Hi Everyone...New Here!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Hi Everyone...New Here!
12
Tue, 08-02-2005 - 4:00pm

I discovered this board for about 6 weeks ago and have read it daily for about the last 10 days (since the sudden demise of my OLD relationship). I've replied to several posts now so I figured it was time to say HI! and tell you all what an amazing board you've got going on here. You guys are great and it's such a relief to know my OLD issues are pretty universal.

So a little about me;) I'm Michele, just turned 45 and I live in San Francisco. Divorced a lifetime ago and no kids. I started OLD last December and am currently active on match.com. I've had two relationships from match, both lasted for about 2 months. I've referred to some of this in my replies, so apologies for redundancy.

My current OLD situation: Dealing with a break-up. This one has hit me hard because I knew going in that he wasn't LTR material. Long story short...we spent 6 really awesome weeks having a lot of laughs just meeting up in bars, drinking, listening to music, meeting other interesting people and going back to his place for some incredible sex (not with other people, just us;) we had VERY little in common for anything beyond that, and I was cool with that. Yet he was the one who kept making these plans and talks of future. He'd bought us tickets to a concert 2 months down the road (ironically the concert is tonite), going to England to meet his family at Christmas (he told me he'd sent them my picture introducing his "new girlfriend"), moving in together, camping trips, even the possibility trying to have a baby! God, I could go on. Anyway, two days after he brought up the living together and Christmas in England he dumped me, no warning, no excuses, no apology. I'd spent the night and he gets up for work 5:30 in the morning, I'm lying there naked in his bed still half asleep and he's talking about the IRA (he's British and the recent events in London had been the topic of much conversation) then says "...and don't come back anymore, we won't be getting on". I'm going..."What!? Back up what did you just say?" Anyway he wouldn't talk, I jumped out of bed and got dressed. I was mortified. I tried pressing for an answer but knew I wasn't going to get anything out of him, and if I did it would only have hurt me worse, and I left. We've not communicated since.

Advice needed: I know I dodged a bullet here because there were a lot of red flags and he was just so bad for me in many ways. The thing that plagues me is that he got out of this so easy! I'm a very easy going and non confrontational person. I did nothing to deserve that humiliating experience. I just walked out the door and he's moved on. I feel like I was just dumped out like yesterday's trash and I'm trying to figure out a way to get some closure from this. I'm currently fighting this uncharacteristic desire to leave him a really nasty message scrawled in lipstick on his windshield. Something like: SELF ABSORBED PIECE OF S**T! I know it sounds crazy and stalkerish, and it would be lowering myself to his level. Chances are he'd have think about who may have done it as I'm sure he's left a trail of pissed of ex's.

Sorry for the long vent. This is the first time I've ever experienced this so I'm at a loss. Any advice would be appreciated.

Thanks,
Chele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 1:17pm

Hi sisfox
So true...I'm a big believer in "What comes around, goes around". People without kindness or conscience will never truly know happiness and now and again I do find myself feeling sorry for him too. He's just very lucky I can redirect my psycho-bitch/revenge fantasies onto paper and cyberspace;)

And again, to all of you, a great big THANKS! I'm so lucky to have found you all. I'm the only person in my circle of friends and family who has done OLD and though they are all supportive & sympathetic, they are skeptical that I'm ever going to meet a person of quality who deserves me. They are great listeners but lacking in the advice department. Hugs to all of you!

Chele

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2005
Wed, 08-03-2005 - 1:43pm

Hi Donna,
Thanks for sharing your story with me and I'm so sorry you had to go through that, and your son. How awful. I'm glad you had this board to help. This place is amazing.
Yeah...isn't it funny about all those red flags we either don't see or in my case, see them and just put them on the shelf. I'd find myself thinking "yeah...this would be a problem if I were in love with him...but since I'm not, no problem." I do have to be thankful that he cut if off like that because with every plan and gesture toward the future, I'd stuggle between resistance and submission, but I was falling in deeper and deeper. So I do have to be thankful I didn't invest too much in this.
Thanks,
Chele

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