HELP!!!! Who pays?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
HELP!!!! Who pays?
17
Tue, 03-29-2005 - 3:18pm
What is the norm these days?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:11pm

You know, I agree with that.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-12-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 6:52pm
well I hope this doesnt sound too too callous ... I hate to say it but the expectation for me is that the guy pays... I am far too old and established and am looking to go out with men that are established... if the price of a dinner is a dealbreaker... I will gladly pull out my credit card and move on... in my younger days in college etc... I was always understanding of the guys limited funds and was sensitive to that... I am not now...
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-01-2004
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:12pm
I TOTALLY agree, but my fear is that I don't want to come off as EXPECTING anything, you know?
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-21-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:35pm

Well, I must be the unconventional one here (as usual!). "Dating" is still a strange idea to me. I hated doing it in my late teens. In my 20s, the guys were poor...there were rarely "dates" in the sense of being asked to go somewhere nice. So no question of one paying for the other. Very egalitarian, which in fact is my philosophy, as a dyed-in-the-wool feminist. In my 30's, rather the same--our incomes were about equal, so we shared or took turns paying.

Now that I am doing OLD, I feel the situation is more formal. I expect him to pay on the first couple of outings, but that's mainly because I figure HE expects to pay. The only man I have seen more than a couple of times so far is "M" and he is even broker than me, so I normally just pay for myself as I would with any other friend. But if I were going out with a man who made a decent salary (as in, quite a bit more than mine!) I wouldn't mind letting him pay for most events. On the other hand, if I call a guy and say, "Would you like to attend the suchand such concert with me?" I certainly expect to be the one who buys the tickets.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 7:59pm
I'm curious... so if a man makes less than you, is it wrong to want him to still be a "man?" :)

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-25-2003
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:49pm

Bella, mind if I play with your comment a bit?

Suppose you are out on a new date, its going well... you like him and truly would like to see him again.

The check comes.
And you do your standard end-of-date-check line "May I share that with you?"

If he says "Yes", then does all of a sudden he become a louse and someone whose phone call you'll let go to voicemail?

If not, I applaud you.

There are so many comments (on this subject, not necessarily on this thread) that read: I Ask But If He Accepts He's Dead Meat.

Ladies, a 'polite' offer when you have no desire to pay and when you will silently criticize him if he excepts is entrapment.

If you truly expect (and desire) him to pay and court you... then keep silent when the bill comes. Let him be the man and pay without your facetious offer. Believe me, the undesirables will ask you to chip in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2005
Wed, 03-30-2005 - 9:54pm
Why doesn't anyone split the first time? Neither really knows they're going to be dating, right? I guess I have to experience it first hand again and see what happens.

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