His apartment for second date?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
His apartment for second date?
22
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 12:43am

The guy I'm seeing that I met on plentyoffish really seems like a nice guy so far. It seems he was smitten on our first date. Oh, and he's been calling every night! (I'm not used to that). He says he likes me and wants us to be exclusive while we see where this is going. I'm attracted to him and like his personality and lifestyle, so I said ok. So far, so good.

For our second date, I suggested we go to his apartment and order pizza and rent a movie. He's going to make me his favorite drink (if I want), but was clear that the drink is mild, since I'm not used to liquor.

Anyway, do you guys think his apartment is a good idea for date no. 2? Yes, we did talk about kissing and that is going to take place, unless one of us is sick. He was such a gentleman that he didn't try to kiss me on the first date, but instead gave me a warm hug. And I have willpower and I will not end up in bed with him. That's not what he wants either.

I'm psyched over this guy. :)

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 5:41am

no, his place is NOT the place for a second date. At this point, he should be all about taking you out to wine & dine you or do other activities that you can do together. he should be about impressing you by planning fun things to do.

The other reason is that, even if you agree that sex won't take place - there's a whole lot of territory between a big, warm hug and intercourse. Also, all of that does make it harder to say "no" to intercourse. Finally, you don't really KNOW him yet or what he's capable of. You don't want to find yourself in his apartment and then have him turn into a wolf, kwim?

These early stages are for going out and having FUN! Why not have pizza at a local restaurant and then go to the movies? Or how about going to the movies then going out for ice cream?

Carole

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 7:38am

I think the fact that you're asking if it's ok means that there's a little voice in there saying it's not. My take? No. It's date number 2 and you hardly know this guy. If this was a guy you knew better, my answer might be different. But he's a virtual stranger. Maybe it's my NYC paranoia but you don't know what he's capable of. You don't know him.


My advice? Keep the dating out of the homes until you truly have a good sense of him. Though you say you have willpower, willpower can be broken under the right circumstances.


As my mother used to say, better to be safe than sorry.


Edited to add: The fact that he says he wants to be exclusive yet wants to be able to keep emailing other people to give them a message tells me that he's keeping his options open. Exclusive is exclusive, know what I mean? Your life and your choice, but I wouldn't want to see you hurt again.





Edited 4/10/2007 7:49 am ET by cl-bklynchik
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-19-2006
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 10:17am
I would just trust your instinct on the guy. I see nothing wrong with having pizza and watching a movie at his place. I am dating a guy I met IRL and on our second date we went out to dinner and then watched a movie at my place. I have also been on early dates with OLD guys and went back to my place to watch a movie. I think it is ok if it is something you are comfortable with. Have fun!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 5:52pm

I've been thinking about it and I think he needs to impress me. Going to his house for pizza and a movie on the second date is not good enough for me.

cl: "Edited to add: The fact that he says he wants to be exclusive yet wants to be able to keep emailing other people to give them a message tells me that he's keeping his options open. Exclusive is exclusive, know what I mean? Your life and your choice, but I wouldn't want to see you hurt again."

Cl, I kind of had this feeling too, but he doesn't want us to date anyone else. He says we should answer the message to tell them we are seeing someone and seeing if it will work out. So, I don't know. If I do find that I like him like I *think* I do, it would be nice for it to work out. But, he need to impress me for this second date. And yes, I agree. I'm staying out of his house right now.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 6:17pm

cl-bklynchik: "Edited to add: The fact that he says he wants to be exclusive yet wants to be able to keep emailing other people to give them a message tells me that he's keeping his options open. Exclusive is exclusive, know what I mean? Your life and your choice, but I wouldn't want to see you hurt again."

Ok, a few minutes after I read this I got mad as heck!!! So, I sent him a message saying that 1) "let's change the date to something else" 2) "I have a question, so I'll talk to you when you call tonight". And then 2 minutes later, he called me from work. I asked him was he interested in dating someone else and he said, "no". I asked why was he still sending women messages on the dating site and he explained that he's just responding to people that were already out there before me and he was telling them that he's seeing someone. And he wanted to know when are we going to agree to get off of the site. I said if things continue to go well, then we can agree on the day that we get off.

So, so far so good. We'll see how he presents himself this weekend and if there's chemistry when we kiss.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-22-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 6:58pm

Purity,

Good luck this weekend. It sounds like you decided not to go to his house. Just remember to follow your instincts.

BTW I have my first date tonight from Plentyoffish. Wish me luck.

Amber

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Tue, 04-10-2007 - 9:53pm
Good luck Amber! Have a good time. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-18-2007
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 3:48am
Well, going to his apartment this weekend feels right, so that's which way I'm leaning. He can impress me before hand by taking me somewhere before we settle down for the movie. I trust him not to pull anything, and we talked about that tonight, so he understands my apprehensions.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-15-2004
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 6:07am

NO NO NO NO NO. I wouldnt go.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 05-31-2005
Wed, 04-11-2007 - 8:18am
So Becca, what do you really think? hehehe. Couldn't resist, sorry!

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