hes just not into "me"
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| Tue, 05-17-2005 - 11:24pm |
ok so i wanted to share this since a few people have questioned this theory on here.
this guy i met thru a friend a month and half ago, well the 2nd night out he explained to my friend he was attracted to me and proceeded to spend 30 mins talking baout me and how he would go about asking me out - what he should do since he sort of has someone far away. he has a long distance gf, albeit not exclusive, he still feels loyalty.
Fast forward to present time. My gf left to move back home sunday. the guy, myself , gf and guy's friend have all hung out a few times times after that night he talked w/ my friend. But nothing - he does stare at me according to my friend, and we have had great moments together, just chatting by ourselves away from the group setting. I told him one night when he & i were alone, to ask my frined for my # if he wanted to hang out after she left. he kept bringing up going to a baseball game or hanging out post my friend's move....HE stated many/many times he would like to. But still hasn't asked for my # from my friend. He talked w/ her last night after having missed some stuf fw/ us htis past weekend bc of family in town, etc. and she said he seeme dlike he wanted to ask for my # but didn't. HOw fustrating for me, right? its been bugging me.
Anyways, pt of my post is this. I keep thinking of him. (I like him more than i had thought - thats a whole other novel though.) and i keep trying to think up a good way to either call him myself or have my frined give him my digits. Then today I realized, HELLO hes just not that into me. I really dislike the book bc of the stigma it has brought to women and dating. But this is a wonderful example of how the book IS right.
The many excuses i made up in this particular situation... he has a psuedo someone, hes studying thus no time, he feels embarrassed to ask my friend for the #, hes intimidated by me, i didn't realy give him good enough vibes to feel like he can call me, maybe I was too wishy washy, etc.... list goes on but i'll stop ;)
Then all that equated that it would be ok to pursue him, since he has all that stuf.... I stopped myself today beacuse I realized all those excuses are just that, excuses. When a guy is interested, he WILL make the move. i will not be sitting here wondering and hoping. So i dropped my obessive thoughts on calling him, asking him out. When he realizes he is that INTO ME, he'll do it. until then, hes just not that into me.
I can't remember the last time, Ive really liked someone this much. Ahhhh. Hoepfully another cutie comes along soon

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Hi SG,
This is a hard one to face, especially when he has been giving you mixed signals (my New Year's res this year was "refuse to be confused"!) You are right in thinking that if a man Wants to be with you, he Will find a way. You are also right in the fact that there IS another hottie out there, waiting for you, so Next this and move along!
I do not care for JNITY either; I feel that we Knew of this concept a lonnng time ago, those people just made a few Benjamins off of a trend, and, in the bargain, made women look whiny and spineless...geee....thaaaanks......But, if it helps a few women keep on moving and not get stuck in the "does he like me?" rut, then cool that.
When you do find (and u will!) that guy who likes you a lot and goes to great lengths to be together, you will have No questions or doubts, and you will give him No 'hall passes' either (well, he is busy/has to study/bathe the cat), and he will not Need any. Your liking this guy 'more than usual' prob comes from the same concept I apply to chocolate: If I cannot have it, I WANT it! Also applies to the cute new Steve Madden shoes that do not fit into my budget, as I Have 3 pairs of black sandals Already! But I brat that and Still want them! Same with this guy, for you. Getting back in the game and forgetting about this will cure you. Then, he might show up on your radar again..but, by then, some other cutie Has come along and is treating you SO princess-ish that you will turn up your pretty little nose at "Stall Man"!
Roll on, Little Rock!
Truly,
Cupcake
Cupcake chic says-"I do not care for JNITY either" -That tells me that you are comfortable making lame excuses for a guy who doesn't like you.
I don't think this is something you can care about or not. It simply...just is! I think the HJNTIY is a basic concept where a woman does not accept or make excuses when it comes to a guy. End of statement. Why make more out of it?
The key point that Oprah made on her last show regarding this topic is the word "that" in the He is just not "that" into you. He may like you, you may want to date you....but he is not "That" into you.
What the message Oprah wants to send to women....is realize their self worth and value and only accept a man who is "THAT" into you..And no less.
What is not to like?
Jodie
Edited 5/18/2005 9:29 am ET ET by truewild1969
http://tickers.ticke
It isn't that the concept is bothering, it's just that some people seem to recite the stupid book line for line when it comes to anything to do with a man. It is literally like a Bible to them and sometimes that can be annoying. Most women who have been dating for a while knew this stuff anyways, not to say that when we like a guy we still don't occassionally try to make up excuses for him, but in our hearts and heads we know that if he really wanted to see us then he would do something to see us or talk to us.
So, it's not the concept that bothers some of us, it's the fact that it isn't new information, somebody just coined the term and ran with it.
Just a thought and I could be wrong: But do you think the reason you like this one so much is because he's unattainable and a challenge?
Just a thought I'm throwing out there...
I don't like the HJNTIY either, because it says to a woman that she should not indicate interest, not call EVER and basically give the man all control in a relationship. Been there and abused by that, never again. If I like someone and they seem interested I will say something to mention maybe doing a shared interest or dinner to catch up. Some people are shy after all. I don't make excuses for men, but I have many close friends who are guys and even they will admit that sometimes they do like someone, but just don't know what to do about it so they just shut up. I figure outside of saying no if he is that interested what have you got to lose.
Of course the long distance girlfriend thing though makes me wonder if maybe there's more to the story than you know. That would keep me away from dating him, but that's just me.
Hmm...I've read the book twice and totally disagree that it says ANYTHING like that.
Have you actually *read* the book?
Sheri
Huh, that's very interesting. It always amazes me how different people can take such different things from the same set of words ;-)!
I would be willing to bet a reasonably large sum of money that it didn't say don't EVER call a man or show him you are interested, however.
Sheri
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