Highly anticipated date didn't happen!

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Highly anticipated date didn't happen!
14
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 8:08am

Hey all!
I just wanted to share that my highly anticipated date last night with Guy 3 (see "Choices") didn't happen. I feel I'm partly to blame; however, I'm not sure if I should hold him at all responsible...here's what happened...

The weather was really bad yesterday, really rainy and dreary; however, I still planned to go out. So, he called me around 4 o'clock, proposing that we do a house date because the weather was so bad. That would've been a good idea; however, I just began talking to this guy only a month ago on MySpace, and we've only met once face to face. I'm not yet comfortable going to his place or him coming to mine. I told him that I really preferred to go out...he understood (he seemed a bit annoyed) and said that we would go out. So....I just felt uncomfortable after that, and I can't put my finger on why. I felt like he really didn't want to go out, because he suggested we stay in in the first place. So, as the weather got worse, I called him to confirm that we were still on. He told me the ball was in my court and to call him when I knew what I wanted to do. I know that I made it clear that I would be coming out, as I told him that I'd wear a hat, and he said, 'ok'. So, when I called him to let him know I was leaving, he said that he'd made plans with the fellas to go bowling. I was a bit miffed; then I wondered if maybe I didn't make it clear that I wanted to hang out. After a few moments of him acting all sorry, I ended the call. So, the date didn't happen.

I know that this isn't a huge deal; worse things have happened. However, it still makes me a bit annoyed that he didn't call to say, "hey, I just wanted to make sure we were on before making other plans..." That would've been the polite thing to do. Anyway, just sharing this with y'all.

Happy Sunday!
Mali

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-14-1999
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:21am

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Go with this - itsyour gut instincts telling you to beware.

You may have been able to be a little more specific as in I'll meet you as X place at 8:00 but I got from what you said, that the date was still on. So - I'd say he blew you off. Sounds like he tried to make it a miscommunication but that is to blur your acceptance of the situation.

The point is that you did not at anytime say Let's do this another night and he agree to taht - neither did he. He simply made other plans because what he wanted to do wasn't an option - he wanted a 'dateless' date. So - you can usethis to see his level of interest and concern - he got annoyed when HIS plans were not accepted - that tells me he was more concerned about HIS comfort and enjoyment than yours.

And don't forget the fact that he suggested a 'house date' because the weather was so bad - that way you gusy didn't have to go in and out of hte rain - however, he choose to go bowling with the guys - doesn't that also require going in an out of the rain? If it wasn't bad enough to not do that - then it wasn't bad enough to not take you out.

Listen to that bad feeling - its there for a reason and it doesn't need an explanation. Its your internal warning system going off.

Toni

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-22-2005
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 9:24am
I completely agree with what tonitoons said, and I would totally call this guy out on this. How crappy is that. You deserve a hell of a lot better. Next!!!

Gal Blondie

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:15am
I totally agree with GB and toni but I wouldn't call him on it, I'd just next him. Bad manners are learned over years and can't be unlearned because you call him on it. It will likely take years of women refusing to put up with his bad behaviour before he figures out that change is needed.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:22am

I also 100% agree with tonitoons said.


You have no reason to feel guilty or to feel that you are to blame for this.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2005
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 10:24am

Hey.
Thank you for replying. I do agree that I should've been clearer; honestly, I was a bit turned off when he suggested the house date, after he'd told me earlier in the week that he wanted to take me out. After that, I was uncomfortable because I felt that he just agreed to go out because I said that I preferred not to do the house date; I felt like he really didn't want to go out at all. It's hard to be excited about going out with someone who acted like he didn't want to go out...

He said this morning that he just felt anxious because I seemed hesitant to go out, and that he sensed a rain check coming. Initially, I offered a rain check because he wanted to do the house date and I didn't. He said he was cool with going out, so I finally agreed. Anyway, I agree with you...

Thank you!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 11:54am
It frustrates me when people use excuses after excuses. He was uncomfortable with a date outside of the house and sensed a rain check so instead made plans with friends and left you hanging? Come on. He's an adult, not a kid. He has the power of reason and communication. In my opinion, he's waffling a little too much. Do you really want to continue in a relationship with this type of guy?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-13-2003
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 12:24pm

yeah he sounds like a selfish spoiled brat to me. . . doesn't get the kind of "date" (can't really call a night at home a date) he wants so hums and haws and then ditches you for guys night.

Not cool at all.

If he were really into you he wouldn't be pulling this crap before the 2nd date or anywhere down the road.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-28-2006
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 2:21pm

"I'm not yet comfortable going to his place or him coming to mine. I told him that I really preferred to go out...he understood (he seemed a bit annoyed) and said that we would go out. So....I just felt uncomfortable after that, and I can't put my finger on why. I felt like he really didn't want to go out, because he suggested we stay in in the first place. So, as the weather got worse, I called him to confirm that we were still on. He told me the ball was in my court and to call him when I knew what I wanted to do. I know that I made it clear that I would be coming out, as I told him that I'd wear a hat, and he said, 'ok'."
______________________

Ouch. Um... well, I'll defend him just a tiny bit first.

It sounds like you guys were crossing signals the entire time. He suggests a "house date" and you say no.

Then you feel a little weird because you think that he didn't want to go out, so you call to reconfirm?

Then it sounds like HE felt a little weird about it and unsure of what you wanted. (After all, he said that you should inform him when YOU knew what you wanted to do.)

And you say that he should have known that you were coming out because you said you'd wear a hat? Um... wow.

I hate to say it, but that doesn't sound like the same thing as saying "he knew I was coming out because I said I was coming out". It sounds like "he should have been able to figure out that I was coming out because otherwise why would I mention that I'd wear a hat?" That's total girl-think. A guy would never say something like "my buddy should have known I *meant* one thing because I said something different."

Guys tend to be very literal like that. At least, I'm a guy, and I wouldn't get "I'll wear a hat" as meaning "absolutely, let's go out". I'd take "I'll wear a hat" as meaning "I'll wear a hat".

I guess what I'm saying is that there is a halfway decent chance that what you understood from all of this planning, and what he understood from all this planning, were two different things.

Now, all that said... I think that odds are the guy wasn't all that into you anyway. If he had been, then a little cruddy weather wouldn't slow him down- unless it's really horribly cruddy. All that stuff above is just guesswork, an alternate possibility to the "he's not into you, he's treating you like crap, NEXT HIM" thinking. :)

So what do you do?

You just send him a note saying something like "Sorry if we got our wires crossed the other day, I hope you had a good time bowling, let me know when you want to go out again." Then you wait and see. If he's into you, he'll try and arrange another date. If he's not, he might still try to arrange a date, but you will know the signs of the not-dating-date, the one from a guy who isn't all that serious, and you will NEXT him with swiftness and fury, right? :)

Seriously- it might still work out and you guys just crossed wires. Or he might not be that into you. Either way, you'll know soon by what he does next, so fuming about how things went down doesn't do you much good from here on out.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 3:30pm

I think you dodged a bullet. What is he, the Wicked Witch of the West? Will he MELT in the rain???

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Sun, 04-15-2007 - 3:31pm
HEY! Yeah! Youre totally RIGHT!

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