HELP - need insight on new guy

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-21-2008
HELP - need insight on new guy
9
Sat, 07-25-2009 - 7:07pm

Hi Dear Board readers and contributors,

I have been out of the dating world for a while and I need some insight from impartial others.

I started to email with this guy recently, he really made a great impression on me from the beginning, not only with his cute looks but with his incredibly funny and witty emails. After about a couple of weeks of emailing I eventually agreed of meeting him (he told me in advance that that is the only day that week he can meet because he is going away for a bachelors party and things are unusually crazy for him this week but that it should not be like that afterwards).

So we met, we had a great time, instant attraction, we talked for several ours, went up to his place and had a great time there as well, spent the night together and everything was nice. While we were at his place talking, one of my favorite movies came up and he told me that he has been wanting to see it and we should watch it together next week when we meet.

He did seem a bit insecure, for eg.when I was going to the bathroom saying things like "Now you are calling your friends so they can fake-call you so you can get away from me" etc. He told me that while we were emailing, he did not hear from me for 2 days (work has been crazy so at one point I did not respond for 2 days) and he was afraid that I would disappear. In the morning when he was taking a shower he jokingly said " Are you going to be gone by the time I come back?". He did seem a bit taken aback in the morning though. He dropped me off and before we said goodbye he said we should really watch that movie next week. I said, sure and we said goodbye.

That evening I got a text message from him saying: "I had a busy day. I had so much fun with you last night and I look forward to seeing the movie". I texted him back saying I had fun too, I told him to have a great time at the party and that I will see him soon". This was Wednesday and now I am waiting to hear from him.

However, I am a bit worried that my text was too aloof and given how insecure he seems I might have put him off..I have not heard from him since Wednesday and I kind of figured that he would probably call sunday as he is busy with the party etc. right now. I am having a lot of doubts though, and I am thinking , should be more encouraging? Should I text him sooner, or email him? I mean he opened up to me and sent me a message right the next day, and instead of starting a conversation with him I pretty much put him off. Am I overreacting? Is it possible I put him off with my text? Will he call? I would love to hear some input especially from a guy's perspective. Thanks in advance!

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Mon, 07-27-2009 - 8:10pm

Its not your job to fix his insercurities or boost his selfesteem hon. Thats on him.


If you choose to do those things than ok...but do not let his insecurities force you into babying him and playing Ms. FixIt all the time.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Mon, 08-10-2009 - 10:46pm

If he wants to see you again, he will call. If he doesn't call, he isn't interested. It really is that simple.

I was at a dinner party on the weekend and the men there all agreed that regardless of the circumstances, if they were interested in a woman, they would make the time to call her and see her.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-17-2009
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 12:08pm
I don't know...cause what if you did put him off? I honestly don't think a friendly email saying hello would hurt if you wrote it tomorrow or Thursday. You don't have to ask him what happened to him but at least he would know you're still thinking of him just in case he did think you were sort of blowing him off.
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-01-2005
Tue, 08-11-2009 - 6:24pm

Really? My boyfriend told me he wasn't going to call me because he was 100% sure he had blown the first date and I'm shoot him down (and yeah, the first date was pretty bad). The only reason he called is because I sent him an email saying I had a great time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 5:18am

I was holding off on saying anything, but your post emboldened me to face the "He's Just Not That ..." crowd:


If a guy doesn't think you're interested in him, he will probably not call you or follow up, no matter what he thinks of you. This should not come as surprise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-02-2008
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 7:57am

By now it's Tuesday, have the two of you talked?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-07-2004
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 10:55am
I definitely agree that if I perceive that a woman was not enjoying herself on our date, no matter what I think of her I will probably not contact again. I'll wait and see if she expresses anymore interest.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-09-2008
Wed, 08-12-2009 - 9:49pm

"In some places woman may be waiting for the men to call.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Sun, 08-16-2009 - 12:47pm
Any update? Was he interested? Have you had another date yet?