hes just not into "me"
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| Tue, 05-17-2005 - 11:24pm |
ok so i wanted to share this since a few people have questioned this theory on here.
this guy i met thru a friend a month and half ago, well the 2nd night out he explained to my friend he was attracted to me and proceeded to spend 30 mins talking baout me and how he would go about asking me out - what he should do since he sort of has someone far away. he has a long distance gf, albeit not exclusive, he still feels loyalty.
Fast forward to present time. My gf left to move back home sunday. the guy, myself , gf and guy's friend have all hung out a few times times after that night he talked w/ my friend. But nothing - he does stare at me according to my friend, and we have had great moments together, just chatting by ourselves away from the group setting. I told him one night when he & i were alone, to ask my frined for my # if he wanted to hang out after she left. he kept bringing up going to a baseball game or hanging out post my friend's move....HE stated many/many times he would like to. But still hasn't asked for my # from my friend. He talked w/ her last night after having missed some stuf fw/ us htis past weekend bc of family in town, etc. and she said he seeme dlike he wanted to ask for my # but didn't. HOw fustrating for me, right? its been bugging me.
Anyways, pt of my post is this. I keep thinking of him. (I like him more than i had thought - thats a whole other novel though.) and i keep trying to think up a good way to either call him myself or have my frined give him my digits. Then today I realized, HELLO hes just not that into me. I really dislike the book bc of the stigma it has brought to women and dating. But this is a wonderful example of how the book IS right.
The many excuses i made up in this particular situation... he has a psuedo someone, hes studying thus no time, he feels embarrassed to ask my friend for the #, hes intimidated by me, i didn't realy give him good enough vibes to feel like he can call me, maybe I was too wishy washy, etc.... list goes on but i'll stop ;)
Then all that equated that it would be ok to pursue him, since he has all that stuf.... I stopped myself today beacuse I realized all those excuses are just that, excuses. When a guy is interested, he WILL make the move. i will not be sitting here wondering and hoping. So i dropped my obessive thoughts on calling him, asking him out. When he realizes he is that INTO ME, he'll do it. until then, hes just not that into me.
I can't remember the last time, Ive really liked someone this much. Ahhhh. Hoepfully another cutie comes along soon

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Best Wishes,
J
I read the book and agree with it for the most part.
I do think that it does take some people a bit longer to *be into* someone and feel comfortable. It doesn't always happen during the first or second meeting/date so I think some people may get discouraged if it doesn't happen right away.
>>in our hearts and heads we know that if he really wanted to see us then he would do something to see us or talk to us.<<
And yet, women keep on making excuses for the guy in their life. They *say* they actually know the truth, but they keep acting in ways that indicates that they're going against it.
The book does NOT say that women should give up all the control to the men; to the contrary, I think it's a very powerful, positive message that women need to TAKE control! The book's point is that each and every woman deserves a guy who definitely is "THAT INTO YOU", and that women should quit wasting time with these dorks who just aren't.
I don't think it's like "The Rules", where a woman is supposed to ignore a guy or not show many signs of interest; instead, I think HJNTIY's author would say that a woman *should* show signs of interest, be open and friendly... and if the guy doesn't pick up on that and show, through his actions and words, that he's into her, the woman should MOVE ON.
In any case, SG, you were right- the guy in question wasn't into you enough. I can't imagine a grown-up doing the stuff he was doing if he was into you. Kudos to you for moving on!
(And yes, SG, I got your email and yes I've been a complete slacker in answering it and I'll write you a long one soon!)
Hi Jodie,
Nope, no 'hall passes' here. I do not care for the book as it makes a blanket statement, when life is just not That black and white. My case in point: Tall Man broke a first meet/date with me when we began, as he had not broken ties with an old girlfriend, and felt it was best to totally end that, before we began. I let it go with a polite thank you. JNITY would say he was not That into me, huh?
Three weeks later, that relationship done for good, and respectfully, he felt, he came back to ask me out. Three months later, we are happily exclusive and have been off of OLD for 2 months of that. I Asked how he had felt, wondering if he might have been 'less' than enthused. On the contrary, he felt a LOT for me, liked a lot about me and was Very attracted, but felt it was not right or fair to drag me into the middle of that emotional circus. Cool, as the only 'middles' we Cupcakes do is Creme Filling! :)
Had I gone by the book, I would have written him off for good. I DO think it has its' merits, and as I said, and I hope you caught this--if it has kept One woman from hanging on and wondering Needlessly, then it is worth it.
Nothing is The Bible, but The Bible.(and even that is interpreted Many ways!)
Truly,
Cupcake
Actually, CC, I'm pretty sure the book has an example that's almost the exact same situation (I borrowed from a friend so I can't check it)...but basically the message was that a stand-up guy who IS that into you would take care of unfinished business first.
Sheri
Thanks Sheri-I was going to say almost the same thing.
My take is...without beating a dead horse...is, that the book had given Cupcake the notion to not sit back and ponder...pine...wondering what happened?? You moved on, lived your life. It appears as if when he cleared up his life and in a place where he could be into someone else, he decided that he did want to pursue you...He has shown that he is "that" into you.
I really didn't read the book as black and white. Just basic common sense. However I respect Cupcakes POV and appreciate her sharing with me. I love a good, healthy debate (grin).
Sincerely,
Jodie
http://tickers.ticke
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