Hi, guys! Need big help with kissing!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2005
Hi, guys! Need big help with kissing!!
6
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 11:55am

Hi, everyone!

What a great board -- it's helped me tremendously. I'm a lurker coming out of the woodwork. I've been subscribing to two online dating sites for about six weeks now, and have had a couple of dates that weren't great. But the last guy I met was an instant "click." He's handsome, smart, funny, genuine, etc. We have a lot in common, and we just had our fourth date. I suspect the next one will be at the end of this week or this weekend. We're pretty much talking every day, and our dates last well into the night. But here is my concern:

I am definitely attracted to this guy, and I'm in my 30's. So while I'm absolutely not going to jump in bed with him, I'm quite open to a few long kissing sessions or making out with him to "test the waters" so to speak. Problem is though, he's just not interested (yet?). I sweetly asked for a kiss (lip pecks... no tongue) on the first date, and he initiated a couple of pecks again on the second. On the third, I took control and got him to finally use a little tongue, but he didn't seem all that comfortable with it and pulled away after only a few seconds. The fouth date ended in a hug and some lip pecks again. At one point on the fourth date I attempted to hold his hand across the table as he made a joke, but he felt like a cold, dead fish. Not even a twitch. What gives? He seems totally into me, and I know he came out of a rough break up a year ago. There are some times where he'll put his hand on my back as he guides me through the doorway and I'll think, "Okay... that's a little better." But then (for example) when our waitress suggested the "u" shaped booth at the restaurant (where we could sit side by side) he instead opted for a regular table. How would you guys handle this? I'm all for going slow, but I don't want a turtle! And physical affection is very important to me, and that HAS to be there in my next relationship.

What would you all do if you were me?

Thanks! Tobi

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:10pm

You might be dating my ex-h.

Photobucket

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:21pm

Believe it or not there are guys out there who like taking there time. I use to date a guy like this, and because I was use to guys wanting to kiss and pet so quickly, it threw me for a loop. Of course, my advice from friends was he is gay or he has a problem with intimacy. I also took the initiative and he responded like your guy! Anyway, I backed off, enjoyed hanging out with him, and finally when he was ready, he kissed me and I kid you not, when we finished, my knees got weak and I collapsed! LOL Anyway after that, the sex and intimacy was off the chain!!! (smile)

If you are enjoying his time, back off pressuring him for more intimacy. As stated, he could be truly in a place where before bringing intimacy into the picture, he wants to be sure you as an individual is someone he wants to get intimate with!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-19-2004
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 12:46pm
Maybe he enjoys your company but isn't feeling the physical attraction yet and is trying to give it a bit more time.
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-27-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 1:17pm

Hey- have you two ever discussed what you are looking for in a relationship... not persay from "him".. but in general?
The guy that I am dating right now, has asked me on several occasions what I am looking for in a relationship.... and it can be a little complicated b/c my list can be long... but if I were you I would have a conversation about what he's looking for, and then you can tell him what your looking for and include affection as something important to you.

That's about all I can offer at this point. Good luck.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 1:20pm

OK, I'm saying this as a friend.

Breathmints.

Maybe you have bad breath and don't know it.

If that's not it, I'd tell him exactly what you told us:

<<>>

Kinda reminds me of that one episode of Sex in the City...Carrie was getting really frustrated because what's-his-name took so long to even kiss her. Turns out, he just wanted to take things REALLY slowly, to be sure of them.


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-01-2005
Mon, 09-26-2005 - 1:49pm
Sis-HA!

CL-Truewild1969

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