Help me! online dating challenged!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2009
Help me! online dating challenged!
4
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 6:50pm

I have been online dating for a few months now and I am so discouraged. I can't figure out what I'm doing wrong. I know I'm probably being impatient but it seems I just keep attracting one bad guy after another. How do you qualify someone as being "ok" as in not just out for sex! It seems like there are a lot of guys online that are looking fwb partners.

My first thought is because I'm listed as separated. Does that read emotionally unavailable? Not relationship worthy? Those are my questions? Does it make look like I'm on the prowl? That isn't my intention at all! I've been separated over a year. My marriage is over and tell guys that when they ask about my situation.... but then it seems we meet, and the evening ends and I either never hear from them or they give me a reason that it wouldn't work out.

I look exactly like my pics so it can't be that. I realize attraction isn't always there in person so that's understandable.

But like right now. I've connected with this really great guy and we talked on the phone once it went terrific. We made plans to meet this Saturday and we've been emailing like non stop! But I just went online an he's on there with IM me Now on. And he hasn't even looked at my profile. This made me feel horrible. Now I'm afraid to meet him. I feel like I'm just a number already!

Any advice is greatly appreciated and if I'm making a big deal out of nothing feel free to tell me the truth.

Thanks so much!

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 8:32pm
My first thought is because I'm listed as separated. Does that read emotionally unavailable? Not relationship worthy?


Um, yes to both of the above. I don't look twice at a man's profile if it says "separated" since that's just a politically correct online term for "married". I'm sure I'm not the only one.


Other than that, don't put much stock in what a guy does until you've actually met him. A good phone call means nothing, unfortunately.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2001
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 9:13pm

I'd suggest you take a look at a bunch of the posts here--go back, back, waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay back and grab anything that catches your eye on beginning to date, taking profiles down, whatever. It'll give you a real idea, in fact, your eyes may bug straight outta your head when you realize that online dating is a numbers game and a game for those who've got real endurance. I'm not saying this to discourage you. Everyone gets discouraged, outraged, and worse. That's why we post and respond here.

"But like right now. I've connected with this really great guy and we talked on the phone once it went terrific. We made plans to meet this Saturday and we've been emailing like non stop! But I just went online an he's on there with IM me Now on."

What you say here is just not worth thinking about, fretting over, and generally paying attention to...even when you meet this guy, and if you both click, he may still be reading profiles that very night in his jammies.

Don't concentrate on one person. Write and meet a couple. Hundred, I mean.

OK, just a couple. That'll keep you too busy to be playing detective with this guy.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-21-2009
Mon, 06-01-2009 - 9:38pm

Thank you so much for your advice. And I agree it isn't anything I should be thinking about at all. I've never even met him and a week ago didn't even know he existed! That's what's so crazy about all of this. I'm just a hopeless romantic who needs to get her head out of the clouds and sloooooow down.

I just assumed (which is ALWAYS a bad idea) that because I was interested and a very busy person I wouldn't bother looking at others until I meet him and see what happens with that first. It's difficult for me to imagine juggling but guess I better get used to it.

Thanks again. I'll take a look at some older posts.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-30-2009
Mon, 06-08-2009 - 9:13am
www.abcsofattraction.com is a very comprehensive site about dating based on a holistic approach. It tells you how you can enhance your persona, have the right body language and attitude, exude confidence and have the woman of your dreams!!! The site has gained immense popularity and has also been featured on cover pages of several leading magazines.