Hi I'm new!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-04-2003
Hi I'm new!!
6
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 12:55pm
Hello everyone!! I'm new to this online dating thing and thought I would join here for some tips. :) Well, I have to say that I've recently started e-mailing this guy that responded to my personal ad I put out online, and it was titled "Looking for friends," with potential for a relationship of course. We've only been emailing for about a week now, but we seem to have a lot in common. We've swapped photos and I'm very,very attracted to him and he's told me that he loved my picture. He's 6' tall, brown hair and eyes and this gorgeous smile!! WOOHOOO!! Yes, I'm very excited!!

He gave a subtle hint for us to meet in person, which I'm really,really excited for! :) We both enjoy walking at a local park so we may just meet there one day. I know it's very safe because there's always tons of people there, so I'm totally comfortable with that.

But, I was reading everyone else's posts and I guess most of you think that it would be best to talk on the phone first. I personally, would feel more comfortable meeting him in person first. I think it's because I know that I would come off better like that. I just get super nervous on the phone and I think if we were in person, if we had awkward silent moments it won't be soo bad. You know? Well anyway, let me know what you ladies think.

Thanks a bunch!!


iVillage Member
Registered: 06-20-2003
In reply to: ilucky7
Sat, 08-02-2003 - 5:44pm
Hi and welcome to the board,

Well, most people say in the world of online-dating email or chat comes first, then phone and then finally the personal meeting. But that does not mean it has to be like that for everybody. I can totally understand your concern, I am not a very good communicator at the phone with people I don't know in person myself and can be very shy in the beginning.

My Ex and I have met after we knew each other for about six weeks and we have not talked on the phone before we met. Today that seems somehow weird to me because he was in the States and I am in Germany, so he flew 10 hours to meet a woman he have just exchanged emails with. But it worked out pretty good (not for so long though but I guess that was not because of missing phone contact), we had written daily emails in this 6 weeks and of course sent pictures so that we knew each other somehow and the tone of our voices was obviously not that important to us. Even after we met we just talked on the phone once a week and never longer than half an hour or so. Obviously we were both no phone-people!

My SO and I met online this February, started with email and then talked on the messenger, and after a week or so he asked if he can call me. I was okay with that but told him about my shyness so that he knew in advance that it may be silent sometimes on my side of the phoneline. But once we started it was like talking to somebody I already knew for a very long time and I always felt and still feel absolutely comfortable when we talk on the phone. We met in person 2 times since then but because it also is Long-distance (me Germany, he Canada) the phone is still a very important part in our relationship. We try to talk daily and normally do not end under an hour. So it seems I can be a phone-person as well!

But because you and the guy you met online seem to be in the same area it can be the easiest to just meet in person if you feel like wanting that more than talk to him on the phone. Just make sure you meet at a public spot and somebody else knows where you are especially if you do not know more about him than maybe his email-address or an alias from a dating site.

Wish you luck and keep us posted!

Nicole

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-17-2003
In reply to: ilucky7
Sun, 08-03-2003 - 2:09am
Hi and welcome to our board….

I don’t think there is a rule to follow in online dating or offline, everyone has it’s own style. Meeting online then talking on messenger and webcaming, phone call doesn’t have to follow necessarily. If u want to skip that part and proceed in meeting him in person right away is your own choice. (Phone call is necessary for me coz we are 2 countries apart so it’s a different situation).

If you opt of meeting him face to face rather than talk first on over the phone and if it will make you more comfortable well then it’s fine. Just make sure to meet him in a safe place where there are lots of people and try to tell your friend whom you are meeting and where its gonna be. But if he asks for your number and he calls you well it’s a plus... Just make the conversation light , so you already have a “feel” of him b4 u finally meet in person.

But for me (I’m speaking for myself), If don’t hear him over the phone before we meet (if the case he is just in the same area), I think I will feel more awkward…I donno it’s just me..well ..do whatever what makes you feel right ok.

Glad to have you here and there are more ladies here that can give you more advice and tips… Feel free to post and keep us updated..

~Jen

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-30-2003
In reply to: ilucky7
Sun, 08-03-2003 - 8:50am
I think that for me, talking on the phone first is a MUST. Again, simply my opinion. I am a strong believer in intuition, "vibes", etc....and I think that at least one or two conversations on the phone (not hours, just 10-15 minutes) can assist you even further in ascertaining 1) if he is someone you would be interested in, 2)what you will be dealing with on the first meeting. Again, my two cents. Good luck.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: ilucky7
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 9:00am
WElcome to our board!!! So very happy to have you here!!! Post often and please feel free to jump in whenever. Well, I would say all dating styles are different for everyone. Some of us can do the on line thing for a little longer and dont need the in person, then some do it by the book, on line, phone, meet, and see where it goes. IT is all your own style that matters. Do what makes you comfortable. You can see where you need to tweek things if need be. I would say you are on the right track. Goodluck and keep us posted!!!



Gail:)

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
In reply to: ilucky7
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 2:51pm
I always talk on the phone first as a screen out mechanism. Among other things I can tell depression, lack of sense of humor (even though he might type out witty things), whether he makes sexual comments, phone manners, negativity, etc. - and I do have certain voice preferences - very high/effeminate or whiny voices are a dealbreaker for meas are monotone. None of this comes through in typing.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-16-2003
In reply to: ilucky7
Mon, 08-04-2003 - 9:19pm
Bump.