Here we go again.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Here we go again.
17
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 9:09am

So here we go. Another question. My guy who is 23 and I am 30, hasn't written to me since yesterday. I think I really did it this time. We've been talking for a few months and already he is telling me he loves me. We haven't even met yet. We haven't even spoken on the phone. So on Monday it was his 23 b-day and I knew he was going out with his buddies. No problem so I thought since he was out I would call his house and say hi and happy birthday on the message centre. Just a little surprise for him when he got home. Well I was the one who got a surprise. A woman answered the phone, she sounded older, so I asked for someone other than my friend, a different name, she laughed and told me I had the wrong number. So then I started thinking maybe he lives at home not alone like he said. What if everything he's said so far is BS. I hate thinking this way but I don't want to like him any more than I do and find out it's not true. I've been hurt bad in the past and I'm so nervous about being hurt again. I need to let that go. He wrote back and said it was his step mom there to let his dog out. He just thought it was funny but then realized I was serious. He said he knows how he feels about me and that he wants me but he doesn't know why things have to be so complicated. He then said he doesn't know about somethings. That was it..he didn't say anything else. I've been waiting to talk to him on messenger for a long time but he hasn't been on. He signed off that he loved me and missed me. I don't know what to think. I miss talking to him and I want things to work. I've written several messages apologizing for being quick to assume but he hasn't written. It's a mess I know. We're doomed aren't we? I'm overreacting to things b/c I'm scared. He seems so good. Help
LittleRocket

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-27-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 3:57pm
Well said PM!!! That should be sent to committment phobes everywhere.
Avatar for phoenixmama
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 4:19pm

>>Where were you a couple years ago when I needed to hear that, instead of me having to figure it out on my own ;)


Uhmmm..... I was busy trying to

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 4:44pm

Current guy??? What did I miss??? Do tell!!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 5:41pm
It's the same guy that I came out here a couple months ago and asked whether or not I should go to his house b/c he asked me over and got blasted by NGOL saying that if all I wanted was sex I should stay home and spend the evening with BOB (battery operated boyfriend). Well, I went and we've been seeing each other ever since and slowly building things up. We're keeping it light see each other a couple of times a week (seeing him tonight actually), but he really is great and we have a lot in common and really enjoy each other's company. But he's commitment-phobic and so I am keeping my options open by continuing on Match and to see other people but he is the only one I'm seeing regularly (I've had a couple OLD meets here or there - no one of real interest). But given that he is commitment-shy, I don't want to put all my eggs in one basket and miss out on someone that IS ready.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Wed, 06-15-2005 - 6:18pm

Ah, ok, I remember that guy.

This is really more of a general question, and not in any way, shape or form intended as a slam on you or your choice to have a casual relationship with him, but do you think someone can really be open to a relationship with someone else when you're in one with someone you really like but that's not quite what you want, for whatever reason? I've tried to do that (most recently with the LD guy) so that's why I'm not sure it works. I think one needs to create the space in order to really being open to filling it, if that makes sense.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Thu, 06-16-2005 - 10:57am

No, it's a valid question and to be quite honest, I am not sure, really. I may not be completely open to finding someone else even tho R's and my relationship might not be exactly where I would ultimately like my relationship to go. I DO think I am open to finding and dating other guys but I don't know if I subconsciously keep a wall up to building something more with anyone else.

We're kind of in this odd place between a casual relationship and a real relationship. It's light and fun and we don't talk about commitment, but I know he is not seeing anyone else and in the last couple weeks or so, we have spent more time together and are talking more about ourselves, our lives, family, etc., getting to know each other better. I'll also admit that I would like it to turn into more and that is what makes your question very valid. I guess if I do meet someone I really like and feel a click with through OLD or otherwise, I will cross that bridge but so far in the last 2 months, I haven't met anyone that I have even remotely wanted to date. Whether that is really because we don't click or because subconsciously I want it to work out with R, I can't tell you.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-22-2005
Fri, 06-17-2005 - 12:35pm

Thanks a bunch. I agree too, I've had enough. I don't like these feelings of thinking I've always done something wrong. I'm done with him. He's off my lists and there's not going to be any more IMing. I know it's not a relationship but you're right it was a pseudorelationship and I don't want any of it. I'm not ready to trust someone yet. I'm healing little by little and I think when it's time for me to meet someone, I will. I'm not going to force it, I want it to be natural. I appreciate all the comments.

LittleRocket

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