"Hinting" about meeting?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
"Hinting" about meeting?
10
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:44pm

Here's a question...

Do guys on OLD sometimes "hint" at stuff? For example... a little background first. This guy and I have sent 6 or so emails back and forth to eachother. He's always quick to reply, but not too quick. He even responded when he had the stomach flu.

I've kind of "hinted" about meeting by saying, "Have you heard of this movie that's coming to theaters?" to that he replied with, "Yes, it sounds good." And that's all. Then, knowing that he loves to run, I asked if he's ever been in a marathon and that some day I hope to be, even though I'm nowhere near to being ready. To that he said, "Right now I'm training for a triathlon. I firmly believe that successful training for a marathon requires a training partner for greater motivation." Ummm, is that a hint that he wants to meet up and run, or ask him to train me, or is that just a statement?

It's like dude, we've emailed back and forth. He knows I'm cautious about meeting people online but he's emailed me while sick and once on a break at work and it's like, why? Do you just want a penpal or what?

Any thoughts would be appreciated! I'm new to this online stuff!

Thank you in advance. :)

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:47pm

I wouldn't bother with hints or wondering about hints. I'd straight up say to him in an email something along the lines of, "I'm enjoying our email exchange but I really prefer to get to know someone in person rather than through emails. Let's talk on the phone and see if it makes sense to meet for a cup of coffee. Here's my number; evenings after 7 PM are generally the best time to reach me."

If he doesn't respond to that with a phone call, he's not serious about being online to meet people.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Thu, 12-07-2006 - 11:55pm

In the past I used to be that way, more assertive about taking the first step with guys. It's never done much for me and I think part of me would like a guy to step up and initiate for once. I think it's important to email a few times first... it'd just be nice if he'd even throw out the idea of a phone call or something.

Thanks for your input! It's something to definately consider. :)

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Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 1:39am

Ok, I'm confused, then--I thought you said you'd already exchanged a bunch of emails with this guy and you wanted to move things along?

Wishing is all well and good, but if he doesn't step up to the plate, are you just going to do the endless email thing?

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 8:17am

No I don't think I want to do the endless email thing. What I meant was, even if he'd suggest the idea of talking on the phone that'd be moving in a better direction instead of just keeping it where it's at right now. :OP

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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-08-2006
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 9:16am

It sounds like you realy want him to be the one to initiate a meeting and calling on the phone, which is generally my preference as well. However, if you have already expressed your cautious nature about meeting he may be waiting for you to be the initiator because is is afraid of making you uncomfortable. Sheri's suggestions sounds good to let him know you are comfortable enough to move to ameeting.

Good Luck,
YG

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2004
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 9:27am

It doesn't really sound like he's hinting in the examples you gave us, but I do know what you mean, and I have had guys "hint" at meeting.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-10-2005
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 9:48am

This is an excellent topic. I have been emailing with a guy from Match for well over a week now, and am definitely ready to meet. Two days ago, he gave me his phone number, and suggested meeting. I've given him my phone number, and said I would definitely like to meet up, but he has not suggested an actual plan yet. We both are very busy this weekend, so perhaps that's why, or maybe he is shy, or who knows what else may be going on in his life.

Now, I have asked guys out before, and I do think Sheri's suggestion is good, but overall, I would just prefer that he do the asking. So given my choices here (wait, or ask) I have decided to wait until the beginning of next week. If he hasn't asked by then, I will put something out there.

Good luck whatever you decide-

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Fri, 12-08-2006 - 11:02am

Sometimes hints are not enough and you have to bash them over the head! ;-) But seriously, no, I don't think him saying he wants a training partner is a hint of him that he wants you to ask him to train you or for you to run with you - I run half marathons and I encourage people, online guys or friends, that say they are interested in training to join a running group or find a partner. It doesn't mean I want them to run with me - I don't think I look pretty when I'm running! :-)

And guys tend to not get "hints" when women say, "This movie looks good." Instead they think straightforwardly - "She said that movie looks good. I think so too. I'll agree with her."

What you might want to do is say, "Hey, we've been chatting for a while now. Maybe we can meet for coffee sometime."

Also a tip, don't meet for a movie for a first meet. You want to talk to the person not sit in a dark theater where you have to be quiet. Another tip, don't meet for strenuous physical activity when you know the other person is in great shape and you're not. Not only do you sweat and drip make-up all over the place, you don't want to either hold them back or show how MUCH you're not ready! :-)

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Sun, 12-10-2006 - 4:15pm

Thanks for all of your comments on my posting. :)

In his latest email, he didn't ask me any questions (in all the ones prior to he did... granted maybe he still has his stomach bug and just typed up the email quick-like.) I'm going to reply and send one more and throw the idea of talking on the phone out there. If he declines, doesn't respond to it in his next email or doesn't respond to the email at all, I'm moving on and putting more effort into the other prospects. :)

Thanks again! :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2006
Thu, 12-14-2006 - 7:47pm

Hey all!

I just wanted to update and let ya'll know that in my latest email, I mentioned talking on the phone (which is a big step for me, I'm super net-cautious!) He emailed back giving me his number and said to go ahead and give him a call. So I'll probably do that.

Anyways, hopefully this is a step in a good direction!

I'm keeping my expecations low.

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