His ex rolls in....he drops the ball....

Avatar for marsgen
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
His ex rolls in....he drops the ball....
4
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 7:26pm

Hello everyone,

I met this guy two weeks ago. We hit it off. He has called me every day since then and we have seen each other about 8 times.

We spent the night together last Saturday and on Sunday morning I returned home because he had to go on a business trip. He told me he would call me when he arrived from his trip and he did, he left two messages.

However, I asked to see him. It was only 8 PM and he lives a few minutes away. He said he was already in bed. Since he had been calling me all those times, on Monday I decided to call him.

That when he told me that his ex had come to visit him and had given him a Christmas gift. She is an interior decorator and she decided to redecorate his appartment as a gift to him.

On our second date he had told me that a friend has made sexual advances towards him, hmmmmm....it sounds like her.

Anyway, he did not say he wanted to see me that evening and he said he would call today. Well it's after 7pm and he still has not called. Obviously he does not want to see me tonight. He told me we would see each other on the week-end, but nothing precise.

It's pretty insulting seeing as he did see his ex yesterday. As you can imagine, thoughts are going through my head.

I cooked for him so many times I have stopped counting. All he did for me was bring me to the restaurant once and to see the Nutcraker. So I am feeling like he is not into me right now.

What should I do?

For those who have seen my other posts....trust me what he went through did not affect him at all....he never cried and the day after he was off on a business trip...

Thanks,

Gen

Avatar for northwestwanderer
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 9:48pm

Seriously??? You think that because he didn't cry, his mother's death hasn't affected him? Wow.

In any event, I've said this to you before but I'll try again--this is NOT a good time for him to be starting a new relationship. You need to either adjust your expectations significantly downward (not that they should be very high after two weeks, ANYWAY!), or walk away.

Sheri

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2002
Tue, 01-09-2007 - 11:04pm

So what if he didn't cry??? People handle grief in different ways. Some cry, others get angry, others distance themselves, others revert back to things that are familiar... No matter what you think, he is grieving. It sounds like seeing the ex may have affected him. He was in a vulnerable state - his MOTHER DIED! Maybe seeing the ex made him think about some things and his life. Maybe he'll call, maybe he won't. You are still making this all about you. It's not.

The only reason it is "insulting" is because you choose to make it so and because you made more out of this relationship than the timing says you should. You've known him two weeks, so what if you've "cooked for him more times than you can count" - I can count to 36 so even if you've cooked him every meal in the last 2 weeks, that still doesn't make a relationship nor a comittment. I don;t know what more you want from this guy you barely know. If you want him to spill his blood for you, you have to tell him that. But IMO, you are expecting FAR, FAR too much.

131.gif image by y_baros th5K.gif image by jade_simo

Avatar for mhash
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-27-2003
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 12:23am

I agree with Sheri and vexer, i.e. in the middle of grieving I don't see how anyone can start a relationship other than looking for comfort. For me it takes time and emotional energy to start up any new relationship (romantic or otherwise). I also agree with vexer on keeping score for the two weeks you know this guy.

It sounds like you carry a lot of expectations. As my last relationship told me, Expectations are premeditated resentments.

Mark

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-15-2005
Wed, 01-10-2007 - 9:29am

<<>>

Mark, that's brilliant.

Edit note: I *had* selected the "agree" icon, but I must've bumped the scroll bar and it moved to "angry"....ooops.




Edited 1/10/2007 9:30 am ET by sisfox