His Crazy Family

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-16-2003
His Crazy Family
3
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 3:09pm

I met a guy online a few weeks ago. We've been out 4 times in the last 2 weeks and talk everyday. We have a lot in common and enjoy each other's company. He has made it clear that he is interested in me, and I feel the same way. So what is the problem, right?

He has been very open and has told me stories about his "unstable" family. Mom has been married a few times and may not be all that stable. He described his brother as a womanizer(married and divorced several times), and his sister has been in and out of rehab. I know that everyone always puts their best foot forward so I am wondering if he shares some traits like his family members. I am looking for a long-term relationship, and I don't wish to be involved with someone that isn't available or emotionally/mentally stable to have a lasting relationship with someone.

I am torn as to what I should do. I can continue to date him hoping that if he has issues they will surface, but how long might that take? I don't want to pursue a relationship that may not have long-term potential, but I may not find that out for months. Any suggestions?

Thanks in advance for your input.

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-23-2010
In reply to: freesia3
Sat, 07-31-2010 - 3:20pm

I respect that he has told you upfront about his fractured family and that is always good news. He wants to make sure you understand what his family life is like...but most family dynamics are about the same.

You want to bolt and I can understand that but I would hang in there if you really like him. Sure your heart is on the line here and it could hurt if it doesn't work out BUT the risk might be worth it??? Taking risks are scary but having the right man in the end is the goal...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-07-2007
In reply to: freesia3
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 8:11am

I come from a very colorful family myself and I commend him from telling you.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2003
In reply to: freesia3
Sun, 08-01-2010 - 6:53pm

I usually feel that this is a defensive tactic...they go ahead and give us reasons to not want to be interested. It is easier than waiting to be rejected on his own merits (or lack thereof)

I come from a disfunctional family myself (not too bad, really, we are all college grads and no one has ever been arrested) So I am definitely not interested in someone who is too terribly disfunctional.

It's only been two weeks, IMHO too soon to tell, but too soon to be head over heels also.

sooooobig