He's Just NOT Into You- thoughts?
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He's Just NOT Into You- thoughts?
| Thu, 02-09-2006 - 12:43pm |
I'm just curious about everyone's thoughts about the book "He's Just Not That Into You"- Do people agree/disagree with it.
I personally think there are some great points- but I also feel that there are too many generalizations- and make women look "helpless" waiting for a guy to make a decision as to whether or not he wants to be with her.
I was discussing the book with one of my guy friends, who thinks that men and women are euqal when it comes to calling. That I personally disagree with (and I wish I didn't!)
Okay- people's thoughts about it?

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I agree with it wholeheartedly.
How does it make women helpless? If you're not getting what you want/need from a guy, you move on. YOU make the choice. Besides, why would you want to wait around for a guy who's clearly showing he's just not that into you?
Your friend may think that, but trust me, if there were a woman he *really* liked, he wouldn't be waiting around for her to call...he's be calling her!
Sheri
Sheri,
I most certainly agree with you on the theory, if you're not getting what you want to move on.
The issue I have with "He's Just That Into You"- is these women are asking questions about why does a guy do this or that- and how women make excuses about how a man treats her. The author's constant commentary is that if a guy doesn't do : x,y and z, then he's isn't into you- which bugs me because let's say: if a woman doesn't call you back within 24hrs., sleep with you within the first two months, or schedule a Friday or Saturday night date within the first two weeks of meeting- would you say any of the above means that you are not into a guy? (Just an idea of what a guy may think if you were not to do any of the following)
Do you see what I mean about it? Its very cut and dry about what a guy SHOULD do if he is into you- and doesn't take into account- that yes, there are certain things that are elementary to relationships, but there are also certain things that are not so black and white.
Have you read the book?
Yes, I've read it several times, actually. And I heartily disagree that it prescribes specific things that HAVE to happen to know if a guy is into you. The letters and the responses are just supposed to be comic examples of behavior...not a blueprint, IMO. The only things that I saw as specific "rules" if you will are the ones towards the end, like, "He's just not that into you if he's married".
The message I got from the book is, if what's happening between the two of you doesn't cause you to have questions, make excuses or rationalize his behavior, then it's all hunkie-dory--if it ain't broke, don't fix it. But if you find yourself unhappy, making excuses, etc, THEN that's when you have a problem.
Sheri
I actally liked the book and own a copy myself. It's a bit of a humorous/supportive read, albeit much of what the authors are talking about should fall under the "common sense" category.
But I also know how it can feel to be in a relationship where something is "off". It's often times harder to see things objectively when you're on the outside looking in. This book can be a helping hand in that regard.
Oh, and being referred to as a Super Fox isn't such a bad thing either! lol :)
I borrowed the book from a girlfriend and read it in about 30 minutes. It *is* common sense in large part, but I think the authors make some good points and just generally remind us of the old saying "actions speak louder than words." In other words, if we watch the way a man acts towards us in a relationship, and how we feel in that relationship (content, secure, happy), then we've got a good indication of the state of that man's (and our!) intent.
I do believe that there is a long-evolved biological reason for why women tend to want commitment and expression of that commitment quickly, and men tend to shy away from it.... but nevertheless, if his actions aren't making you feel happy, move on.
I think the book is empowering, and a good reminder that we are all worth a man who is into us enough to be consistent in his actions, words, follow through. =0)
Once you meet in person, it's the same as meeting offline, and yes, the same principles apply. If a guy isn't making his interest in you clear by calling you and taking you out on a regular basis (and it's really not all that difficult to do that for several people at once), then HJNTIY. It doesn't have to be every day that he's calling you...it could be 1-2 times a week, and he can take you out once a week or so, and you'd still know he was interested.
Sheri
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