HELP!!!! Who pays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
HELP!!!! Who pays?
17
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:18pm
What is the norm these days?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:23pm
so far, in my experience with coffee dates or dinner dates, the guy has paid. I offered one time and the guy said he wasn't comfortable with that. I think it's generally the gentlemanly thing to do. Have a great time, I'm jealous!
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:56pm

I prefer the man to pay, but if I get to the coffee shop first, I'll just go ahead and buy my coffee rather than waiting for him to do so.

I don't offer to pay unless I am NOT interested in seeing him again, in which case I *insist* on paying my half. I think offering or doing the reach when you don't really want to pay is insincere and rather silly (especially if you're going to get upset if he takes you up on the offer, which we've seen posts about). I say a gracious and sincere thank you when he's paying, and I will usually pick up the check on the 3rd or 4th date, if it gets that far. But I like being courted on the first couple of dates.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 4:18pm
I'm with Sheri. I think the guy should pay but I usually at least offer once. When (and it is always when, not if) the guy turns me down, I just say a sincere thank you and accept. Last night when I met this guy, I went into the coffee shop and he asked me what I would like and he then went to the counter and ordered and paid for me. I thought that was nice.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 4:59pm

"Who asks, pays."

(With apologies to the SAS.)

Meaning whoever asked the other person out is the person who should pay. Until me and my gf were mutually exclusive, I paid pretty much all the time, because I was doing the asking.

Now she pays every now and again, but then again she does more asking or setting up of the date.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 5:10pm
I have to say that I agree that whoever asks, should pay. Now, I wouldn't ask... just because that's not the way I work, so *I* expect that he should pay. Now, being in a mutually exclusive relationship that I met OLD, he ALWAYS insists on paying, in fact, freaked out that one night after a nice dinner that he paid for, I beat him to pay for our ice cream at the creamery.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 5:34pm

He pays the first handful of dates especially if he’s courting you by asking you on dates not the other way around. After you’ve established a dating pattern then offer and if he refuses just insist.


 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 7:11pm
That's a legitimate question in today's dating world, Sparkle. Bottom line: if he really likes you... he'll pay regardless of who asks.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 8:58pm

Once again I have a differing opinion....lol. I think it's just a meet so why not split? A date would be different. I think I'd have to be in the situation to determine for sure. My last OLD he paid. But we skipped over the meet part and went right for the date.....lol.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 11:31am

I don't know who asked for the date at this point.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 12:32pm

Hey Sparkle,

My standard end-of-date-check line was "May I share that with you?" 9 times out of 10, the answer is 'absolutely not.' But I think it's only polite to offer. When it's coffee, I'd buy my own if I got there first, or just say "thank you" if the guy got me one. For a dinner date after the initial meet, if it goes well and we have drinks afterward, I would usually try to pay for at least one round. The courting is lovely, but it's also nice to show you can reciprocate.

And, have a great time.

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