea to waste time like that when you're looking for the right one to be a life partner! At least that's what I'm looking for!

Sunshine

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 2:33pm

It's one thing to date and actually get to know someone a little bit (in person) and then decide if they are right for you and another to go on an endless string of first dates and come to quick conclusions/dismissals because there are an abundance of other women in your email inbox. That was my main frustration with it. Of course there are times when you know from just one date that someone is definitely not for you but I definitely think that more often than not the guy is quick to move one because of how quickly another woman is "available" to him. I'm sure the guys deal with this to an extent as well but I think it's more common among men to do this.

The last guy I went out with was not that attractive in person (he was a lot cuter in pictures so he probably gets a decent amount of responses from women) although he had a fun personality, he asked me out again and I planned on going out with him just to see if we had some better chemistry the second time out. He never called and I checked a few times that next week and he was literally logged on constantly throughout the day to Match. I'm not sure what some of these guys are looking for when they sign up unless they just want their ego flattered by going out with a bunch of women in a short amount of time.

It's almost like seeing a hundred diamonds in a big pile at once, if you just saw one or two at once they would stand out so much more, when you look at one after another after another among hundreds they lose their individuality and luster, they become common and uninspiring.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 3:33pm
Great post!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Tue, 06-21-2005 - 3:35pm
Exactly!!!!
Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting