Help me make the perfect profile

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2009
Help me make the perfect profile
6
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 5:25pm

New to board...and am considering making a POF profile...


OK so here are my stats, tell me what I should or should not include and what kind of name to have...(the one I have here, has turned some people off...which I only use because its

 KRYSTYN 

Avatar for floridagirl52
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-16-2006
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 6:27pm

Definitely don't use MILF, OK? You're already going to get sexual comments as it is. Also, I would recommend posting a photo. As to a screen name, I'd recommend something that has to do with a hobby you like OR just use something really plain, like initials and your birth year.

Perhaps just say "divorced" not "recently."
Don't include your bra size.
No need to say you're busy, you might come across as having no time for a r'ship.
I'd probably not say I owned my own home (even though I do, I just don't say it).
I'm not sure what (evil like) refers to.
I would leave this out: ".not a runner, no cardio as I have asthma. Hate gyms- uninspiring meat markets. Would MUCH rather get my excersize outside.),"
Please leave out the entire paragraph of dislikes. It's just too strident. You really want to be positive in your profile.

There's a book I always recommend to women starting online dating called "Fine, I'll Go Online." It's a hip guide to all of this stuff and she gives really good tips for writing a profile.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-13-2007
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 8:58pm

Well, I am a guy. I will give

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2009
Wed, 07-08-2009 - 9:03pm

(Read my advice with a grain of salt, I got lucky on the first try and have been dating one of the guys I contacted for the last three months...)

I suspect you are giving us more info than you planned to post...

I second Floridagirl's suggestion of removing the negatives, for a couple of reasons. You want to sound upbeat and interesting, not someone who lists everything they dislike. Also, someone might be doing a search for "running" or "runner" to find people with similar interests, only to find yours says you are "not a runner." (This was how I picked which guys I was contacting, they had to mention hiking, camping or running in their profile!)

I would remove the "not a work-out queen." Just say that for fitness you enjoy the occasional hike, bike ride, etc. and that you enjoy getting your exercise outdoors.

You might try to rephrase some of your dislikes into the positives that you do like. So, even though it is cliched, you could say that you value open-mindedness rather than saying you dislike ethnocentrism and judgmentalism.

I do think that how your carry your weight is more important than your actual measurements... so if you do decide to provide a photograph, that would tell everything. I am looking back at my emails and I never provided any of my numerical details even as we were writing to decide if we wanted to meet.

I'm not sure about how you phrase the car stuff or if it is even relevant. If the gas mileage and finding a guy with similar economic/environmental concerns is important, rephrase it a bit to reflect that, otherwise, I think you are safe leaving it out. I obviously write too much, but in your profile you want to keep it short and sweet!

-Crystal

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 1:22am

Following are my quick stream-of-consciousness reactions, which may be discounted for any numbers of reasons, among them that my familiarity with POF is very limited. Maybe different rules of engagement prevail there. These, happily, agree with some other advice you've gotten. Less happily, they disagree with others, so you'll just have to figure those points are unsettled and murky and go from there.


I would not use "milf" anywhere in anything, unless you're looking for one night stands with college students or paying customers. On the other hand, if you are, it's probably a good idea.


On photos: post one. Many guys will not so much as look at a profile without one. I believe (some may disabuse me of my ill-founded belief if necessary) this is particularly true on free sites. Among other things, it might indicate, in declining order of concern: you're not really in earnest about the whole enterprise, you're unusually unattractive, you're a guy, you're engaged in an effort to gather e-mail addresses for spammers or to collect hits to a sleazy "dating" website.


More generally, I'm not sure I understand the purpose of trying to drive away guys who might be interested in you because you want them to be interested in you for other reasons. Here's a true fact: with very rare exceptions, men are only interested in women whom they find physically attractive. A shock, I know. If there's no photo, they don't know whether or not they're attracted to you, and they won't know whether they're interested. Most, I think, will assume they're not. What this will likely lead to is receiving a disproportionate share of e-mail messages from guys who send a canned message to every single new woman on the board. So, instead of encouraging responses from men who find your profile appealing, you'll receive messages from men who haven't read a word of it.


An option, if you don't want your photo posted publicly (which isn't an unreasonable desire, in my book) might be for you to take the lead by sending email messages, with photo, to the guys whose profiles appeal to you. This does somewhat change the usual order of things, though.


Just "Divorced," as already suggested.


Round the height down to 5'8" I think.


Don't list the bra size (subject to the same exception applicable to "milf").


Since it's just a rough draft, I won't harp on this, but: make sure you proofread it carefully before posting. Misspellings and grammatical errors send a message that's the opposite of what I think you're going for. They're no big deal in message board postings, but readers assume you've put at least a modicum of thought into your profile.


From there - and I doubt you want to hear this - it's a lot duller than you probably think it is. Guys who actually read profiles read the same thing over and over and over again. What you want to do is to focus on what makes you utterly different from the other women out there (at least in a positive sense), and express it. If possible, don't just say something, but demonstrate it. Just to use an example which may not be all that relevant, but has the benefit of being obvious: saying "I have a great sense of humor" means nothing; writing a profile that's actually funny says everything. Of course, that's easier said than done.


Specifics:


"R&D in ..." is good, because it's specific, and different. Plus, it sounds smart.


"sweet but with a mildly sarcastic sense of humor" is kind of on the fence. It's not bad (only about 40% of women say they have a sarcastic sense of humor), but it could be punchier.


"busy ... travel for work" (yawn).


In the Likes and Loves:
"travel" (huge yawn). 99.44% of all women's profiles say this. Only mention it if you've been somewhere that's really interesting. Like Antarctica.
"movies:" ehh. Lots of people like movies. That's why they insist on making them. The specific genres are a plus, but they're kind of typical feminine tastes. There's nothing wrong with having such a taste, it's just not very interesting.
"ethnic foods ... arts ... friends ... the outdoors ...:" yeah, yeah, I already know all that. It's in every other profile.
"corndogs:" finally, something interesting. More like this!
Drop the asthma reference. Not necessary at this point.
The "meat market" reference is too negative. You don't want to come off as angry.
All the rest: read it a hundred times already. "Randomness" is the only slight glimmer, but the problem is that everything else, to the contrary,

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-29-2006
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 12:53pm

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-13-2009
Thu, 07-09-2009 - 2:17pm

Wow! Awesome advice!


I did indeed put way more information on this page than, what I would intend in a final draft. I just wanted to kind of put 'it all' out there, so you could advise me what is good

 KRYSTYN