He's still involved with the ex?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
He's still involved with the ex?
10
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 7:01pm
What would you guys think if
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2005
Wed, 10-26-2005 - 7:09pm
Yes in the sense that he can't cut all ties and be "alone" before moving on. He must have a replacement - not good.
 
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 9:34am

It depends on how involved is he with her.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 10:17am

Or are there children involved that they must co-parent? Many people choose and are able to split and co-parent with a great relationship... This may mean daily conversations, etc.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2003
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:26pm

Sorry to say that it seems like a red flag, yes. :(

Sara

edit: I should add that, of course, if there are children involved it could be a different story.




Edited 10/27/2005 1:13 pm ET by saralm
 
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 12:47pm

First of all I would be pissed that he didn't tell me. I would advise you to find out how often do they talk. If there are kids involved that's different, but if not, then constant communicating could be a sign of trouble. He may not be over her. My ex calls me a couple of times a week and he admits that he's still in love with me. I tell him to move on, as I have. I wonder what he tells the women he meets. If they are still friends a call once in a while is nothing, but if it's constant, I would say-Red Flag! Also, why did he withhold that bit of info? Guilt maybe?

The T Girl
iVillage Member
Registered: 02-02-2004
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 4:06pm

I would say adios, muchacho...

It's never a good sign when a guy is seeing his ex.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-08-2005
Thu, 10-27-2005 - 11:08pm

Wait, wait, is he seeing his ex, as in spending time with her?? or are they wrapping up who's going to get grandma's spoons? As others said, if there are kids involved, they'll have to talk a lot. My ex and I talk all the time about the kids, even back in the early days when we couldn't stand each other.

Also, it wouldn't bother me that he didn't tell me at first, as I think that often information comes a little bit at a time when you're getting to know someone...I think that's ok.

It all depends on why he's seeing her...if you get the sense that he can't let go, or she's going to be a threat to any relationship this guy might have, that's bad. But if you don't know yet, I'd wait to find out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2004
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 6:47am

OK, is it XGF or XW? It makes a difference. "Boat guy" is still close with his XW, which became an issue for ME. No small children involved, just an adult daughter. So I never saw the reason for him to maintain such a close r'ship with XW. I think it was definitely a case of where he wasn't really ready to move on. Though Sheri said she maintianed a genuine friendship her XH.

I personally never saw the value in maintaining a friendship with an XBF. When it's over. it's over in my books.

It's not something I would expect to come up during our first date. It would depend on how long I was seeing him before he mentioned it. Did he bring it up at all or did you find out by other means?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Fri, 10-28-2005 - 11:37am
It depends on how long you've been seeing him and the circumstances of his contact with her.
If there are no kids involved or community property negotiations (ie. legitimate reasons for them to communicate) then in my opinion, remaining in contact with an X would concern me because it usually means one or the other has some unresolved issues and can't let go. Many people stay in contact with X's under the guise of friendship but the hidden agenda is "I'm desperately trying to get him/her back" and the other doesn't completely discourage it because it's an ego boost, unless of course the X is exhibiting harrassing or stalker tendencies.
I would ask for an explanation of what's going on. Your concern is legit if this is someone you're seriously considering dating.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2005
Mon, 10-31-2005 - 4:04pm

Well..since you said talking to..

My question is.. How long have YOU been seeing him?

If it hasnt been a long time, I really wonder if you have the right to know who hes talking to at all, ex or otherwise. There seems to be a double standard when it comes to boundaries like this.

We cannot solve our problems with the same thinking we used when we created them.