He's a charmer...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
He's a charmer...
5
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:14am

This guy and I have been emailing back and forth for several days now. He writes the most thoughtful and long emails. We've found out that we have many interesting little things in common. There's a lot of chemistry in the emails. I decided that I'd get on the phone with him ...which is much earlier than I normally do. I usually wait a couple weeks of emailing here and there before I exchange numbers, but I felt much more comfortable with this guy. So, last night we talked for 1.5 hours. We had the best time talking, clicked, lots of chemistry there. :-)

This is where I'm wondering about him...He is new to internet dating. His first month ends tomorrow. He actually told me that he feels so comfortable talking to me and he wants to meet me, and that he is not going to renew his subscription. He is really sincere...but I can see that he doesn't know the dating etiquette! I didn't reply to him when he said that. He continues to say the nicest sweetest comments to me. And he loves literature and has said literary quotes to me that are relevent in the moment. He IS charming, and he seems like he hasn't a clue about etiquette since he is new at all the internet dating. I just can't figure out if he is trying to be like this in order to WOO me or if this is for real...LOL. I like him and really look forward to meeting..we talked about meeting next week. He seems genuine based on these long thoughtful emails, and as long as he is not a player he seems so sweet and someone I'd want to date. He told me that he has talked to several other women now from match.com and I stand out to him, the only person he has really connected with. Do men say stuff like that to anyone else here? Is that a little too dramatic in the first week of emailing (long emails though). Maybe he is ultra focused on finding a mate..He did tell me that he is looking for a serious relationship and marriage.

I kind of feel like he is being naive, not on purpose...but when you start doing internet dating, it's amazing how many different kinds of people you can date who you never would have come in contact with. I kind of feel like he hasn't realized this, and he will and then just blow me off...LOL. A person's FIRST internet date is never their LAST. In other words, if I am the first person he dates from OLD, I don't know...the odds are pretty high I won't be his last...Ya know we are like kids with our hands in the candy jar when we first join with all the options that we realize are out there. But who knows, it could work.

He's a charmer but I'm very weary of him!~ I like him and want him to be for real!

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 11:43am

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard things like that from OLD guys, I'd have enough for a very nice dinner out, at the very least ;-). I'm not saying he's not sincere, but he doesn't KNOW you. So you really need to take everything with a grain of salt--time will tell.

As you might recall, I was really excited about J, the guy who stood me up last week and then blew off the make up date, before we met. He was saying all the right things and even now I think he was sincere, but he just couldn't or wouldn't follow through on actually spending time together when push came to shove...although he was great at calling every day pretty much without fail before he stood me up last week. So you just never know how someone's going to be until you've spent some time with them.

As for him being new to match.com--yeah, it's possible that he'll think, well, if I could meet such a great woman right off the bat, there must be dozens of other ones out there. But maybe not--who knows? Again, only time will tell.

It's good to be a bit wary, I think--optimistic but wary ;-).

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-30-2006
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 1:22pm
Based on my 11 months of OLD I found they are all charmers and very attentive if they see you as a challenge and want to meet you. Many men are masters with their written and spoken words and can lead you to have great expectations of the first meeting. The majority of men have shown their actions are not consistent with their words. It is good to be optimistic and excited about meeting the guy but keep your expectations realistic so you won't be disappointed when he isn't as he presented himself. Good luck, I hope he is real, I'm sure there are some good ones in cyberspace, the challenge is finding them!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 2:13pm

"If I had a dollar for every time I've heard things like that from OLD guys, I'd have enough for a very nice dinner out, at the very least ;-)"

LOL! ...yeah, I'm sure there are other men who speak eloquently out there. I guess my deal is that I usually don't run across these men or haven't in a very long time. It's nice to get the attention and entertainment. I'm not going to "fall" for anything or get swoony too soon. I've got my thinking cap on. lol The other day I was talking to a friend about how it would be nice to be wooed for a change. If feels good to actually be pursued strongly. But I know from experience that stuff that starts out fast and hot burns out quicker.

I agree about follow-through. It doesn't matter how nice and sweet someone is, the person's actions will be what we remember the most or have a greater effect. Let's just say his words have me extremely interested, and I can't wait to get with him in person and get to know if he is really all he seems to be. :)

As far as your guy, J, goes, have you talked to him since he blew off the make-up date? Are you going to give him another chance?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-09-2008
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 2:17pm
Thanks JamminJudy, I'm doing my best to keep everything you said in mind! :) We'll see how it pans out...
Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 11-16-2006 - 3:45pm

Well, I hope you get to meet him soon and you have good in-person chemistry. But of course you'll need to date him for a while before you'll know about whether he's good on follow-through or not.

I spoke to J on Monday night and told him I wasn't comfortable continuing (although I didn't close the door completely). At this point, no, I'm not planning on giving him another chance. I really haven't missed him since we stopped talking regularly. I think it was a combination of already being somewhat on the fence about my interest in him, and then him failing to show strong interest in me by blowing off our dates pretty much killed it.

Sheri