He's gotta dance, I don't wanna

Avatar for skydance2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
He's gotta dance, I don't wanna
14
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 10:21pm

I hate dancing. Because I'm a bit on the shy side, avoiding situations where I'll feel like the center of attention is something I aim for.

So imagine my dismay when my date of Friday evening made a few inquiries about dance ability/coordination. In his profile, he mentions swing dancing. When I saw that, I mentioned that I wasn't very big on the whole thing...loathe it in fact. He assured me with "Well, she doesn't have to be an expert or anything...just willing". He also mentioned that "slow dancing in the living room to Sinatra was great too". Okay, so I could probably handle the latter.

What's a girl to do? lol so funny.

(and for you men out there... here's one gal that won't beg you to take her dancing!)

Edited 5/21/2005 10:59 am ET ET by skydance2002




Edited 5/21/2005 11:01 am ET ET by skydance2002

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Sun, 01-09-2005 - 11:52pm

Oh, too funny! I love to dance but I'm hopeless at partner dancing...I've tried taking a couple salsa and swing intro classes and just end up giggling helplessly because I'm so BAD! That doesn't endear me to the people who dance seriously ;-).

Hopefully you can find some other fun things you both enjoy!

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-10-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 12:08am

Well, it certainly doesn't sound like you're even "willing", at least to dance in public.

It also doesn't sound like he was listening to you if you said that you "loathed" it and he said you don't have to be good, just "willing".

"I loathe it" does not sound like "I'm willing" to me!

Have you looked into taking any lessons, though?

Or if it's really a phobia, seeing a counselor or hypnotist to see if you can be "cured" of the fear? If you're willing to do it in the living room but not in public, that sounds like it might be more of a phobia than just plain not liking to dance.

If this guy is really into it, though, then he's going to be bummed out if you don't want to do it. Those dancing people are kind of weird, they really get into it and do it like two or three weekends a month, travel out of town for big dances, you name it.

Then again, a guy always has partners, because of all the little old widowed ladies that want someone to dance with. You better watch out, they'll steal him from you!

Avatar for skydance2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 12:59am

Good points made, NGOL. Let's see. I've thought about it some and have come to this conclusion: I hate dancing in public or frankly, doing anything that may involve people gazing at me for an inordinate amount of time. This includes public speaking.

I'm willing to give dancing a shot in private. Remember, he did mention "slow dancing in the living room to Sinatra" as being fine too!

He isn't terribly involved with the local swing dance scene and isn't a competitor... but it does seem to be something he enjoys a good deal, being that he is somewhat amused by the period from which this type of dancing originated.

And while I "loathe" the idea, I am willing to try it if it helps me get over this stupid complex.

Funny you should ask about the dance lessons. I was thinking today that maybe that's something I need to do to help me overcome this fear or at least, to be a little less anxious when presented with a situation that might require me to get on my feet and boogie on down the dance floor....like weddings.

If I do decide to enroll in dance classes, I'd likely opt for private lessons (but you already knew that, didn't you?) lol

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-31-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 6:17am

I think it's funny that you hate to dance yet it's part of your name. LOL

I have no advice at all. I don't do things I don't like to do so I assume others are that way also. But swing dancing is so awesome to watch that it makes me wanna try it.

Lisa

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-16-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 6:18am
Get liquored up and give it a try.
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-27-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 7:45am

I'm assuming his profile mentions his interest in dancing (at least that's the way I read it) . Maybe I'm missing something but the reasons you may not enjoy it are secondary as to whether you're willing to compromise and try it if everything else about him interests you.


Isnt it the same as starting out with someone who , for example, enjoys skiing and yet you hate being cold outdoors and would even be embarrassed to try. If someone approaches me and their profile mentions something I have no interest in, I reply and point it out then it's up to them if they want to even take it any further. You told him you were willing and that may have been a mistake if it bothers you that much.


If you have an interest in him and want to see where it goes, can you possibly summon up your courage and give it a try ? ask him for some lessons even.


Good luck.


MS
A man's got to do what a man's got to do.
A woman must do what he can't.

MS
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-16-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 8:54am

Hi Sky -- I also think it's kind of funny that your name refers to dancing yet you don't wanna....
I absolutely love to dance, so I can't understand why anybody wouldn't want to. I was married to a non dancer and it killed me that he wouldn't even try. I would look at all the other couples on the dance floor and feel so sad, especially at a wedding. At least you admit that nobody else cares what you look like, it's all inside you! But if he's really into it and you're not, that really could become an issue. I think the lesson might be a good idea -- if you find out you still hate it, fine, but you might enjoy it if you have a bit more confidence.

And, I echo what the previous posters said -- it's like any other activity a person really enjoys and wants to share with a partner. I frankly am not sure I want to go out with anybody who doesn't dance again, so he may feel the same way. You're thinking of it as a public spectacle -- can you try to think of it as a way to connect physically and sensually with your partner? It can be incredibly sexy, you know!

Best,
Sposa

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 9:38am

I'm the same way - I can really tear up the floor with my line dancing, but I am hopeless when it comes to partner dancing (unless I can lead!

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Avatar for skydance2002
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 10:49am

LOL. I hear you on the name thing everyone, but it's only in reference to my kite flying hobby.

I told him in one of the first emails we exchanged that I didn't like dancing, so it was up to him to take it from there. He chose to keep the contact alive, and wanted to meet anyway. But I certainly didn't make mention of being a willing participant (I started thinking later on to myself that maybe I should just give it a shot). Aside from that, we seem to click fairly well, finding plenty of things to talk about and there are many other things I'd be more than happy to do... it's just this one silly thing I have a hang up with.

I just thought the dance lessons might be a good idea to see if this stupid fear is something that could be overcome. If this current dating scenario goes no where, however, I'll be okay with that too. I've got a few other prospects in mind! lol..

Thanks everyone :)

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-18-2003
Mon, 01-10-2005 - 5:02pm
LOL. That's what I was going to say! I love to dance but I'm also shy so I have to be in the right company and the right mood if I'm going to do it in public. The last time I danced was a year ago at a wedding. I was pretty liquored up and I had a blast!

jh


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