here I go again

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
here I go again
15
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 8:18am

I don't know what I was thinking. I should think before I email someone.
Here's the situation. I met a guy for dinner from online that is also from my area. He went on a month's vacation right after we met. We did email and chat back and forth a few times when he was away. About a week after he was home, he came online and said he was bored and asked if I wanted to do anything that night. I had to work the next day, he didn't. It was getting late. He only could come up with me going to his place and since we've only met once, I didn't find that to be a good idea. So, he said that if I could come up with something to do, to message him. I couldn't think of anything so needless to say, we didn't do anything. The next day I was feeling kinda bad about not going out with him. I do want to see him again. So I emailed him telling him that I would've went out if I didn't have to work that day and that I'd like to go out and do something some other time, maybe for a walk, or a few drinks. He never responded to that email. He went to the Stones concert that weekend and I emailed asking how it went. He got back to me but didn't chat for long. I want to email him to ask him if he wants to rent a movie sometime at his place(I know what I said earlier) but I don't know what he's thinking about all of this now. It's driving me crazy now.

Edited 9/7/2005 8:24 am ET ET by dream_angel2005




Edited 9/7/2005 8:26 am ET ET by dream_angel2005

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iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 9:43am

Why is it driving you crazy?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 9:55am
Now he thinks I'm not really interested in him though. He won't ask me out again since I blew it the first time. I don't know what I was thinking. I regretted it as soon as it happened. He's always so busy anyway, or so he says. I don't know how he'd have time to be in a relationship, by the way he's always going on. I think he just wants something there for when he's "bored". That was even the first thing he put in his dating profile, saying "I'm bored". Doesn't seem like something that would draw your attention.
I know, I'm trying to convince myself that whatever happens is for the best but it still bothers me too.


Edited 9/7/2005 10:28 am ET ET by dream_angel2005
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 10:43am
Hey!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 10:59am
I did suggest going out on a weekend instead of a weekday but he never responded to that email. He works most weekends so that's probably why he asked during the week but that's not a good time for me.
I find it hard to meet local guys on here or out somewhere for that matter, so that's why I'm feeling bad about this whole thing. Mostly for me, not him because we might've had fun, who knows.


Edited 9/7/2005 11:06 am ET ET by dream_angel2005
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-03-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 11:21am

I think he was looking for a hook-up. He couldn't think of anything else to do besides you come over to his house...puhleeze! If he was a good guy he would respect your time & the fact that you have to get up & go to work the next day. If he really wanted to have an actual date with you he would have worked something out with you when you suggested it, instead of ignoring your email.

Personally, I find it a turn-off when guys put in their profile that they are bored. I NEXT them right away! Bored people are boring.

This guy sounds like a flake.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 2:37pm

Anyone that gets angry or pissy because they call you and and expect you to go out that SAME night when you have to work the next day is inconsiderate and rude. He doesn't seem willing to make compromises to his schedule to accommodate yours - why should you be giving up your sleep to go over to his house when 1) you are uncomfortable doing that on a second date 2) you have to go to work the next day and be a functioning member of society and 3) he isn't willing to come up with other suggestions when you say no to his plans? You were thinking with your head, girl, not your heart and to be honest, that is GOOD at this stage! Trust your gut and if it said right off the bat to not go over there, it was probably right.

You have made your interest perfectly clear by suggesting an alternate night for the plans that works for BOTH of you. If he gets pouty because of this and you wind up compromising, you will always wind up doing things his way and he will learn to take advantage of it. Don't suggest a movie at his place. If he gets back to you and suggests something, fine, choose to go out with him or not. But don't give up your comfort and values because of this guy.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Wed, 09-07-2005 - 2:37pm
I agree with singlemomy on this. The whole thing screams HOOK-UP. Maybe it wasn't and it might have been fun, but more than likely, had you actually done it you would have placed yourself in a very uncomfortable and perhaps dangerous situation.
If he's blowing you off because you didn't jump to a last minute...what? I can't use the word DATE here...housecall? then he's not worthy of you. Don't EVER compromise your morals and self-respect (and your safety for that matter) for the sake of anyone! This guy sounds very selfish to me.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-27-2005
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 5:45pm
Well, when I emailed him before this happened, he always got back to me. Now he doesn't get back to me at all and he won't talk to me on msn. It makes me so mad and frustrated that he's acting this way and I still think about him even though I know he's not worth it. Why do I keep blaming myself for this? I have to stop it!!!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 10:20pm

I just don't think he's that interested in you. No offense. I mean if he was he'd be asking you out, the only time he did was when he was bored and it was late and he didn't seem to really have a "plan" to do anything, which to me means it was kind of a "oh well I have nothing else going on and dreamangel is available so wanna go out"

I don't think you blew anything..I just don't think he's that into you...and I agree with firstamendment, don't chase...it makes you seem needy even if you aren't.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-18-2004
Thu, 09-08-2005 - 10:29pm
A man that likes a woman will work for a woman. will ask her out ahead of time,plan the date, call her, do what he says he will do, respect her time and will not say he is bored. he is immature and was lookng for one thing. you did the right thing and respected yourself. find someone more worthy of you.. Make the man work if he doesn't then you go on to the NEXT!!!

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